Following on from 'is he just lovely' thread

[MozzchopsThirty]

I also have a shit radar for men who are manipulative or controlling or complete nobs!

I've been out with this guy 3 times and have made it very clear that I'm busy with lots of stuff
He's said he understands and is happy to fit it whenever etc

So is anyone happy to look at these messages for me and dissect if he really is lovely & understanding?

Thanking you

Oh how I wish I knew about mumsnet when I met stbx!

Reminds me of an ex who didn't actually love me at all in the end but used to wax lyrical like this in the beginning.

The fact is, OP, none of us can know. I would say though, always trust your gut feelings and go at your pace, not his.

It does sound a bit artificial and insincere, like a bad actor. Could be trying to tell you what he thinks you want to hear.

How old are you both and what's his and your history. How much have you told him about your past

Sounds like he's feeding you generic flattery lines. You could be anyone. Sorry, I wouldn't be impressed at all by the fakeness.

You can't possibly tell after 3 dates.

Unless he has also dated some horrors / had some shit relationships and the OP is like a breath of fresh air for him

the studying text - a bit patronising.

is he intelligent enough for you?

I agree with earlier poster who says maybe you're not quite ready to date seriously if you need advice on these (slightly strange) texts. he seems to be rushing the intensity (to sleep with you?).

Agree with whoever said 'trust your instincts'. They get better with practice too.

If you're still not sure but determined to continue, go as slooooooooooooooooooooow as you possibly can, keep it light and casual, don't divulge much in the way of private and personal information, and whatever you do don't sleep with him!

If he's as respectful, mature and lovely as you first said then you'll have plenty of time to find out. One thing though all those descriptions sound like "courting" traits. Do you actually like, fancy and respect him?

Nope, sounds like he's over invested and love bombing.

Probably targeted you because you are vulnerable.

I want to make sure your always happy xx

^^ Now you mention it Offred crikey it does sound over-invested after just a few dates...

This kind of building up of your self esteem through giving you these cringey compliments is designed to make your self esteem dependent on him.

This is the risk when you feel down, that you end up being picked up by a guy like this, you feel swept off your feet, and eventually like you can't exist without him. That's not a relationship between equals, it is one where he has the power because you start to need his compliments to function.

Sounds creepy. Tell him you don't need him to make sure YOU'RE always happy as your happiness does not depend on a man.

I could be wrong op but his texts seem a bit generic and practiced , that'd ring alarm bells for me.

I had one date many years ago and afterwards recieved similar texts , I must confess I felt uneasy and gave him he brush off.

I felt like he was following a script rather than communicating with me.

I don't actually feel any weirdness from it

The last guy I dated was worse!!!! After one date he was talking about engagement rings and commenting on my parenting

This guy has moved slow, hasn't asked 'what I'm looking for' seems happy to be just dating, no disgusting messages, it's very different to the dick pic brigade
But then he's older, was married for 24 years and has had a 2 year & 18m relationship since then

With respect op , why are you asking if you're so confident he's a good guy?

Not goading , just curious.

He isn't 'moving slow' though is he?

You have had 3 dates and he is already talking about supporting your study goals, taking up your time and making you happy.....

3 dates....

You are not looking to date so how have you ended up dating him?

He asked you out? Well so? If you are not looking to date why didn't you say 'no'?

There’s nothing too bad there, I mean it’s a bit cringe but seems relatively harmless. Proceed but with caution and open eyes I would say.

My alarm bells are ringing op

I sense love bombing

If he was married that long he might just be swept along with the newness of it all. How old are you? How old is he

Find out why his relationships ended. How does he speak about his exes? Respectfully?

He sounds immature. Maybe given the length of time he was married for he's just out of practice though. Maybe that's the kind of text his previous gf liked to get.

I once had a guy who was waxing lyrical from the start. He turned out to be a possessive nutter, but maybe that was unrelated.

Oh god I though he was about 19 from those texts.

Nah. Nah.

Nobody but men with ishoos texted things like this after 3 dates.

You asked. But you don't like the answers.

Doesn't matter what his relationship record is - for all you know he was a control freak and emotionally abuse to three women, who took 24 years, 2 years and 18 months to break free of him.

"I don't actually feel any weirdness from it

The last guy I dated was worse!!!! After one date he was talking about engagement rings and commenting on my parenting hmm

This guy has moved slow, hasn't asked 'what I'm looking for' seems happy to be just dating, no disgusting messages, it's very different to the dick pic brigade
But then he's older, was married for 24 years and has had a 2 year & 18m relationship since then"

Your standards are way too low and I think more counselling and less dating is your way forward.