people are alone forever and it looks like i am one of them, i feel sick

[user1499590110]

self-pity is not a good look. i just feel so fed up, i have almost gone past feeling sad, and now i just feel numb to the world. my life is ok. i have a job and a house and some good friends. but nothing special has ever happened in my life. i've never been engaged, had a baby, got married, had a fantastic holiday on an adult salary (went away a few times with a uni boyfriend but for weekend trips). obviously never had a honeymoon.

everyone around me, and i mean literally everyone, has at least one or two of the above. they're married and without kids, or they have a child, or they go away on fantastic holidays. they have bought a house together. they have things to celebrate. those with less money are at least married, even if they dont have a child or lavish trips.

im in my thirties now and cant imagine i will ever experience anything meaningful with anyone. ive only had two serious relstionships, both of which ended for good reasons. but it feels like this is it for me. im so numb to the world.

My bf from home is in your situation. I know that she would love to have children and be in a relationship, but it's not worked that way for her yet. However she really has grabbed life and run with it. She is the fittest (in the actual sense of the word!) girl I know (and it's completely not natural to her. She made the choice to get fit and one thing lead to another), takes risks and challenges in her professional life and has done really well, and has taken some amazing trips as part of groups like Exodus. She honestly inspires me. I think she really had to force herself through a hard time a few years back, a little like the place you are in now, and it cannot be easy but good luck.

When I had my heart badly broken and got very stuck, I did voluntary work. A year out, 3 different locations, here and abroad. It changed me for the better, be brace and embrace life OP! X

i honestly just want a family. i have a good job and worked hard at my career, but without a family, what's the point. i'm alone, and friends are not the same as a husband and family.

It sounds like you are letting your desire for a husband and a family taint the possibility of having fun by yourself.

I have two kids and partner (not married, not especially likely to be as the idea of a wedding doesn't appeal) who I didn't meet till my mid-30s. Since I had kids, the only holidays I've had have been pretty tame ones, due to cost and the massive hassle of lugging kids overseas! Don't kid yourself that a family holiday is by any means going to be more fun or fulfilling than travelling by yourself.

I did several trips overseas by myself when I was single and my only regret is not doing more. If you're worried about being all alone and don't make friends easily, visit a friend who lives in an interesting overseas city for a start. There will be loads to do, and you will at least have a local to keep you company some of the time.

Are you interested in running or another sport? I would have thought that would be a good way to meet someone.

I didn't meet DP until I was 33. I was really beginning to think I'd not meet anyone.

I did a holiday on my own. It was fab. Most people were there alone.

Look into sperm donation or adoption. A friend adopted a child from Russia as a single person.

I agree the weekends can seem long though. Have a plan.

thank you so much for these messages! im thinking of either usa or thailand/vietnam......

feeling scared though too!

I met an Irish girl there who had just traveled alone around Oz and NZ where she met a guy and they are now planning their wedding.

I might know the man in this scenario; or it happens a lot!

I concur with everyone else - start with a holiday; grab life by the horns.

Thing is yes you will be travelling alone but this opens you up to step out of your comfort zone and speak to new people. You can be whoever you want, nobody knows you. You could meet people that could change your life. I know of someone who travelled around Canada and ended up meeting a girl. He has been living there for 2 years now. I'm a single mum now and I adore my son but if I could go back and have your freedom I would 100% go explore the world and meet new people.

If I were you, I'd go for Vietnam/Thailand. Something a bit more challenging will foster friendships more I think. And it will give you a huge confidence boost :)

Stop making searching for a significant other the only thing in your life.

I'm long in the tooth and it was never a goal I had. The women friends of mine that fixated on this seemed to have a much harder time dating Doing things makes us intersting by default even if we are not aware. Plus just do things for you. By the time I met DH he had spent almost two years travelling round the world, done lots competitive sport and was a trained marksman and qualified diver. I had done voluntary work in an employment rights capacity, martial arts and been involved with political campaigning and done a lot of costume and prop making.

i honestly just want a family. i have a good job and worked hard at my career, but without a family, what's the point

Oh please don't tell yourself this. Really it's nonsense. I have two kids and I can tell you I have moments where I envy my friends who have none. Not that I don't love my children, but singleness can be a gift just as children are a gift. I know society places massive emphasis on children and marriage above all, but honestly, some of us with the ideal family scenario can also be some incredibly selfish people by proxy (not on purpose or intentionally) I spend all my resources and time on my kids. Compared to say my unattached childless friends and acquaintances who volunteer, work with drug addicts, help out in youth centres, spend their money helping others, and can help out with my children. Not that people with children don't also do these things or have careers helping to do these things, but more often they cannot, as truthfully, having a family necessitates directing the bulk of your resources to them. Unless you're extremely well off. The world needs more single people with big hearts and time.

I think you ought to get more comfortable with your own company and build up your inner what I call, single self-esteem. I used to be comfortable going anywhere on my own, museums, restaurants, cinemas, hotels you name it. I couldn't give a shit what people thought. Same with holidays. Choose somewhere nice and go for it. Feel the fear but do it anyway. And vietnam sounds great! Don't waste your life by refusing to live until someone comes along and then magically expect your life to take off. Nope, won't happen. All that will happen is you'll craft your life around them totally. And what if it doesn't work out perfectly? What then?

Learn the real art of flirting. And If you are the kind of person who saves her best clothes for big events change it. I wear my nice clothes out. OK not ball gowny stuff, but nice stuff. You only live once. Take enjoyment in the small things.

I guarantee you once you stop waiting and live your life more fully the other things family etc will have a far greater chance of falling into place. Go for it

I'm in the same boat as you, but I'm a bit older - 45 and single for the last seven years. I did have the whole - no husband no kids - crisis, and occasionally still do, but it was a chance visit to my GP for a minor gynae procedure that changed the way I look at things. She'd asked how things were in general, and I got upset and the whole no husband no kids thing all came out. She didn't skirt around the fact that it might never happen, but said, "there's more than one path in life to take to be happy". E.g. Just because it might never happen doesn't mean I have to sit in a pit of dispair for the rest of my life.

So, I did what a lot of other posters have suggested - I booked a holiday with Explore, around Greece on a boat for a week. I think I was 28. I was so terrified that I cried in the Macdonalds at Heathrow. Nevertheless, I got on the plane, and got to Greece, only to find that my luggage hadn't landed with me. The other 17 clients on the trip lent me everything I needed, and it really broke the ice. That trip was fairly female-heavy, but I had a great time.

Since then, I have booked other trips, but with Exodus, who have a trip loyalty scheme. I started with a cycling trip through the Atlas Mountains, then a cycling trip to see the TdF. The Delhi to Kathmandu trip followed - I did this over Xmas and NY as I have no parents and struggle during this period - then another cycling trip to France, one to Jordan, and one to Cuba. I am a cycling nerd but they do plenty of general sightseeing ones. Last Xmas and NY I trekked to Everest Base Camp, which blew my mind.

As I've got older I've realised that it wasn't just not having a husband and family that bothered me, it was also that everyone else I knew did, and women, mums, couples, family pressure etc, can really make you feel left out and isolated. Meeting such a wide range of people on these trips has made me realise that there are plenty more people like me, and they all give tips and advice on how to handle it when you feel down. I'm now going on my first independent trip completely on my own - no group - just a few days in Crete in October, and although I'm nervous, it's only for four days, I can read and sit on the beach or on the terrace of the little hotel I am staying in, and if I hate it, it's not long before my flight home. Plus, all my friends kids, especially the girls, think I am this amazing, itchy-footed wanderlust crazy godmother. One said she "wants to do what Auntie Chockaholic does" when she grows up.

Hi OP, I'm in a similar situation and can relate. STBXH is divorcing me after walking out for OW, I have no children and am on my own at 35. I've got a good career and a house, all I really want is a husband and children.

I am in the process of picking myself up. I go out on my own for lunch etc, but I have not yet struck up the courage to go traveling on my own. I'm looking though and do some gentle planning

It's so hard when the things you want seem unobtainble, but there are other good things that you can get. You can still enjoy life.

Don't let life pass you by. We can do it!

Thank you op for starting this thread. I am older than you (43) and feel like you. Even though I have children I feel something is missing
After reading everyone's posts I've decided I am booking a holiday on my own next year.
Op you're much younger than me, don't get to my age and regret not taking chances. As people have commented before you get one life so go out there and enjoy it. It will be scary but most definitely worth it

I feel the same - I have a job & friends & a nice house but never had an ltr or been married, no children & im 41!

But my situation is a bit different as I have had (still have) serious mental health problems.

I'm starting to online date, & im having an appointment with a perinatal psychiatrist soon to see if I could aim for having a baby either on my own or with a partner- I'm very aware that tine is not on my side sadly.

You are younger so make the most of it!

Going in a good holiday is a good idea - I go away once a year with my sister on a beach holiday & I always look forward to it. I'm also thinking about trying city breaks with a friend (I'm too scared to travel alone).

i honestly just want a family. i have a good job and worked hard at my career, but without a family, what's the point

EVERY point. I wonder what the point of a husband and family is But .... the world don't move to the beat of just one drum, does it?

I really hope you find what you're looking for.

I understand and feel for you, OP. Remember that nothing is static though, everything is moving all the time and just because right now everyone around you is in relationships and /or have the 2.4 kids that won't always be the way. People go in and out of relationships; life happens. I think you need a perspective shift, there are so many lives that you can choose to live! Look up not down.

morvoren and mybeautifuldisguise wow, thanks for thise links. Probably not this or next year but I definitely need to do something like he linka you attached!

Both trekking and cooking sound up my street.

I travelled to South America alone to work on a conservation project for a month. Everyone there was a solo traveller. Why not do something like that?