people are alone forever and it looks like i am one of them, i feel sick

[user1499590110]

self-pity is not a good look. i just feel so fed up, i have almost gone past feeling sad, and now i just feel numb to the world. my life is ok. i have a job and a house and some good friends. but nothing special has ever happened in my life. i've never been engaged, had a baby, got married, had a fantastic holiday on an adult salary (went away a few times with a uni boyfriend but for weekend trips). obviously never had a honeymoon.

everyone around me, and i mean literally everyone, has at least one or two of the above. they're married and without kids, or they have a child, or they go away on fantastic holidays. they have bought a house together. they have things to celebrate. those with less money are at least married, even if they dont have a child or lavish trips.

im in my thirties now and cant imagine i will ever experience anything meaningful with anyone. ive only had two serious relstionships, both of which ended for good reasons. but it feels like this is it for me. im so numb to the world.

im not even asking anything i dont think. just feel like there is no hope anymore.

What kind of fantastic holiday would you want to do? (You have to start somewhere.)

Getting married and having a baby are literally the least interesting or unusual things you could do.

What interesting or unusual things could you do instead? I don't have kids and relish my freedom, even though I may want them one day.

Do you have goals and ambitions?

The very first thing I would do is get myself on a holiday. It doesn't have to be a package. My friend went to Thailand to work in an Elephant Sanctury for a fortnight. Not massively expensive, loads of single people there, completely changed her life, she was different when she came back. Travel broadens the mind, it truly does. It's a start.

i honestly just want a family. i have a good job and worked hard at my career, but without a family, what's the point. i'm alone, and friends are not the same as a husband and family.

i will look at the elephant sanctuary thing - thanks for that! maybe just need a change of scenery and persective

I believe with my whole heart that you'd be amazed what stepping outside your life for a while could do.

I have two children and am a single parent, I have been single for nine years. A few years ago I thought sod this! Sitting at home worrying and being scared about travelling alone with them. I booked a Transatlantic cruise term time so cheapish and took my kids. Changed everything. There's nothing like being uncontactable in the middle of a huge ocean, seeing sunrises and sunsets you couldn't begin to imagine, storms on the horizon, caught up in the edges of one. Really put things into perspective. Have never looked back.

Maybe time to be more pro-active? Sport? Eco hol8days? Sperm donor?

i dont know where to begin thats the problem. everytime i look up places to go and feel excited about it, i suddenly remember that i am totally alone and would be flying somewhere alone and how pathetic is it to watch a sunrise on my own?! then i start feeling sad i am alone etc and it goes round in circles.

I'm in the exact same boat as you.

Only it doesn't bother me as much. I've just been on holiday alone and it was fantastic.

I was terrified but actually lots of people do it now. I met loads of people. Actually I'm a few years younger than you and I stayed in a hostel so it was a young crowd but there are holidays and places to stay aimed at people in their late 20s and 30s too.

I'm already planning another - I'd like to see New Zealand.

Go on an adventure holiday then! Go with a group like Exodus or Explore or whatever they're called. You'll be in a group (of mostly other single people in their 30s) and I can promise you that you'll have a brilliant time.

My other friend went to China. She went on an arranged trip with a group and guides etc. Loads of English people on it too, some couples, some singles, she had a fantastic time too. I sometimes think about when my kids are older and more able to be left and how I will get a small tent and sleeping bag etc and walk the south coast of the UK with my dog alone.

You're not alone, I could have written your post myself.

Some days are better than others. I keep thinking I should make the most of these financially free and single days, but the majority of the time (particularly on Sundays- what is it about Sundays?) I long to be with someone I love and who feels the same.

I don't have any advice to give as I can barely take my own, but just wanted to share your sentiments

thanks for the posts. it's hard isnt it. i just want a family and to be with someone i love. it's as if that part of my life will just never happen now, yet it seems so easy for everyone else

Ohh I really feel for you. Until my late 30's I felt the same. Life changed for me but I had to change first. Take care. Good luck.

Start somewhere ... book a fantastic holiday ?! Why not!

It may seem like it will never happen the whole marriage and kid thing but I bet it will... do you date?

Do you have any friends you go out with and chat up some lovely single men? Put yourself out there ?

Book a holiday for next year, your have a long time to pay for it.

Like you said you already have a good job and you have worked hard at it, that's something to be proud off! I don't have that!!!

I completely hear you, but I'm also learning it won't come to me or happen without my intervention. I've tried OD - what a load of rubbish and soul destroying tosh

Previous posters make a good point about doing something that scares yourself once in a while- sounds like we both need to try that!

And never ever give up hope !

Do you go on dates op? Or out to places where you might meet a potential partner? I don't believe the old saying that "love will come along when you least expect it". I really believe if you want to find a partner you need to get out there and be proactive.

GO ON HOLIDAY!

I just got back from a group holiday where most people arrived alone. Last year I did a tour in Thailand by myself and made loads of friends!

I met an Irish girl there who had just traveled alone around Oz and NZ where she met a guy and they are now planning their wedding.

Check out Tourradar, it has everything on there.

whrre in the country are you ?
If you live in a big city you can start off by attending social events, you don't need to k ow anybody and even if you are not good at starting small talks you can stick to organiser and they will introduce you to the people.
Do you have hobbies? You can meet people at classes etc etc. May be you can start learning languages, dance salsa etc etc
You have all your evenings and weekends to yourself ( jealous !) and you are still young, you should absolutely enjoy it!
You need to expand social circles and then you can go on holidays with somebody if you don't fancy travelling solo.
My female friend in her mid 30s travels solo in Asia, She is a surfer and met her current partner In a hostel during her surfing trip. He was early 40s divorced banker. So you can meet all kinds there !
Relationship will come naturally when you least expect it.

How about dating sites? I wasn't fun of those during my singles days but it's getting more and more popular.

And I can't stop repeating this : you should absolutely enjoy your life now, you have social security, house and jobto pay the bills !

I live in a rural area. There is a woman who lives nearby,we've known her 15+ years - she runs a small farm and holiday let. She runs it by herself but every year will go away by herself - Australia,Thailand,Vietnam, just to cheapish places and sees as much as she can in a couple of weeks.

Go on a fantastic holiday with a huge smile and you might just meet that special person. If you want a keeper go to activities where they are found.

I found mine on residential voluntary work - a good few years back but I suspect if you go off to do an amazing group thing rather than a hedonistic drink all you can, laze in the sun fantastic holiday you might surprise yourself.
There are all sorts of opportunities- go volunteer at Care 4 Calais a few weekends. Plenty of youngish but not too young professionals helping there on rota basis. Go and teach English in Tibet. Not everything costs the earth. Ask your employer for extended leave and be bold.
www.freevolunteering.net It makes you a more interesting person and even when you're back you still seem more interesting.
Go to things that first off sound boring but where good men hang out. Ramblers, join a running or triathlon group or outdoor swimming group. All have some lovely men and tend to be quite welcoming. If you're rural offer to make cricket teas or volunteer at the rugby club making bacon sandwiches. Churches are another good source of meeting nice men - an Alpha course attracts lots of 30 somethings.
Just change your life one step at a time. You have to do it rather than wait for it to come to you.

What do you do with your time Op? Are you a member of any clubs etc?
I am a big believer in a strong mind, follows a strong body. Set yourself a goal. Do something like a Triathlon. Can't run (join a club and learn), can't ride (join a club and learn), can't swim (you guessed it, join a club and learn).
When you join clubs, you join a "gang" you are one of the gang. Many clubs have social events.

Then look at adventure holidays. These are usually single people. I know people who have walked up mountains, and cycled across continents.

To paraphrase The Shawshank Redemption "It comes down to a choice. You either Get Busy Living or Get Busy Dying"

Good Luck Op

You need goals, and you need to work out the smaller steps that get you to those goals. And then you need to take them. That's how I dug myself out of a similar hole, a few years ago.

I now use a Self Journal. It's a bit complex to begin with but it helps you think clearly about what you want from your life, and what you need to do to get there. You do it in three-month chunks, which makes it all a bit more accessible.

Ultimately, if you're still doing what you've always done, and aren't happy with what you've got, it might be worth trying to do something different. Just to see what happens.

Get writing that bucket list...it's daughting I know..I'm the wrong side of 50..alone...but know it's now or never!!. You will meet interesting people along the way. I've not given up on finding romance...but as they say it happens when you are not looking... and if not,you will make incredible friends and memories. What's the alternative? Pity party for one...changes nothing. Go for it OP