Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

I told (D)H last night that nothing in life depresses me as much as him.

82 replies

SickToDeathOfHim · 05/04/2007 10:41

and all he could say was "cheers"

I'm 33 years old, have 4 kids and the way I feel at the moment I'd be alot happier without him.

I'm sick to fucking death of him.

(name change just incase anyone searches my usual name....regulars will probably know who I am but please dont say)

OP posts:
WilkieBarEasterEgg · 05/04/2007 20:16

Sorry LTH, you are too popular and I was skim reading all of the posts

Don't know what to say other than thinking of you and a few of us are on MSN if you fancy a chat (although you are prob already chatting to some) xxxxxx

PinkTulips · 05/04/2007 20:24

LTH, i wish i could be more help... it sounds like such a tough situation and one that won't be resolved unless he's willing to talk and help sort it out.

have you considered the suggestion of writing it ll down and handing it to him? i did that a few times when things got very bad with dp and it did work as he couldn't argue over what i was trying to say so had to take it in

foxinsocks · 05/04/2007 20:32

get away - you need a break woman

you cannot be a slave all your life, it'll kill you

LadyTophamHatt · 05/04/2007 20:34

I did that once before Pinktulip, and IIRC he completely discounted it....

he read it but didn't take any notice of it IYKWIM.

gtimama · 05/04/2007 20:40

Why don't you arrange a weekend away with some female friends and leave him to deal with the house and all the kids. Go away and relax, have a laugh and enjoy the fact that he will be getting a taste of what life is like for you at home.

When I was pregnant with twins and had a 5 year old. I was talking to my husband about when the babies arrived and said that I didn't know if I would be able to keep the house spic and span and get a meal ready for when he came home from work, at first. His reaction was:

"I do hope your joking!"

Arsehole!!!

They have no idea.

PinkTulips · 05/04/2007 21:05

do you have a friend who could talk to him and explain exactly how bad the situation has gotton?

or an interfereing mother or mil who could intervene?

it sounds like he's completely incapable of taking in what you telling him, maybe he needs to hear it from an outside source?

LadyTophamHatt · 06/04/2007 09:41

We went to bed without saying a word about it.

He carried on like I've said bugger all.

Got into bed and he goodnight and I just replied "You are unbelieveable"

he wentto work at 5am so no doubt his hed will still be in the sand when he get home.

I don't see why I should bring it up, he knows how I feel FGS so HE need to start tlaking IMO.

BandofBunnies · 06/04/2007 09:47

Oh, LTH. I don't really know you, but {{{hugs}}}anyway.
Have you read Mummy2T&F's thread??? Her DH is AWFUL. I'm quite worried about her.
Men can be shit.

mrsjohnsim · 06/04/2007 09:48

i hate hate haTE THE huffing,
i have a dh who is pretty good etc.
BUt the puffing and huffing. wtf??
he is now in bed with indigestion, he went for a sit down, but i did one of his huffs at him so he has gone to lie down - 2 little kids running around in the sunshine and nice music on downstairs, he misses so much by this sometimes
and i hope you get some resoltuion LTH , i feel for you with a baby too...

BandofBunnies · 06/04/2007 09:48

The thing is, that he probably wont bring it up, as he'll think everythings peachy again if you don't.(men are so thick sometimes)
Then if you do you're a nagging, moaning old fish wife.
You can't win.

LadyTophamHatt · 07/04/2007 08:32

Another day went by without him mentioning anything.

BUT.

the conservatory is clean and tidy.

I took the boys and te dog to the beach yesterday and when we got home he was home from work- the washing up had all been put away, the washing bought in off the line and another load hung out and he was putting all his crap that was taking over the conservatory away.
It's now just in one corner, a tiny amount.

I left The PC on when we went out....it was off whn we got back.

Anyone think he's read this?

mrsjohnsimnelcake · 07/04/2007 08:36

maybe, does he know your mn habit (hard to keep secret really...) and wtf if he did?
maybe will be a awake up call form him.

My dh slept till 11.30 but then got up and dug the garden and did lots of planting so he isn't too bad !

how are you feeling about it LTH?

BandofBunnies · 07/04/2007 08:37

Sounds very likely LTH, how do you feel about that. Did you do it on purpose??
Does he know your MN name, and password??

LadyTophamHatt · 07/04/2007 08:38

to be fair tthough I was too surprise about the washing up and washing.

wasn't expecting the conservatory to be clear though....

LadyTophamHatt · 07/04/2007 08:40

he knows my username, not sure about password but i leave it logged in anyway.

he'd on;y have to click threads i'm on, wouldn't he?

i'm not bothered at all if he read it....feel a bit pissed off he can't actually talk though.

LadyTophamHatt · 07/04/2007 08:41

sorry, wasn't too surprised about the washing up....

BandofBunnies · 07/04/2007 08:41

Well if he read this he is probably really embarrased. Isn't the result good enough??

LadyTophamHatt · 07/04/2007 08:43

yes, but it would be nice if he acknowledged my feelings, rather than pretending everything is ok IYSWIM.

RanToTheHills · 07/04/2007 08:44

oh LTH - can sympathise, feel like this too at timeswith "d"h. You've both got tons on yr plate atm with 4 kids esp when the baby is still sotiny. Must both be knackered and not have any proper time to talk - cd you get ILs or yr dps round to babysit for an evening and you both go out and have a good talk? Sounds like it might be a good idea to be on neutral territory as it were.

RanToTheHills · 07/04/2007 08:45

just a thought but maybe he's trying to be strong as opposed to pretending everything's ok? Dh does this, drives me mad but a male tendency,IMO.

BandofBunnies · 07/04/2007 08:47

I do see what you mean. But how mortified must he be. Esp if he read the whole thing. He probably doesn't know where to begin.

BandofBunnies · 07/04/2007 08:50

I find DH often doesn't want to open a conversation if he's afraid of where it will lead. Esp if he suspects it may lead to a huge argument potentially the end of the relationship things. Remember what you wrote on this thread, and think how you'd feel in his place.

mrsjohnsimnelcake · 07/04/2007 08:55

ditto to bandofbunnies (nice name )I think my dh hates confrontation, he seems to be able to argue and shout, but where does that get anyone.
We do try very hard to talk about stuff vs argue...and when kids come along and you are tired i think the relationship suffers tbh.

he is trying to say sorry without saying sorry and getting it in the neck...wrongly or rightly i think he is trying to help...

LadyTophamHatt · 07/04/2007 08:59

I just re-read the whole thread.

I hope he has read it, because although waht I've written is nothing he hasn't heard before reading all your responses will be the wake up call for him.

I hope it is anyway.

What should I do know? Should I mention it or leave it?

Anniegetyourgun · 07/04/2007 09:03

Well I hope you were encouraging about the conservatory - positive reinforcement sort of thing - never mind that he should have done it in the first place, he has actually listened and DONE something, and if he sees you appreciate it he might even do something like it again. Typical male not to make a song and dance about it, just wait till you weren't looking, but that doesn't mean he doesn't want you to notice.