my husband cheated on my with my best friend

[evie28]

hi all
im a bit of a mess so im sorry if this doesnt makes sense... 7 weeks ago i found out my husband has been cheating on me with my best friend i found out by checking his phone as i felt something was wrong and i found very flirty texts and sex chat when i confronted him he said that they only talked and kissed but i didnt believe it so a week later he admitted that they slept together 3 times she would come to my house when i was on my night shift and they slept together in my bed with my kids next door and didnt even have enough respect for me to change the sheets so when i came home in the morning i went to sleep in those same sheets i told him to move out and hes staying with his parents atm. she wanted to leave her husband for him but my H said he wont leave me for her. the problem is i dont feel like his really trying. when i asked him if he loves me he said"i dont know" then i asked do you love her and he said "maybe" so i told him im done with this and he needs to go and work out what he wants. the next day i got a text form HER saying he texted her and wanted to meet with her to talk that we split because i think he loves her she told him to say he doesnt and his reply was "its not as easy as that thats why i want to meet" she doesnt want to have anything to do with him anymore ( or she claims) when i asked him about the texts he said he just wanted to meet to prove to me and to himslef that he doesnt love her. which i dont believe... what should i do? i dont know if i can forgive him for this... mine and her ďaughters are best friends and i have very upset little girl (6 yo) who doesnt undersatnd why daddy lives at grannys and why her best friend cant come over to play or sleepover its been 7 weeks i think i should be able to make my mind up what i want to do but i cantone day i want him back and start over and the very next day i want to end our marriageim just such a mess

Nah - dealbreaker. No coming back from that.
Its over. Find yourself a SHL.

I'm sorry that you're going through this OP
I'd not give him another chance if I were you! I'd cut them both out of your life and try and move on. Do you have any support in RL?

How could you even consider coming back from that? The lies without any thought for you, in your house, your bed, with your child there. I couldn't look at the bastard again, let alone get back with him.

I'm so sorry the two pp you should have trusted most betrayed you like this.

As far as your dd is concerned, six year olds make new friends very easily. Don't try carrying on pretending with your ex friend (she never was btw if she could treat you like this) for tbe sake of playdates.

No. He is not some prize to be fighting over. You can do a lot better.

And trust me, he'll do it again. Rather rip that plaster off right now, while your daughter is still young than going through all this AGAIN in a few years' time.

End your marriage. Start divorce proceedings. Your husband has treated you with huge disrespect and you deserve better. Your DD will make new friends, she's only 6. Your friend has behaved appallingly, the pair of them deserve each other. Does her partner know about this sordid tale?

Life is too short to be miserable with a cheating husband. If you try to mend your marriage, you will forever be waiting for him to do it again. That's no way to live. There are decent men out there, men who are loyal and who make their wedding vows with sincerity.

The cheating is bad enough, but in your home, with your best friend? The mother of his little girls best friend?

No. He's disgusting. There's no going back from this, sorry.

So sorry you are going through this, it is awful.

Ignoring her and what a shit friend she is, I don't think he can ever be trusted again. It wasn't even a one off. He has lied to you repeatedly and who knows how long it would have gone on for if you hadn't found out.

Talk to family and friends, get some support and see a solicitor.

If you take him back, I promise you he will cheat again. And why not? You let him come back with no consequences so He might as well cheat some more. He fucked your best friend in YOUR bed with your children asleep in the next room. It doesn't get any lower than that. He has zero respect for you.

I'm so sorry you're going through this. Sending you positive thoughts. 💐☕️
This is time to focus on yourself and dd. Try day by day building a positive and happy life for yourself. Block her and never meet her again. Build new friendships for you and your dd.
Only let him contact you re parenting/essentials.
This will take time but you will be better off if you can love yourself and realise the positive things/relationships life can offer you. You deserve so much better than this shabby behaviour. Good luck.

I've been in your position and I wouldn't touch the slimy turd with a fifty foot pole.

He's not exactly bending over backwards to woo you back, is he? Not that that would make it right but it indicates that any marriage you cobbled together now would be a miserable sham.

I know this is a horrible situation but take control and start divorce proceedings. That's the way to begin the process of getting over this mess.

thank you girls is kind of how i feel but then on the pther side im petrified of being on my own im 31 and ive spend 11 years with him. its all i know. my family lives abroad and all support i have is our friends ( well not so much his atm) which im very grateful for.
her husband knows becauae i said or shell tell him or ill do it. so she did but made it sound like my H used her she fell in love and he just wanted sex . so her H is very pissed off at my H but not so much at her... our daughters go to the same class at school so i have to see her every day at school

As if what he has already done isn't enough-they are still in contact & he wants to meet her?

Let him go!

So sorry that you've been treated this way. You need to make plans to separate/ divorce and move on for you and your little girl. Other, decent people will admire your strength as you do this and hopefully rebuild your self esteem and you'll find happiness in making positive decisions for you and your daughter.

He's not worth any of your tears. He is the one who threw everything away, not you and she's no friend either. I'd even look at moving schools so you don't have to look at her face every day. Be kind to yourself, but don't let him back into your life.

I'm so sorry this has happened to you
It's still early days , you don't have to decide anything at the moment
Give yourself time to clear your head

I am so sorry you are going through this. Absolutely no scope for a reconciliation in my mind. You deserve so much better. Try to stay focussed and occupied. Treat yourself and your little girl. Take care

I am sorry your going through this, what an awful awful situation, what a bastard your dh is and if that's what she does to her best friend, who needs a best friend eh?
This would be an absolute deal breaker for me, I couldn't go back, the deceit, lies and disrespect is awful, it would be a struggle to move on from this.

So sorry this is happening to you OP.
This is a deal breaker. Bad enough to cheat, but to cheat with your "bestie"! Dump them both. You should never speak to your former bestie again. She is morally beneath you and not worth any more of your life. Block her on your phone and social media. Sorry about your DD, but right now it's about you. When you are back on your feet, you can worry about DD. In any case, she's just 6, she'll find another bff in no time.
Do you work? Do you have anyone else close that you can talk to? Or look for a support group? I know you are scared, but you need to cut your loses. You deserve to be with someone who isn't as cruel as your husband. You are so young, your life still ahead of you.

There is no way on this earth that I could or would take him back. He and your 'friend' have acted appalling!
He doesn't sound sorry in the slightest (not that that would make much difference to me) but I honestly think you should kick him to the kerb. You'd be way better off

OP Do you have RL support from anyone?

Love, he isn't even bothered, which is why he's giving you all those mealy-mouthed, non-committal responses. You deserve much better.

When it comes to showing total disrespect for your wife and family, having sex with your wife's 'best friend' in the marital bed while your wife's out at work and the children are sleeping in the next room is hard to beat. There isn't any coming back from this.

Your 6 year old probably needs reassurance that this is nothing to do with her and her friend, so it's probably worth making it clear to her that it's not anything that the children have done, it's a grown-up problem caused by Daddy and Friend'sMummy.

What a pair of utter fuckers.
I'm so sorry OP.
It's time to let them both go, you deserve a better partner and better friend. Don't lie to hide what they have done, either. I don't mean shout it from the rooftops, but you have done nothing wrong and have nothing to be ashamed of.

Once you're over the shock you can start to rebuild a better life for yourself and your DD.

Inertia - YES! What she said!!

You'll be surprised at what you can achieve "on your own" - just because something is all you have known for 11 years doesn't mean you cant make changes.... Onwards and upwards OP! xx

End of relationship with him and her.

They have treated you appallingly and still are. Cut contact with her and keep it business like with him for the sake of your DD.

Sorry OP. No one deserves to be treated like that.

I'm so sorry OP, he is a grade A cunt and she is no better. I would be getting rid of both, the level of disrespect outstanding, and the resentment and rage would be too much for me.