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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

my husband cheated on my with my best friend

65 replies

evie28 · 12/09/2017 15:37

hi all
im a bit of a mess so im sorry if this doesnt makes sense... 7 weeks ago i found out my husband has been cheating on me with my best friendSad i found out by checking his phone as i felt something was wrong and i found very flirty texts and sex chatSad when i confronted him he said that they only talked and kissed but i didnt believe it so a week later he admitted that they slept together 3 timesSad she would come to my house when i was on my night shift and they slept together in my bed with my kids next door and didnt even have enough respect for me to change the sheets so when i came home in the morning i went to sleep in those same sheetsEnvy i told him to move out and hes staying with his parents atm. she wanted to leave her husband for him but my H said he wont leave me for her. the problem is i dont feel like his really trying. when i asked him if he loves me he said"i dont know" then i asked do you love her and he said "maybe" so i told him im done with this and he needs to go and work out what he wants. the next day i got a text form HER saying he texted her and wanted to meet with her to talk that we split because i think he loves her she told him to say he doesnt and his reply was "its not as easy as that thats why i want to meet" she doesnt want to have anything to do with him anymore ( or she claims) when i asked him about the texts he said he just wanted to meet to prove to me and to himslef that he doesnt love her. which i dont believe... what should i do? i dont know if i can forgive him for this... mine and her ďaughters are best friends and i have very upset little girl (6 yo) who doesnt undersatnd why daddy lives at grannys and why her best friend cant come over to play or sleepoverSad its been 7 weeks i think i should be able to make my mind up what i want to do but i cantSadone day i want him back and start over and the very next day i want to end our marriageSadim just such a mess Sad

OP posts:
Goshthatwentwell · 12/09/2017 16:55

He's disgusting. There is two sides to every story but I think in this case he is a paper thin cover and you are on the last page.

31! That's nothing at all in dating terms.I was three years older than you when I found my partner and had a baby. You have heaps of time to start again. But start now.! Don't waste a second longer on this horrid human being.

Travis1 · 12/09/2017 16:56

Honestly let him go. And as for your friend texting you, block her number and don't engage.

You'll find it hard to begin with but it'll all come good in the end x

HadronCollider · 12/09/2017 17:09

The bitch in me would be tempted to 'accidently let drop' about the former friends behaviour to the biggest gossiping clique in the playground. That would sort out having to bump into her in the morning drop offs.

Drop them both now. This is low. Really, really low. You slept in the sweaty aftermath of their adulterous sex. Not even the decency to change the sheets. Vile. Forgiving this is an open invitation to be treated like shite in the future. SHL and LTB.

Blackcatonthesofa · 12/09/2017 17:11

I had to start again at age 31 after a 13 year relationship. I totally get how scary that is when he has been your life for the whole time you were an adult. Don't let that stop you. You deserve respect as a human being and neither of them have treated you with any. Never listen to peoples words, judge them by their actions. I am so much happier now. My spouse is a great man who treats me with respect. Looking back I should have ditched the twattish shit years before.

doreen007 · 12/09/2017 17:12

So what did your best friend have to say about this? Did you confront her? If so, what was her explanation for the affair?
Perhaps its better to now go your own ways? Not so easy though! When parting from a spouse, so many things to take into consideration. Like the finances? Who pays for what? Property? If sold who gets what share? Splitting up is a minefield. If the household bills are in joint names, then your gonna have to sort that. Bank accounts? Once again, if any in joint names, big problem there. He will have to agree to release you from the contract.
Best thing to do in this situation, is to calmly (easier said than done) come to an agreement as to who pays for what? You need a solicitor that specializes in this field.
On the other hand, a reconciliation?

Adora10 · 12/09/2017 17:14

OMG, just no; if you carry on with him you are basically a complete and utter doormat not to mention desperate.

He's not even been thrown out, what he has done I'm afraid has big bells on it saying I don't give a shit, I think you need to take a leaf out his book, however hard and upsetting; there's no way this man is remotely good enough for you; you must know that deep down, you're just scared of change, especially when it's been inflicted upon you but honestly, I'd rather be on my own in a shed than spend another minute with a man that could do this to me; it's 100% no coming back.

splendidisolation · 12/09/2017 17:19

This is absolutely fucking appalling. Bin both of them without a second thought.

BewareOfDragons · 12/09/2017 17:20

Why on earth are you asking him what he wants? What do you want?
Do you want a man who cheated on you with your best friend, liked about until he could lie any more, then waffled about who he loves?
Do you want this example of a relationship in your home for your DD?

Your poor DD.

In the long run, she will be better off with you showing her how she deserves to be treated. This isn't it. I'd kick him to the kerb if it was me. You deserve better, and your DD deserves a better example of a loving relationship which this clearly isn't.

Original poster
evie28 · 12/09/2017 17:21

when i asked him why he wants to come back he said that we used to be so happy and he wants that again. for the last 3 years our marriage went tits up we werent talking werent doing anything togheter and was working and looking after the house and children and he worked long hours. but i be feel like he killed all the love i had for him...Sad

OP posts:
BewareOfDragons · 12/09/2017 17:22

And you might consider moving your DD into another school when you do end the relationship. This will be horrible for you to endure at school, and the story will eventually come out and may come back to your DD while she is still young if you don't.

revolution909 · 12/09/2017 17:23

Where there any signs before it happened? I don't think there's turning back from this. My DH is very close to my bff but I'd never forgive them. If they did this to me

Adora10 · 12/09/2017 17:25

Sorry OP, nothing excuse what he did, what he did proves he doesn't give a shit, it has nothing to do with being neglected, busy, whatever other shit excuse he gives you.

What was his consequence, nothing, and yes asking him what he wants while he mulls over who's the lucky gal, really, honestly I couldn't even be in same room as the git.

IrritatedUser1960 · 12/09/2017 17:25

If they had done it somewhere else out of the house maybe I'd try again but in your fucking bed with your children next door leaving you to sleep in that - HELL NO!!!

ladystarkers · 12/09/2017 17:26

What a pair of c*nts. Ditch. They deserve each other. Your dd will be ok.

TheNaze73 · 12/09/2017 17:26

What a pair of wankers. Flowers

I'd actually be more angry at my friend than a DP if that's happened to me. It's the ultimate betrayal

Original poster
evie28 · 12/09/2017 17:27

i kicked him out as soon as found out and he still lives at his parents house! and no im not a doormat! but its hard...

OP posts:
ladystarkers · 12/09/2017 17:29

Please listen to the people on here. It will be ok without him. Flowers

magoria · 12/09/2017 17:55

He didn't just cheat on you.

He has treated everything about you with complete contempt and utter disrespect.

He didn't care that you went to bed sleeping in sheets they had fucked in.

He doesn't care that you have to face her every day on the school run.

He doesn't think he loves you but doesn't know if he loves her or not.

He doesn't care that he has destroyed your friendship with her forever.

He doesn't care that he has damaged his DD's friendship due to his actions.

Even now is treating you like a fucking mug 'just wanting to meet her to see' when he is telling her he has split with you because he loves her.

He couldn't even last a few days when he should be trying to make everything right without still being in contact with her he was straight back in there.

The only thing he cares about is that his cushy life has been affected.

You will be fine without him.

Also please consider an STI test. You don't really know now where either of them has been.

Original poster
evie28 · 12/09/2017 17:57

oh i wouldnt worry about std as we havent slept together for months...

OP posts:
Lonecatwithkitten · 12/09/2017 18:31

I have been where you are (playground and all). If he can not cut all contact with her then it is a deal breaker.
The very wise Any Fucker told me when I found that if he really wanted to stay he should be falling over himself to win me back. She was so right.

Urglewurgle · 12/09/2017 18:37
Flowers

What vile, despicable people. I can't even imagine how you feel but please don't take either of them back. The only way I'd have even considered trying again was if he was falling over himself to make it up to you, but he isn't. You can do this OP!

ohfourfoxache · 12/09/2017 18:45

You are giving this "man" way too much power.

Why?

He doesn't deserve it. Take it back. Start divorce proceedings and don't look back.

I promise that it won't be easy. But I can also promise that you'll look back on this and realise how much shit you put up with. Better times are coming, and you are going to be so much happier without this cuntweasel

kalinkafoxtrot45 · 12/09/2017 18:51

Get a shit hot lawyer and ensure this horrible man pays a decent amount to support your daughter. He has treated you appallingly, as has your so called friend. She'd be dead to me if I were in your shoes. Deleted and blocked and ignored. She's less than shit on your shoe.

WhooshYeah · 12/09/2017 19:05

I don't care if he looked like Tom Hardy with the bank account of Richard Branson & the humour of Peter Kay HE WOULD BE GONE IN A FLASH.

Never again would he touch me.

Get rid of him please. And don't speak to her again either.

Karma will come for them.

winterwinter · 12/09/2017 19:19

LTB all the way, the sheer lack of respect and dignity he has shown you is not something you want yourself or your DD to be around. Please don't doubt yourself, you can and you will be so much better without hauling this deadweight around xxxxxx

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