Devonsea I totally understand where you're coming from, having been in the same position.
This isn't easy to hear, and won't be easy to act on, but you have to understand that nothing you do to try to influence his behaviour is going to work. Ultimatums won't work. Cajoling and nagging an discussing won't work. Even leaving may not work.
As Atilla said upthread, the only thing you can do is focus on what you want and what you want to get out of life. Your life at the moment is being shaped by this man's drinking. The only way to deal with it is to take yourself and your children out of the occasion and get yourself to a point where it is no longer your problem. And that probably does mean leaving.
If you stay you are tacitly saying you will tolerate it and that his right to drink himself to the state of incapacitation he gets into more often than not is more important than you and your children's right to live free from this. Alcoholics (or problem drinkers, the definition is a red herring) will bargain with themselves and those around them constantly to buy themselves the right to drink. There's always an excuse, there's always a reason, and you and others will have limited ability to put roadblocks on that.
It's a stark choice and one a lot of people don't want to face. But ultimately its you or his drinking. There is no other middle ground. It's possible that if he is faced with a genuine choice between his family and his relationship with alcohol he will choose his family. But ultimately you have to be prepared to walk away for good. Trying to do it to shock him into realising he's reached rock bottom won't work.
Go to AlAnon, get support, take the time you need to come to a decision. But for your own sanity and for the prospect of being free from this, you need to make peace with the fact that you cannot do anything about it.