people are alone forever and it looks like i am one of them, i feel sick

[user1499590110]

self-pity is not a good look. i just feel so fed up, i have almost gone past feeling sad, and now i just feel numb to the world. my life is ok. i have a job and a house and some good friends. but nothing special has ever happened in my life. i've never been engaged, had a baby, got married, had a fantastic holiday on an adult salary (went away a few times with a uni boyfriend but for weekend trips). obviously never had a honeymoon.

everyone around me, and i mean literally everyone, has at least one or two of the above. they're married and without kids, or they have a child, or they go away on fantastic holidays. they have bought a house together. they have things to celebrate. those with less money are at least married, even if they dont have a child or lavish trips.

im in my thirties now and cant imagine i will ever experience anything meaningful with anyone. ive only had two serious relstionships, both of which ended for good reasons. but it feels like this is it for me. im so numb to the world.

I felt the same as you and had got into a rut. I took 7 months off, rented my flat out and went travelling all over the world. Thailand, Cambodia, Vietnam, Oz, Hawaii, Fiji, Mexico and LA.
Was BEST THING ever and completely changed my outlook and self esteem which was very lacking beforehand.

Just plan loads of fun things, fun places, things that you can do because you HAVEN'T got to consider anyone else yet. Go and make your life happen and fun for you, no one else. Then the rest of it will come when it will and you'll have a ball in the meantime.

PS I started my journey with a trip around SE Asia with other people so was less scary. You meet so many people though anyway.

My brother's like this. I don't know what to say except

We can't have kids and have decided that adoption isn't for us (and indeed hate this very question, so I ask it with a small hint of irony); but what do you think about maybe adopting a child or using a sperm donor to have one?

But you're looking at others people.'s life through rose tinted specs
You cannot compare yourself to them.
You cannot compare yourself to them, you simply cannot.
You have no idea what their real lives look like. What they hide behind the public mask.
Today could be the day everything changes for the better for you.

First of all, you must start thinking positively. Catch yourself thinking negative thoughts and stop them
Tell yourself..life is a big pizza and you deserve a huge slice. I do . Often and I've got it.
Never worry there isn't enough for anyone else, there is.
I thought you were going to say you were 50 or 60
My dil was 38 when she met m son. She was a single mother of an autistic child. Her life was going nowhere but she went out nye, met my son and within two years, she'd had another child. Now she's the mother of three beautiful boys ( my son came with his own son), in a fabulous 4 bedroom house and with a little job she can work around her children..
They don't have a lot of money, but no one goes cold or hungry or unshod.

Today Is the start of your new life.
Report back here in 6 months 😀

Not quite the same, but it's been a very long time since anything really good happened in my life, it's just years of nothing.

I'm a great believer in appreciating the small things, but fuck me the other day I looked at my fridge magnet,

  <strong>ENJOY THE LITTLE THINGS</strong>,

and I dumped it in the bin. Sick to death of the lack of big things, I get you OP.

OP i can relate to feeling overwhelmed about where to start. i do have children but no longer married. I am not working at the minute.
I live in NI, which is quite socially conservative and also ridiculously difficult job market.

Maybe do some volunteering? I know these things are easy to type but there must be something.

I'm going to try to use being in receipt of JSA to see what subsidised memberships or studying might be available to me. My world has become very very small and i am terrified that this is it.

I get you....at 43 left my job, sold my house, sold all my house contents and moved out with 3 black bin liners of personal stuff, stayed in a friends box room for 2 months, booked 2 week holiday by myself to Kos in Greece, met someone on the last day of his holiday, when I got back to the Uk met this person twice and got on really well, moved from friends to his house in different part of the Uk a month later , got married a year later and really very happy , sometimes in life you just have to take a chance nothing ventured nothing gained....maybe start with little changes....what about local meet up groups, new hobby, write a list of things you would like to achieve and do and then just go or it....good luck

You need to narrow it down to what it is you actually want.

A partner - are you attractive? On dating sites?
To travel - going alone gives you amazing freedom, people travel alone by choice even with family.
A different experience - just book it.
A child - sperm donor
Company - A pet?

Try to narrow it down to what you are actually yearning for.

it is a family and husband that i am yearning for. i date, but im never that interested enough in anyone really. i know i could be in a relationship if i wanted to be - out of the (many!) online dates ive had, only one didnt follow up asking to go out again. i just get bored of people easily, and after my last relationship ended (thought i would marry him), i was so sad that i just dont want to settle now.

aside from the family and husband, i wouldnt mind some broader life experiences like travel. it feels scary though.

OK what's your financial situation? How much could you throw at a holiday? Which continent would you visit if you could?

How long could you take off work? When could you go?

We'll find you a holiday!

Then, what are your interests? In your head, what does your happier self like to do?

you are all so kind. thank you.

i could take a couple of weeks, i dont think id want to go for longer, the first time at least.

i probably have around 1,000 for it. i can go whenever.

i like scenery and im really into history. im ok with walking but not particularly outdoorsy other than that. :)

flashpack.com

This keeps popping up on my internet ads. Looks pretty awesome. Amazing adventures. Travelling on your own but not on your own as you are with other people who are on their own but not.

I hope you find something to feel excited about... this thread looks full of positive ideas!

When I was single I went on several explore holidays - there were couples and lots of singles. The groups are small enough for you to get to know each other. I made a friend who I still see a decade later, and she regularly travels with people she met on some of her old trips. The holidays vary with some more sightseeing and some more active, hiking, camping etc. They were great trips , really stress free as everything was organised for you. A friend met her husband on a similar trip.
They also used to do some that are more relaxing - a week in a villa in Italy or France- being cooked for and going on day trips- I always fancied that but then I met my husband at 36, after online dating.

A cooking holiday in Tuscany in October. Fancy something like that?

This Moroccan holiday is about £1600. Looks brilliant!

Venice, Florence and Rome.

moroven those flash pack tours look immense! I wonder if they'd take a pregnant lady, a toddler and her DH?!

Some really inspiring people on this thread by the way

Op, Can you take a few months unpaid leave from work? I can recommend camp America... I worked at a summer camp in the mountains for 2 months and absolutely adored it. It made me far more confident and independent and I met amazing people... including an ex who I went on to have a long term relationship with for 2 years.

I've been single for a DECADE now. (Give or take a few doomed 6-8 week long McRelationshipettes). I'm happy. I feel lonely occasionally but i was unhappy more often in my last relationship than i feel lonely now.

I'd like to meet somebody as well but I've learned to take measures to construct the sort of life that will make me happy.

If you had a year to live what would you do?
What did you do between the ages of 8 and 14? Start doing that stuff again. Seriously!

@wotwhat

You said Getting married and having a baby are literally the least interesting or unusual things you could do.

That just made me feel so much better about my single and childless situation.

Thanks

When I was younger than you I felt alone in the way you describe. So I travelled to Australia. On my own. I felt so terribly self-conscious and there were days I barely made it out of bed because my social anxiety was through the roof.
But I made some amazing friends and had the most incredible times. I also met my now DP (who was in his mid-thirties) and that started the next chapter of my life. Which in all honesty, although it has involved having the family you describe wanting, it has been far more mundane than the life I had travelling!!!
Sometimes the things you want don't come on a plate and you have to push yourself into new experiences. Keep an open mind and who knows what might come your way!!!!

I remember feeling like this. I used to look at other people and think 'how does it come so easily to them? They make meeting someone and having a family look like the easiest thing in the world to achieve. They're no better than me. Why can't I do it?' I felt I was a decent catch, couldn't understand it. I met dp at 39 and had a family/holidays etc. Times still on your side. Do some of the stuff suggested on here, you never know what's round the corner.

Best single piece of advice I ever received was if you're not happy, change it up. Seriously, do something about it.

Travel is a great suggestion, volunteering breaks, National Trust, or even look into fostering older children?

Good luck OP, I hope you find joy in your life.

Take a year out. Travel to the places you want to see, those fantastic holiday destinations you want to visit. You will meet lots of people, see things and feel alive. If you just stay as you are, you'll get deeper into apathy, clinging your hopes on to any man you meet. Be proud of yourself and try to make the most if your freedom. If you then meet someone, great. If not, at least you'll have lived and experienced. Good luck

I really think an organised group adventure holiday is the first thing you should do. I'm 100% certain you will feel SO different about yourself and life in general. I did a 4 week tour in Australia and it just completely removed me from my little bubble. I don't happen to be mates with anyone still from then (but I did it before the days of Facebook) but nonetheless it completely changed my outlook and made me so much more positive and feel as though anything were possible. Seriously - if I could travel to the other side of the world on my own, I could do anything!! And yes it's scary but keep telling yourself that it's just a few weeks, and if you really hates it that much you could always get on a plane and come home.
(But you won't).

Really - do the adventure type holiday first, then after that you can think about the other things. But I really recommend broadening your mental outlook first. While you are single, this is something you really can do.
The other things on your list will likely narrow your options really, so get this done first.

Be brave, OP!

And being brave doesn't mean not being scared; it's feeling scared and doing it anyway.