DH hiding money - or keeping it safe?

[Isthissomekindofjoke]

I've just found out that DH has several tens of thousands of pounds of our money held in sole savings accounts in his own name.

I just told him in no uncertain terms it had to find its way back into a joint account this side of tomorrow, that this is big time not acceptable and it wasn't to happen again.

He said he was hiding nothing, that one account was for tax and one was for school fees and they were only in his name because the bank wouldn't open another joint savings account but all I had to do was call them to convert the accounts blah blah.

The money came straight from our business into our joint savings account, then straight into his sole accounts so the movement of money wasn't hidden. I happen to only just have seen the transactions.

It is entirely possible he told me about these accounts and even likely. It's also entirely likely he knew I wasn't listening and don't have time to call the bank to convert an account when we already have 4 instant access savings accounts in joint names. In fact I think he's had one of those accounts for a few years which I knew at the time was holding joint tax money and told him I wasn't happy with that. Once that tax bill had been paid I thought that situation was done with.

I feel so shocked and so fucking angry. Not least because he clearly doesn't see what the problem is. To me it just smacks of him wanting to maintain the upper hand.

The money is back now.

Am I making a mountain out of a molehill?

So basically he did tell you? But you were to busy getting the dc ready to listen properly ? Just because your doing stuff doesn't mean you can't listen at the same time.
If he's told you and you've made some noise back then it's tough shit if you ain't listening properly to him.

The money wasn't even hidden as you could clearly see we're it had gone! Yabu.

I don't think he's done much wrong as he's not hidden anything and told you about it, even if you didn't take it in.

Sure, correct the problem and agree to keep everything joint from now but no need to get so angry at hm over it.

We have quite complicated banking arrangements as we lived in a few countries overseas and bought properties as we went, so have a few bank accounts. We were discussing a big outlay and I discovered that we (he) has another bank account that had £30,000 in it! That is our buffer, apparently, that he had been working on. TBH, i wasn't angry, more pleased that we had been budgeting much better than i previously thought over the last few years. But then I trust DH and he trusts me. (I also have an old bank account that I had saved into, but would use for family purchases if we needed it).

Overreaction

I have an unhealthy marriage and I have moved all the savings to sole name, so I can access them quicker if needs be. When I trusted dh more, we split everything and had both sole accounts with similar amounts in, which is of course fairer. I wouldnt be at all happy, op

But it is a faff these days to open extra joint accounts isn't it? I couldn't believe it when I wanted to do it at the bank we'd been at for years and years, and we had to make time go into town to have a joint appointment and take in household bills and proof of identity etc.

painting your wouldnt be happy? But you have actaully done it.

And the dh told her.

It's pretty pathetic to say you can't deal with kids and a simple conversation at the same time.

Sure, I get it - the moments where you have to say "I'm sorry, I didn't get a word of that - hang on, Child - shhhhhhhh, for one minute! Now, husband - what did you say?"

I can't say I've never missed anything because of kids, because how can you know if it's been missed? But I can tell you I've never missed anything so important that it's therefore come out that I've missed it!

If you really cant concentrate then say 'can we discuss this later' and then bring it up later.

I would be really fucked off if dh had a go at me about something he thought i was being sneaky about. Especially when i told him. I would be even more fucked i
Off if he rolled out 'yeah well you probably knew i wasnt listening and told me on purpose when you knew i wasnt listening'.

You are angry because, deep down , you know very well there is no way he would have told you this already and you had not bee listening . Women say this all the time but it is very unlikely to be true .

I suppose it depends how open and transparent you both are about money.

Dh moves money around the accounts but I am aware of it all. He does have a business account in his sole name but I see it often along with the spreadsheet listing all the money he invoices and the tax returns etc.

There are large sums in savings accounts but these are to pay tax bills and so they build then deplete then rebuild but again I am aware of it all.

We regularly have money discussions maybe every 3 months or so to discuss spending on big items.

I am a SAHM so this is important to me that I know about earnings and spending, rather than being patted on the head and told the man will deal with it all.

Ok. So tomorrow morning you go down to the bank together and make the accounts joint. Take ID, proof of address and go sign the form together.

Bottom line: you doubt him. Should you be in business together, let alone married?

As a PP said, you sound like bloody hard work.

Gross overreaction. Almost seems like a reverse thread.

We have joint money in joint accounts,we also have joint money in accounts in my name,because I deal with that kind of thing,and converting accounts to joint requires an actual,in person,visit to the bank/ building society with stuff,which is just one more thing to do.
If we had to go together,goodness knows when that would happen as one or both of us would have to take time off.
DH,I hope,trusts me - but it is entirely possible he doesn't know what is where ,as he never asks.
He knows where all the paperwork is though,so nothing hidden.

I disagree with most of the PP. If it is joint money it should be in joint accounts and you are right to insist that it is. As for his claim that the bank will not open more joint accounts? rubbish - it is happy to open more in his sole name though? Funny that.

All our savings are in my sole name. I don't earn enough to pay tax and DH is a higher rate taxpayer so this was so that we didn't have to pay another chunk of tax on the interest. The rules have changed now but there is no need to change the accounts as we are totally open with each other and he knows all the passwords if he ever needed to transfer any funds (although he usually just aks me to do it).

In my book (which I know is not Mumsnet perceived wisdom) a marriage is all about mutual trust.

The advice upthread by Buck3t is legally wrong and misleading. If someone dies, including your DH, you need to inform the bank and their sole accounts will be frozen until all action connected with the will is concluded. You are only able to access money in formerly joint accounts and of course your personal accounts, during that period. I asked First Direct when we were thinking about our financial situation and they were very helpful.

As for his claim that the bank will not open more joint accounts?

Fron what i can gather thats because she wasnt there, rather than refuses to outright.

"It is entirely possible he told me about these accounts and even likely."

He's doing a pretty shit job of hiding the money if he told you about it and all the transactions were transparent and not hidden.
You're being completely unreasonable.

Oh come on, the money was transferred transparently you just chose not to see it until you had a decent opportunity to go off on one about it, and stealth boast on here about how your DH has transferred tens of thousands of pounds without your knowledge. Tens of thousands and you haven't noticed? Because presumably you have so much money that tens of thousands is just a drop in the ocean....

I have accounts in my name only. DH has accounts in his name only - things like ISAs which you can't have in joint names. He knows about mine, I know about his. This is not an issue.

Feel sorry for the OP's DH who sounds like an organised type who is very on top of what he needs to pay and has separate pots for each. He tells OP about all this, she doesn't listen, then goes off at the deep end when she "finds out" about something which was never a secret in the first place!

YABVU
I agree with all the other posters.
There is a lack of trust in your posts. And THAT is the real issue.

So if he pops his clogs, you still have access

Please do not assume this is the case!! In fact it's illegal.

My Dad passed and he didn't have a joint account with my Stepmums, account was in just his name but she had his card and pin number. She went out on the morning of his death, he was alive when she went out and took £20 out to put his daily bet on and get newspaper.

Once the banks had been told of his death when we had the death certificate, they froze all his accounts as they then belonged to his estate. The Solicitors then checked the accounts for transactions so they could write to them and any cash withdrawals from the date of my Dad's death and after they wanted to know who had made them. Even though my Stepmom was to receive the money, she still had to pay back the money she had withdrawn as it didn't belong to her until probate had completed.

If you die and your Husband knows your info and transferred the money out, he could end up in a lot of trouble. The only time you can carry on using the money is if it's a joint account as that doesn't form part of the estate.

My Dad was advised of this when he made his Will and this is why he transferred sums of money to her during the months before he died.

I really like having separate pots that are pre-allocated for tax / direct debits/ council tax etc. It means you have a clear idea of what you can have and spend.