Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

I told (D)H last night that nothing in life depresses me as much as him.

82 replies

SickToDeathOfHim · 05/04/2007 10:41

and all he could say was "cheers"

I'm 33 years old, have 4 kids and the way I feel at the moment I'd be alot happier without him.

I'm sick to fucking death of him.

(name change just incase anyone searches my usual name....regulars will probably know who I am but please dont say)

OP posts:
BandofBunnies · 05/04/2007 12:24

When he moans about the piece of paper, or what ever, take his hand and lead him to the conservatory, and say, calmly and quietly."Have I even once, moaned about THIS?" and when he says NO, then say, " Well shut the f up about one frigging piece of paper then."
Then walk away calmly and serenely.

If he says Yes, then bash him over the head with the nearest power tool!!!!

Original poster
SickToDeathOfHim · 05/04/2007 12:26

He does do stuff around the house, but 90% of the time its done with him huffing and puffing and getting narky.

If there are 20 jobs to do in the day I will start with the nice thing first and work to the shitty one.

He will satrt with teh shitty one first and work to the nice one.

So it all gets done but because I'm not doing it his way he gets shitty about it. I couldn't care less how he does it...I just wish it wasn't done with him being so moody.

OP posts:
BandofBunnies · 05/04/2007 12:29

, yes that sounds familiar. When it is DH's turn to do anything there is always a lot of pouting and moaning about how he does everything, while I aim something at his head looking like this then this.

Can you tell him that it obviously is going to get done, but you like to do it your way and just because he doesn't agree doesn't mean he can strop about like a 3 yo???

He can't be expected to know how you feel if you don't tell him.

Original poster
SickToDeathOfHim · 05/04/2007 12:29

I just spoke to him on the phone and he asked agin what I was doing, I sadi I'm not sure yet (we've had a plumber here all morning).

I think he's said about 18 times today "What...are you going to take them to drusillas??" (it's a zoo/park plece up the road)

FFS I don't know....Why doesn't he just say "TAKE THEM" rather than pertending he's not telling me what to do.

OP posts:
Original poster
SickToDeathOfHim · 05/04/2007 12:31

Ohhh bandofbunnnies, he knows how I feel about it, I;ve told him a million times before.

Bugger all changes though.

we just go around and around in circles.

OP posts:
BandofBunnies · 05/04/2007 12:36

Aah, that sounds SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO familiar too. We've been having the same arguments since dd1 was about 1yo. About him helping more, and how we're both tired, that now there are 2 I'm even more tired. DD2 8 mths and still up at least once for night feed. DD1 up by 6:30 most days. He thinks he's more tired cos he "works"

I hate that nothing really changes. Think he helps less now there are 2. I once wrote him a letter as I tend to get flustered in a debate/argument and forget my point, and examples.

Do I know you in your real name????

BandofBunnies · 05/04/2007 12:38

He is a huffer and puffer. I told him off once, but he says he doesn't REALLY mind doing stuff, but just moans cos he doesn't want to do it.(who does really???)
It's just the way he is, and since he does it anyway, does it matter?

piglit · 05/04/2007 12:44

I'm pretty sure I know who you are and I'm sorry to hear it's so crappy for you.

Can you leave him on his own with all the dc for a few hours? I do think that very few men have a clue just what's involved in being at home with dc. A few hours/a whole day might help him realise how hard it is.

Original poster
SickToDeathOfHim · 05/04/2007 12:44

I don't moan about doing it though and I don't ask or expect him to do it either.

He does it because I'm not doing it his way and then gets all shitty, which then starts an argument.

OP posts:
PinkTulips · 05/04/2007 12:49

STDOH..... sounds like a difficult man to deal with but i agree with mylittlestar that the fact that you're asking for support and advice probably means you do love hoim and want to work it out.

the leaving the kids with him while you head off for a few days isn't a bad idea (although maybe just the 3 older ones as i can't see the baby being all that well taken care offby someone who doesn't know his way round his own kitchen!) he obviously doesn't have a clue how hard kids are, my god i get admiring looks when i head to soft play with 2 and i come home knackered and angry.... couldn't imagine doing it with 4!

Original poster
SickToDeathOfHim · 05/04/2007 12:53

Pinktulips, I took all 4 to the play barn thing with Ds4 was about 6weeks old and even he asked "God...was it hardwork?"

OP posts:
PinkTulips · 05/04/2007 12:57

the man needs a serious reality check!

i think i know who you are and if you are then i know you're an extremely hard working mum who's had a really long and difficult year.

he really needs to realise how much you do and how bloody grateful he should be.... raising kids is never easy but 4 with no real support from your husband must be exhausting

{{{{hugs}}}} to you and a huge kick in the bum to him!

LoveMyGirls · 05/04/2007 13:01

I say leave all four and go for at least a day and a night.

I couldn't put up with a man who thought looking after 4 kids equaited to doing F* all, all day!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Original poster
SickToDeathOfHim · 05/04/2007 13:10

Just to let you know we're going out now, I'll be back on later this evening.

Thanks for listening so far.

OP posts:
lulabelle · 05/04/2007 16:07

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

lulabelle · 05/04/2007 16:08

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

lulabelle · 05/04/2007 16:19

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

LadyTophamHatt · 05/04/2007 17:07

I've cahnged my name back. Thought it seemed a bit pointless being incognito when I've moaned about the same thing so many times on here.

I took the kids to drusillas. it was the first day of the new Thomas thing...press day and special events day.
Fu*king heaving....it was hell!

ScoobyDooooo · 05/04/2007 17:26

Aww LTH i new it was you, how are you feeling now?

pinkcandyfloss · 05/04/2007 17:53

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

NuttyMuffins · 05/04/2007 18:02

Would it be awful to say that I was wondering when you'd post something like this ?? Just a few things that you've posted before that have made me think 'oh dear'.

One of the huge problems that me and xp had, was that he made me feel so depressed because he moaned all the bloody time, and I really couldn't bare it, but that was combined with him being a shit too so I think so long as you both talk about it, it can still be fine.

Tell him exactly how he makes you feel, and ask him if he'd like to feel like that every single day.

WilkieBarEasterEgg · 05/04/2007 19:54

[big hugs]

Can I ask, do you love him?

LadyTophamHatt · 05/04/2007 20:08

As per usual in his eyes nothing is wrong.

He's been talking to me like I didn't say anything.

I was just making bottles, so counting scoops and he asked me a quiestion...obviously I couldn't answer so he just stomped off.
FGS...

Wilkie, I'm sure I do but ATM I have no idea how to bring it make to the surface IYSWIM

WilkieBarEasterEgg · 05/04/2007 20:11

Does he help at all around the house and with the boys?

LadyTophamHatt · 05/04/2007 20:14

Yes he does. But as I said(read the thread wilkie) usually while stomping around huffing and puffing.