Following on from 'is he just lovely' thread

[MozzchopsThirty]

I also have a shit radar for men who are manipulative or controlling or complete nobs!

I've been out with this guy 3 times and have made it very clear that I'm busy with lots of stuff
He's said he understands and is happy to fit it whenever etc

So is anyone happy to look at these messages for me and dissect if he really is lovely & understanding?

Thanking you

What's he writing? Why are you doubting him

Because I'm notoriously shit at choosing men
I feel like I'm missing something!
He's respectful, mature, honest and just really lovely

But then I think that about every loser I date

go on then - what are the messages?

Im here. What is he saying?

I think between us we can suss him out!

I don't think you are in the right place for dating to work out well for you.

Whether he is lovely or another arsehole is not really the main issue IMO. IMO you are jumping into dating when you are not ready and it is not going to end well, either because he is an arse or because you will drive yourself round the bend not even being able to have a simple text conversation without endless agony.

Go on then, crack open the messenger.

I didn't go looking for this
I refuse to go on dating sites now as im not looking for anything

This was a random date, he asked ms out, I've seen him at the gym for months

Ok here goes ......

I know, I just never wanted to take up too much of your time whilst your studying. I know how important it is for you, and wanted you to know that. As much as I want to see you, I have to respect what your doing as well xx

This .....

It will be nice to catch up with my cousins as well. Am I allowed to tell them that I've seen this absolutely drop dead gorgeous woman, that's got more brains than most people put together, and knows what she wants going forward and is totally independent and can stand up for her self... did I mention how gorgeous she was??? xx

.........

That's why I wanted to let you know that I understand what your upto. Your a beautiful wonderful woman, and I want to make sure your always happy xx

your and not you're...

it's not going to work out now is it?

he wants to tell people he is seeing you after 3 dates? I wonder if I detect a bit of love bombing.

Sounds nice enough to me! He's not demanding your attention, he's paying you compliments ...

I cant help reading all these cringe messages in the style of this guy...

They are lovely messages, but I think I would be a bit creeped out if I got messages like that after three dates. This bit in particular " and I want to make sure your always happy xx"

Its like he already thinks he snagged you long term.......or it could be the start of a beautiful head of heels love story, if you feel the same way, but I am guessing you don't seen as though you posted about it.......

Sorry I don't mean to be horrible but part of me is waiting for the MN post to appear 'sorry, I will stop texting you now'....

Sounds nice on the face of it. However... How many messages is he sending each day. Who initiates most of the contact. Have you been physical at all?

Sounds like some of the stuff I was being sent after a couple of dates. My thread is in aibu. Might strike a chord if you read it. Sounds like he has you very much on a pedestal 'more brains than everyone put together' sounds a bit full on and cringe.

Post some more of them.
How old are you both. What's his history and set up. Does he know much about what's happened in your past relationships

After 3 dates it does sound a bit lovebomb-y.

The one about you studying and him 'having to' respect that doesn't sit comfortably with me. I can't put my finger on it but anyhoo.

He seems a bit too flattering and ott at this early stage. "I want to make sure you're always happy" sounds a bit off to me as well

(I separated from emotionally abusive husband last year, he started off flattering me like this from very early days)

I've already addressed the grammar lol

To be fair to him I have told friends about him
He has a very close family

Does he play piano?

Turinp me too. O think it's because he's saying he 'has to' respect it. Comes across as rather grudging. Or that he needs to remind himself of it, whereas actually it should just be a given.

Cringe at all the 'you are gorgeous' stuff. Seems over the top and therefore a bit insincere. Telling you what he thinks you want to hear.

I am usually quick to say run for the hills but he just sounds OTT but keen IMO! Apart from the always making you happy bit, which is cheesy at best. If you like him, he's nice, respectful and not in contact too much I'd be inclined to see what happens.

Or that he needs to remind himself of it, whereas actually it should just be a given.

Yep, nailed it, Sweet.