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Original poster

Should I catfish the ex? He's contacted me via OLD site

85 replies

AllT0rque · 23/09/2017 16:06

I left my ex some time ago now and am happy without him dragging me down.

There's a thread about it here : <a class="break-all" href="https://www.google.com/url?q=www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/2900102-BFs-had-a-personality-transplant-Thoughts-please&sa=U&ved=0ahUKEwi41dXQwbvWAhVHZVAKHZJfAykQFggKMAM&client=internal-uds-cse&usg=AFQjCNG8Quq0-dmTFdXUGXfOFWrAAEjK1g" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">www.google.com/url?q=www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/2900102-BFs-had-a-personality-transplant-Thoughts-please&sa=U&ved=0ahUKEwi41dXQwbvWAhVHZVAKHZJfAykQFggKMAM&client=internal-uds-cse&usg=AFQjCNG8Quq0-dmTFdXUGXfOFWrAAEjK1g

Anyway, I've signed up to an OLD site, I have a profile name that's nothing like my own, I have private pictures (which he's not yet asked to see) and my profile describes me to a T.

So, imagine my surprise when my ex messaged me via the site, saying that said profile sounded amazing (of course it is, it's totally true Grin ) and he'd like to get to know me better. We've chatted for a couple of hours and my responses have all been truthful. He's bullshitting a little bit.

Then I thought back over the last few months, where his phone was never out of his sight, he'd take it with him when he went out of the room, he'd always leave it lying face down and would sometimes fret quietly if he had to hand it to me for any reason.

And this may or may not be coincidental Hmm but he has an open FB profile, but his friends list is hidden. But women, who live miles away, with no familial or friends links, were liking his (boring) pictures and comments. When I asked, he'd always just brush it off and say it was someone he'd known for years that he still talks to occasionally.

Im not wasting any emotional energy on being angry about what he may have been up to. It was my choice to leave. Im so glad that I did. I dont think he actually met any of these women IRL, they all seem to live at least 200 miles away and his car and van would never make it that distance. And he's too tight to pay for the fuel

Is this too good an opportunity to miss? I could have hours of fun with this. The opportunity to lead him on and have a chance at giving him a big let down and watching the fallout from a safe distance is almost too good to resist ...

And its somewhat satisfying to note that all his profile pics make him look just like the scruffy no-hoper that he is. What WAS i thinking?? Sad I asked him what the competition was like and he said there wasn't any at the moment ...

I met up with his mum and his sister this week, he's telling them that he really misses me. Oh well, never mind, there there.

OP posts:
TheSockGoblin · 23/09/2017 19:57

And in the nicest possible way - I looked at your old thread that you linked and you say you've known him for 25 YEARS! Do you seriously think he can't spot it's you just because there are no pictures?

Secondly, you posted less than two months ago to say you'd had sex with him. I think you are in serious denial that you are over him in any way. Two months is not usually long enough to get over someone!!

I think you need to carefully consider what you're doing. This action you're taking will probably blow up in your face and leave you feeling worse, especially if he knows it's you - you might think he wouldn;t do that - but you're doing it!

It really really does not come across like you are in any way over this or that this is a good idea.

DistanceCall · 23/09/2017 20:12

Sounds like you want to engage with him again. You don't? Then delete and block.

SparklingRaspberry · 23/09/2017 20:23

I'm another one who suspects he knows it's you.

If that's not the case you need to ignore him. I don't think you're as over him as you think you are, OP. It sounds like you're happy to be receiving his attention again.

Block him. Move on.
I'm certain he knows it's you, as someone's pointed out you've known each other 25 years and had a 12 month relationship together - of course he's gunna realise. Perhaps he might not know for certain but he's probably got his suspicions it's you.

SuperSkyRocketing · 23/09/2017 20:25

I also think he knows it's you given that he hasn't asked to see any photos...

Autumnskiesarelovely · 23/09/2017 21:01

I'm mischievous too. I'd keep it up! Won't last long though. Think is there one thing you'd like to know, be careful, to help you move on? Then ask it.

But don't do anything awful... keep some morals!

ChicRock · 23/09/2017 21:08

He absolutely knows it's you, which is exactly why he hasn't asked for photos and has invited you to a party that you think he doesn't know you're already invited to.

The only person being played for a fool here is you.

He's already won, he's reeled you back in hook, line and sinker. You just can't be honest and admit it to yourself.

Ducknose · 23/09/2017 21:47

You really need to have a word with yourself. Come on now. This isn't healthy.

SweetLuck · 23/09/2017 21:53

If he has known you for 25 years...

If you have been honest in your profile...

If he hasn't asked for photos...

He knows it's you.

Opheliasgoldenwine · 23/09/2017 22:33

He will most likely know it's you, so catfishing won't work in this situation.

I suspect you're not over him; if so, if you want to give things another go then do- if not then block and leave it.

This was meant to be kind by the way Sad

Butterymuffin · 23/09/2017 22:41

If there's a chance he suspects it's you, you've got to pull the plug before it gets embarrassing. Just block him now.

Straycatblue · 23/09/2017 23:33

You are using the profile to continue your relationship with him whether consciously or not. Its not healthy and its quite frankly bizarre. If a man posted on here he was doing that to his ex girlfriend , everyone would be saying how creepy it was.

You have said you could "....... have hours of fun with this. The opportunity to lead him on and have a chance at giving him a big let down and watching the fallout from a safe distance is almost too good to resist ... "

After reading your original thread, you wonder if his depression is to cause for him withdrawing from you and he himself had told you that his behaviour was in part related to the death of his close friend in January so Im unsure why you want to act in such a cruel way as to potentially make him worse.

Try and look at it from an outsider point of view, what you're doing, most people would consider weird and it makes you look a little unhinged and very cruel to be honest.

Imagine if you had to tell his family whom it seems like you still have a good relationship with, oh yeah Im still in touch with your son but he doesnt know its me, Im trying to cause him emotional pain and punish him by pretending to be someone else. Hope you're totally cool with that right? Not creepy at all right?

BlackStars · 23/09/2017 23:45

I left my ex some time ago now and am happy without him dragging me down.

But you're not though are you ..........

southernharp · 24/09/2017 03:21

I don't think you sound like a stalker at all. It really annoys me when people read old threads to try and work others out and catch them out. Bit sad. So, I would defo mess with his mind a bit but then ghost him. I would say never let on that's it's you and don't tell anyone else either. I can imagine he would be smug and annoying if he found out. When you see him be cool and distant whilst laughing inside!

NikiBabe · 24/09/2017 03:39

It really annoys me when people read old threads to try and work others out and catch them out. Bit sad.

WTF?

The op posted the link to her old thread first thing and asked us to read it for background.

Niamhisnotarealname · 24/09/2017 06:48

Goodness he still has you hooked like a catfish doesn't he? Really don't do this. It's really lame. just block him and move on.

Niamhisnotarealname · 24/09/2017 07:03

Omg, I have just read the thread linked in the OP. Seriously, move on! Confused

Angelf1sh · 24/09/2017 07:06

Why would you do this though? If you're glad he's out of your life and you don't want him back in it, why talk to him at all? Just let it go.

onemorecupofcoffeefortheroad · 24/09/2017 07:09

I also think he knows it's you for the very reason, as other posters have mentioned, that he's not asked for photos. He doesn't sound like the kind of bloke to not be interested in what a potential date looked like. Would he really invite a date to a party where presumably many of his friends would be without wanting to know what his date looked like. Seems highly unlikely.
Also, he's told his mum and sister he's missing you. He knows it's you for sure.

Kualabear · 24/09/2017 07:20

I would normally say 'don't be late for school tomorrow', but you have known him 25 years? Do adults really behave like his?

LellyMcKelly · 24/09/2017 10:35

If you were really over him you wouldn't even be thinking about wasting your time on this.

NikiBabe · 24/09/2017 11:10

A while ago I went on a first date from tinder. There was something familiar about the messages and I didnt know why.

Then when I met the guy I found out he had gone to the same school as a recent ex and a quick facebook check in the bathroom confirmed they were friends on facebook and old school friends. I guess my ex thought this was funny and the reason why the style of message was similar was because my ex was writing them. I bet he and he friend had a good laugh thinking they were setting me up. He was trying to get details of my last relationship out of me and I had cottoned on by then and just cooly said that it wasnt serious. He can feed that back to my ex that that's what I thought of our relationship. I didnt rise to the bait.

It is very hard to change the way you write and speak. You might be giggling that you're going to embarrass your ex and making a fool of him but truth be known he is having the last laugh as he knows it's you and knows you're willing to flirt and chat with him again. God that must make him feel good.

falange · 24/09/2017 11:15

I’d do it. String him along for ages. Arrange to meet him in a very public place then don’t turn up. Serves him right. Nothing to do with not being over him. Just a little bit of revenge for what he did to you.

NikiBabe · 24/09/2017 11:18

@falange she isnt stringing him along. He hasn't even asked for pictures of her so its a safe bet he knows its her.

He will have the last laugh here.

HCantThinkOfAUsername · 24/09/2017 11:22

I came to write I'd catfish him etc but then read through the other replies and it does seem like he maybe knows it's you and toying with you?

HazelBite · 24/09/2017 11:26

He knows it's you just message him that you think you have met the "love of your life" and that you won't be "chatting any longer.
Leave the OLD alone for a while until you are over him!