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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Texts after 'date'

62 replies

CageyBee · 16/09/2017 09:23

I went on a date yesterday and I'd appreciate some outside perspective if possible. I'll try to keep this short!

Went on a very low-key date (been single for three years with no dates in that time) which was us walking our dogs together in a well-known beauty spot. He's someone I know vaguely that asked me so I thought I'd give it a go, he seemed like a nice person. The conversation was everyday chit-chat and whilst it was pleasant I didn't feel a connection. I think that's normal after so little time spent together. At the end of the date as I was going, he quickly kissed me on the cheek. Very unexpected and I was a bit surprised.

When I got home I had a text off him saying that he "floated home" and that I'm beautiful. I replied along the lines of that I had a nice time and his dogs are lovely. I got a ranting message back about if I don't feel the same just tell him etc. So I replied with "I'm not sure how I feel, not sure there's a spark if that's what you mean. I think you're a lovely man."

Cue an absolute barrage of abusive messages saying I'm ugly on the inside; I think I'm too good for this man; he was going to take me to XYZ but he's definitely not now as I don't deserve it; I'll never meet anyone as good as him because he's he nicest man; he only wanted to be friends anyway so what's my problem; he's going to avoid me; how upset he is. These texts just kept on coming and my only response was along the lines of "I'm not sure where all this has come from but I feel you've asked me cerynspon how I feel so I responded with 'not sure' because that's the truth."

He sent lots more messages similar to the others which then changed tone into things like "I'll still take you to XYZ but I won't introduce you to anyone" etc. I was really confused at this stage over what I perceived to be a passive-aggressive over reaction due to me not being pushed into saying anything I didn't want to.

I've not responded and feel I've had a lucky escape but have I been horrible? Or is he manipulative?

Needless to say I won't be going out with him again.

OP posts:
CageyBee · 16/09/2017 09:25

That should say: asked me very soon.

OP posts:
LittleLights · 16/09/2017 09:27

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ScaryMonstersAndSuoerCreeps · 16/09/2017 09:27

I would take screenshots of what he has sent. Tell him to stop harassing you and block his number. Sounds like you have had a lucky escape. If needs be contact the police.....

HailLapin · 16/09/2017 09:28

Run!!!

londonloves · 16/09/2017 09:29

He sounds proper crazy. You haven't done anything wrong, you were honest and polite. Block and run for sure!

Gah81 · 16/09/2017 09:29

You did nothing wrong. He has had a serious overreaction and clearly does not deal with even the politest form of rejection well. Bombarding you with texts saying awful things? Thank your lucky stars you have found this out now and didn't waste any time wondering whether you should try a second date just in case you felt more of a spark the next time.

AnyFucker · 16/09/2017 09:29

He's a "lovely man" and you think you might have been horrible ?

Really ?

ChopinLisztFinder · 16/09/2017 09:30

He hugely overreacted. You weren't rude.

He seems bitter and manipulative. It's extraordinary that he couldn't manage to be nice for longer than a very short period of time. His mask slipped quickly!

TresDesolee · 16/09/2017 09:31

He's fucking awful. Screenshot the messages, block him and do whatever you have to do to never be alone with him again. This includes telling mutual friends what he did if they try to pair you up again. Don't second guess yourself, his behaviour is 100% abusive.

ChrisPrattsFace · 16/09/2017 09:31

He sounds like an absolute delight, definitely go on more dates with him! Hmm

run run run!

CageyBee · 16/09/2017 09:32

Anyfucker I obviously don't think he's a nice person any more but I did at the time.

Thanks for the replies so far. It all took me by surprise.

OP posts:
HerOtherHalf · 16/09/2017 09:32

He's clearly batshit crazy. Ignore, avoid, forget.

SleepFreeZone · 16/09/2017 09:32

This man is the epitome of every guy on OLD that prefaced his profile with 'I'm a nice guy'. They are anything but and usually totally the opposite. Fortunately this prick hung out his red flag bunting early. Stop
communication and block.

demirose87 · 16/09/2017 09:33

Run a mile. Crazy.

NurseButtercup · 16/09/2017 09:33

That's very scary and unsettling. You didn't do anything wrong, that's all about him. Block, delete and ignore. Hope you can shake it off with the help of Brew and Cake.

Have a nice weekend

Flesh · 16/09/2017 09:33

Block him and don't give him another thought.

chewbaccathehooky · 16/09/2017 09:33

Fuck me you dodged a bullet there OP. Block block block!!

ScaryMonstersAndSuoerCreeps · 16/09/2017 09:35

Does he know where you live??

category12 · 16/09/2017 09:39

You weren't in the least bit horrible. He's clearly a whacko.

Aeroflotgirl · 16/09/2017 09:41

Wow, you dodged a bullet there. Good thing he showed his true colours early on. Delete and block, don't reply to his messages.

Squeegle · 16/09/2017 09:42

He is barking. Definitely don't reply any more.

CageyBee · 16/09/2017 09:46

Scary he does know where I live because we have mutual friends so he's been to my house before. I'm going to screenshot the messages as others have suggested and save them into a separate folder just in case they're needed.

I wondered today if he would feel embarrassed about his behaviour and try and make contact again but I highly doubt he would come to my house. I've got a friend coming over anyway for a chat and then I'm going out.

OP posts:
CageyBee · 16/09/2017 09:47

The friend coming over isn't his friend.

OP posts:
Beentherelefthimgotthetshirt · 16/09/2017 09:55

Just be thankful he showed you who he really is so quickly. Needless to say, stay well clear of him and don't be sweet talked into spending time with him alone or going on another date.

greit · 16/09/2017 09:55

Nice men don't feel the need to tell you how nice they are.