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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

Not cut out for parenting

58 replies

hotchocolatepop · 09/09/2017 16:01

I love my son and would do anything for him but I genuinely feel like I'm not cut out for this.

He is 2.6 and so demanding and naughty. We can't take him anywhere.

He bites, shouts, screams. He hits and kicks when i need to get him in / out of the car.

He wont walk nicely and will run off at any given opportunity.

Everything is "mine" at the moment which is driving me insane. He will shout it at people walking past who haven't even taken any notice of what it is he is claiming is his.

He jumps all over the furniture and beds and generally just creates chaos in every room. He won't listen if he is told no and finds it funny.

He occasionally sleeps through the night but not consistently so we're constantly tired.

I have him at home on my own 6 days a week whilst Oh is at work or doing his hobby on a Saturday.

It just seems whenever we're out he's the naughty kid.

The only thing that keeps him entertained is the iPad but I don't really like him having that too much but it's the only way I can keep him occupied.

I'm due another soon and I'm literally dreading what it's going to be like.

OP posts:

kittensinmydinner1 · 09/09/2017 16:29

Perhaps nursery would be a help if only for a few sessions a week. Say a couple of mornings so not too expensive. gives you a break and gets him in the swing of it. So doesn't feel pushed out when baby comes. Toddlers will always play up when with people they can 'push'. Having to 'conform' a bit at nursery may teach him some ground rules about getting in with others and how to behave in order to make friends.

As an aside, DH could knock the hobby on the head a bit. Perhaps down to EOW especially as you are heavily pregnant, and doing this all week. Not reasonable for him to bugger off every Saturday and leave you doing all the childcare again !

lilwayneslisp · 09/09/2017 16:33

I wonder why you'd have another if you don't feel up to parenting.

squirrelonapetridish · 09/09/2017 16:36

Was also going to suggest your DH not do his hobby on Saturday or you alternate Saturdays so you get to do something for yourself too? Why is it men feel it's their God given right to have time off for themselves and we don't?!! I'm the same,you feel guilty taking time out for yourself but you need it. Especially at this age when it's so full on. Our dd is the same at the moment, it's exhausting! I understand your pain

squirrelonapetridish · 09/09/2017 16:42

If he's running off all the time could you try reins? Especially if it could be a potentially dangerous situation. Could use them as a threat anyway if he doesn't behave! Have you tried time out /naughty step?we haven't yet so don't know how useful it would be.

Original poster

hotchocolatepop · 09/09/2017 16:43

He was at nursery up until recently however I lost my job due to redundancy and I had to pull him out so this has been a big change for both of us.

I have just enquired about a pre school that offers 3 hour morning sessions as this works out slightly cheaper as I will need a break. Grandparents only do so much...

I try and get him out of the house as much as possible (play groups, soft plays, play dates etc) but there's only so much I can a) afford and b) deal with being pregnant whilst also doing all household chores and shopping.

We have briefly spoken about him stopping his hobby but he is not happy about being asked to quit and says that all the others (men only hobby) get to play and their wives don't kick up a fuss...

I just feel like I can't cope with him and that I'm just not cut out for it.

OP posts:

Mrsfenchurch · 09/09/2017 16:47

Sounds like you need to set some serious boundaries for him. Have you read No Bad Kids? https://www.amazon.co.uk/gp/aw/d/1499351119/ref=mp ssa 111/259-2358156-6911333?ie=UTF8&qid=1504971960&sr=8-1&pi=AC SX2366SY340QL65&keywords=no+bad+kids&dpPl=1&dpID=41Ni2bDMNNL&ref=plSrch.

freefaller1 · 09/09/2017 16:53

Aw I feel for you OP, little terrors they can be.
I was dreading my second baby and my dc1 was 9 at the time as he had some behavioural issues.
There's nothing wrong with you having another baby btw- life isn't a walk in the park and neither are children.
Best thing to do is ask for help with your little boy- there's no shame in it. Take him to your GP and tell them that you're finding things difficult, explain some of the problems you've been having and they can point you in the right direction whether it be classes, community support whatever! Your local council can provide help too.
I waited years before taking my son to the gp as I didn't want him labelled in any way. The reality is they help and give advice and I wish I went earlier.
Help is out there but you have to go and ask for it.
I agree your husbands hobby needs to take a back seat for a while.

Original poster

hotchocolatepop · 09/09/2017 16:55

Thank you lilwayne for your helpful input there.

Clearly my intention was for him to continue nursery whilst I had a young baby and I was on mat leave and perhaps 9 months ago his behaviour was not so bad!

OP posts:

Original poster

hotchocolatepop · 09/09/2017 17:02

Freefaller I wouldn't say there was anything wrong with his behaviour like that as such he's just a very strong willed and mischievous little boy. But perhaps will mention to HV.

OP posts:

squirrelonapetridish · 09/09/2017 17:02

The other wives may not be in the same situation as you though, so that's pretty unfair. He needs to see things from your perspective a bit more, it's bloody tiring staying at home with them every day and you need a break.

Fishlegs · 09/09/2017 17:02

Your dh is a big problem here. Yes toddlers are a nightmare and other people will give you good advice on how to handle them, but op you are pregnant, doing all the household chores and ask your dh for help as you are clearly struggling and he says no???

It's not it that that you aren't cut out for parenting, it's that your dh is a twat.

KingLooieCatz · 09/09/2017 17:04

Tell DH all the women get a break and their husbands are supportive and caring. What a twat. Find something that gets you out the house childfree for a few hours every weekend, doesn't even matter what it is. Or one evening a week, and he ccan do the whole bedtime routine while you swan off to stitch and bitch/meditation/bell ringing.

Ohyesiam · 09/09/2017 17:08

That's why it's called the terrible twos. He will mellow, three is really different. And you can almost guarantee that your next child will be the polar opposite, as it's every patents right to say " they are like chalk and cheese my two ".
I wasnt cut out for toddler patenting, bit the older bits are a delight.

gamerchick · 09/09/2017 17:11

Your bloke is the problem here, selfish fucker.if he's not willing to give up his Saturday's then every.single.sunday for the forseable he takes his child out for the day.

Yes it'll be shit not getting any family time but if something doesn't give you'll probably have a meltdown and kick him out a few months in of dealing with a newborn on top.

Put your foot down .

Original poster

hotchocolatepop · 09/09/2017 17:12

He's not very supportive tbh. I once had a hair appointment that I was really looking forward to and he insisted on coming with the toddler and going off somewhere which meant I couldn't relax expecting them
To show up any moment.

I don't think he's actually looked after him for
More than a couple of hours in the last 2 and a half years on his own. He's either with friends or taken him to his parents!

OP posts:

Original poster

hotchocolatepop · 09/09/2017 17:18

Gamerchick I don't think that would go down well tbh. I'm taking him out for the day tomorrow as OH is doing some painting and decorating before dc2 arrives.

Unfortunately it's also his house so I'd be the one that'd have to leave.

OP posts:

Amatree · 09/09/2017 17:20

Yup, your husband is a huge part of the problem here. Why do you put up with his behaviour? Of course he won't change if you continue to humour him as he fails to step up as a husband and father. Tell him if he wants his Saturdays you are taking Sundays, no debate. Get up in the morning and walk out without discussion if necessary. Stand up to him for goodness sake!

peachandplum · 09/09/2017 17:23

You need to stop having children with this useless man. Why do you do it? What are you trying to achieve?

gamerchick · 09/09/2017 17:24

It's your marriage. If you don't make a stand now I predict you'll be on your knees in 8 months time.

What kind of man won't look after his own kids or take them out? My ex was a massive twat but he mucked in with the shit early years. It doesn't matter if it's his house as well, he should want to give you a rest.

You're not painting a good picture of your dude here.

Fishlegs · 09/09/2017 17:25

Are you married?
You say it's his house. If you're not married yet you have kids why are you not on the deeds?

Original poster

hotchocolatepop · 09/09/2017 17:51

We are not married no.

The house is technically his but all deeds etc are in his parents name for various reasons.

OP posts:

Fishlegs · 09/09/2017 18:04

I think you should post in relationships. Having a toddler is tricky but your main problem is the person you are parenting with.

GinandGingerBeer · 09/09/2017 18:18

The book 'toddler taming' was my bible when mine were toddlers, but they're 15 & 17 now and that's a whole new world of parenting problems!
Shame there isn't 'OH Taming' to sort your self centred other half out.

twattymctwatterson · 09/09/2017 19:06

What are your DP's good points? It's no wonder you feel like you're struggling when he acts like parenting is solely your job.

Incidentally I remember crying and desperately trying to arrange parenting classes when my DD was that age. 18 months later and she still definitely has her moments but it's a lot better than it was

Original poster

hotchocolatepop · 09/09/2017 19:10

I haven't posted on here for relationship advice. I have posted on here for toddler behaviour advice.

Regardless of DP I would be having to deal
With this with or without him wouldn't I.

So if I could have helpful comments regarding toddlers that would be a lot more beneficial.

OP posts:

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