I hate to break it to you on a forum dominated by cake-and-eat-it people but you were too quick to bed. Way too quick. And then you were needy (in terms of wanting to talk emotions)which is a fatal combination.
You are perfectly entitled to go to bed with whomsoever you choose whenever you choose ,with their consent obviously, but don't let's all pretend that's the way to a deep and long lasting relationship. It just isn't. It might be in rare cases but not as a rule.
Men are not complicated in general. The love women and are driven by competition. The more elusive the goal the harder they compete. That allows the obsessive part of male character to take over and build into love. If you go to bed with someone early then the competition has been won from their viewpoint. If you then chase for details you push the average man away as it is the exact opposite of competition.
Just sayin... take the advice of lots of women who have got unknown success in their relationships with men or men?
So to get back on track. As for "why do you need male validation?" That isn't what you are asking for, you appear to be asking how to salvage the relationship. My response is to avoid the whole "friends with benefits" thing as that is just to male advantage and won't form a relationship from it no matter how many romcoms say otherwise. Dump him, sort of. Be friends but no more until you get him hooked. Be proper friends which means meeting to do stuff and not messaging like some over eager puppy. Be flirtatious but don't go too far. Excite by being interesting and passionate about something but not about him. Do be independent minded and talk about your plans for trips, experiences, career or whatever but don't be so independent that he can't see a place alongside you. Dress smartly and attractively.
Oh and see other men but don't go to bed with them quickly unless you can see yourself staying with them in a relationship in which case follow advice above. And for those who say "why should I have to dress up to attract a partner" I say just look at people ffs. Attractive people mate with attractive people. Those who go out looking like they haven't done any personal grooming or self care are NOT attractive as they are sending a signal that they don't care about themselves which others will pick up and then think why the hell should anyone else.
Good luck. You sound like you have self awareness and an understanding that others think differently from you which is the first step along the path to happiness.
Cue flames from feminists who don't bother thinking through what I have written. At no point do I say she needs a man to care for her, to run her life, to tell her what to do or feel or say or how to dress. She can act like a man and not commit and that is fine but it won't build a successful long term partnership.
Wisedad (who despairs when he sees the sheer frequency of "ex" stories here and the posters whose default response is to bin a relationship)