Texts after 'date'

[CageyBee]

I went on a date yesterday and I'd appreciate some outside perspective if possible. I'll try to keep this short!

Went on a very low-key date (been single for three years with no dates in that time) which was us walking our dogs together in a well-known beauty spot. He's someone I know vaguely that asked me so I thought I'd give it a go, he seemed like a nice person. The conversation was everyday chit-chat and whilst it was pleasant I didn't feel a connection. I think that's normal after so little time spent together. At the end of the date as I was going, he quickly kissed me on the cheek. Very unexpected and I was a bit surprised.

When I got home I had a text off him saying that he "floated home" and that I'm beautiful. I replied along the lines of that I had a nice time and his dogs are lovely. I got a ranting message back about if I don't feel the same just tell him etc. So I replied with "I'm not sure how I feel, not sure there's a spark if that's what you mean. I think you're a lovely man."

Cue an absolute barrage of abusive messages saying I'm ugly on the inside; I think I'm too good for this man; he was going to take me to XYZ but he's definitely not now as I don't deserve it; I'll never meet anyone as good as him because he's he nicest man; he only wanted to be friends anyway so what's my problem; he's going to avoid me; how upset he is. These texts just kept on coming and my only response was along the lines of "I'm not sure where all this has come from but I feel you've asked me cerynspon how I feel so I responded with 'not sure' because that's the truth."

He sent lots more messages similar to the others which then changed tone into things like "I'll still take you to XYZ but I won't introduce you to anyone" etc. I was really confused at this stage over what I perceived to be a passive-aggressive over reaction due to me not being pushed into saying anything I didn't want to.

I've not responded and feel I've had a lucky escape but have I been horrible? Or is he manipulative?

Needless to say I won't be going out with him again.

He has an extremely low self-esteem and these types can't even take a sensitively delivered rejection.

He thought that because you were a people pleaser he could manipulate you in to not rejecting him. It works for many men.

Thank you for all your responses that seem to confirm my gut feeling which was and still is to stay away from him. I'm confident that I handled the situation well and I'm going to go and have a good day in this gorgeous sunshine! I've probably cursed it now and it will rain!

Hell hath no fury like a man with a bruised ego

I don't think those abusive messages have endeared her to him somehow. Op woukd be absolutely mad to give him another chance. He flew into a rage from tge slightest rejection. No, nice men don't usually tell you how nice they are, quite the opposite. Don't reply to him, delete and block him. Meet up with friends when you know he's not going to be around.

Have a good day OP

What an absolute weirdo! You hadn't even rejected him at the start, you'd just complimented his dogs!! If he tries to contact you again or comes to your hour houss then I'd seriously consider contacting the police. If verbal abuse is how he responds to a perfectly polite text, I'd be a bit nervous about how he might respond to you not opening the door to him. I don't want to freak you out or anything but frankly he seems dangerous. Hopefully his ego won't let him come round your house just to be ignored though!

Not RTFT but am sure my message will be along the same lines as others':

RUN FOR THE HILLS AND DON'T STOP UNTIL YOU HIT TIBET.

Reminds me of a guy I got chatting to on a dating site a while back, but only ever sae him as a friend. I invited him round for tea and to watch a film, but I realised he would see too much into it and he was a relative stranger, so I said I'm really sorry but can we leave it for a while. He went absolutely crazy and told me he was sick of slags and whores like me and I was really a man pretending to be a woman etc etc and I should go and kill myself. ..I never saw any of this coming and was so glad I dodged that bullet.

A lot men think that if they fancy you, it's your responsibility to fancy them back and get very angry when you don't.

I've had it happen to me too.

Men like this absolutely disgust me. They think just because they're "nice" they are entitled to women.

He's a crazy, insecure woman hater. Block him immediately if you haven't already. And as a PP said above, run for the hills and don't stop tilyou get to Tibet!!

Yep. They throw a paddy if you don't fancy them back, especially if they are a "nice guy"
It's rather pathetic.

He's emotionally unstable, stop responding to his messages and steer clear.

It obviously took a lot of mental effort for him to be 'nice' on your date.

It didn't have the desired outcome and now he thinks it was a waste of effort, which makes him furious.

I've had men get nasty if I don't reply quickly enough! I had intended to reply, but they viciously crash off some vile response berated you for having something better to do. yes, a job a life 2 kids friends whom i already KNOW are good people wow. A few times I was about to reply along the lines of "thank you for revealing so quickly precisely how your low self-esteem manifests itself. Misogyny and bitterness are not my thing'' but I realised they'd enjoy the 'row' and if I replied I'd make it a row.

Hes done you a huge favour! Shown you what a psychotic twat he is before you had to waste a second more of your life on him. Yay!!! Happy days!!

Good thing he's shown himself now early, not several years down the line with kids and a home and you can't escape easily.

He sounds like a mentalist.

I'd block & move on

Please block this man. I have overlooked red flags in the past and it gave me a whole world of grief.

Sending messages like that after one date is more about control than anything else. Keep going if you want to feel trapped, emotionally broken and a million times more anxious.

Wow total psycho

Nut. Job

Keep those messages in a file somewhere. just in case, as you say.

Never respond after last (neutral) message you sent.

Hopefully you won't hear from him again as its just been one (brief) date. Or if you do, it will be just a fishing expedition. Don't respond.

In a couple of months I'd consider changing my mobile number.

its shit. but you dodged a bullet.

If this happened it sounds like he could have mental health problems to me.

chancer please don't make excuses for this vile abusive person, not everything is mental health, some people are just narcissistic pricks.

I doubt it. Unless you count a low self-esteem as a mental health problem.

Women with low self esteems are more likely to tolerate abuse and men with low self-esteems are more likely to dole out the abuse

True, could be that too. Either way, that is not a 'normal' balanced reaction.

Wow, sounds like you dodged a bullet there if thats what he's like, lucky you found out now rather than later!