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Original poster

Flaky Women on Tinder

81 replies

user1488655394 · 08/09/2017 22:38

Been single for over a month so decided to give Tinder a bash. Matched with a few nice women - all good so far, or you would think.

Tinder Girl #1 -

Started off chatting to her and turns our we have the same hobbies in common, indie films etc. Good flirty banter, she complimented me a lot of my looks etc. so I asked if we could arrange a date to meet for a coffee or drink.

She comes back with the following message -

'To be honest I'm not sure if I would feel things date-wise. Don't hate me even though I'm not sure we'd have loads to talk about.'

I responded with -
' I respect your honesty. What appears to be troubling you?'

She says -
'I'm going off a feeling. I've had a few flings/relationships that haven't worked out because I was a bit unsure at the start.'

Not heard from her since. A week later, same thing happens with another woman.....

Tinder Girl #2

She's really flirty, we exchange numbers, she seems lovely. She wanted to see more photos of me which I was a bit apprehensive about but still sent it her via Whatsapp. She thought I was hot.
She then says she need to pick up her kids from School so will chat in the evening. I messaged her a few times that evening - no response.

I messaged her next day around midday saying 'how's it going?' - nothing.

I then sent her the following message - ' If you aren't interested, I totally respect that but if you can let me know I'd appreciate it because I don't want to keep bothering you and pushing something that's one way.'

She finally responds with 'Sorry, that's why I haven't been replying. I'm not interested anymore.'

So my question is - they seemed flaky right? I mean, did I do or say something wrong? Was there any way I could've turned this around? I'm open to any critique / advice.

OP posts:
TheFifthKey · 09/09/2017 22:22

It's not treating someone like shit. I think the people who think that must have lost many an evening talking to bores on nights out when the more canny among us just gave them the slip Grin

thestamp · 09/09/2017 22:39

Yeah whenever I read these threads where folk go on about how rude and awful it is not to tell someone you have never met that you don't like them like that... I just think...
A) is there not a default assumption that I am NOT romantically interested in everyone I meet, whether online or otherwise? If there's anything I do "owe" to a stranger, it's to tell them I AM interested in them...
B) how incredibly painful it must be to have such high expectations of people you have literally never met. I'm lucky in that I am not a sensitive snowflake I suppose

MrsTerryPratchett · 09/09/2017 23:51

It would be a lot easier and more common for women to decline politely if so many men didn't react so badly, sometimes very badly, to polite rejection.

pickledparsnip · 10/09/2017 09:35

Has been really good to read these posts. I've been OLD on and off for nearly a year now. It seems like a great idea after a couple of glasses of wine, but I never stick around long.

I am amazed at the amount of pricks out there. Men who think you owe them something.

pickledparsnip · 10/09/2017 09:52

When I first joined I replied to everyone who messaged me, because you know that's polite. Mentioned it to a friend who told me to stop being so daft, and haven't since. I had the feeling that it was rude not to reply, which I now realise it ridiculous. I don't owe any of those men anything.

Queenofthedrivensnow · 10/09/2017 09:53

Glad the rejections are for the same reasons pretty much across the board!

BackieJerkhart · 10/09/2017 11:29

Men who think you owe them something.

Yup!!

I recently had one guy message me simply saying "Hi". I checked out his profile and wasn't interested so I didn't respond. Half an hour later he messaged me saying "thanks for that" I asked what he meant and he said "you ignored me" I responded asking him what made him think he was entitled to a response from me and he said he didn't one now because I was rude and stuck up Grin

Don't even get me started on the men that send multiple messages over weeks when you never even respond to the first one. Take the fucking hint!! Creepy weirdos.

pickledparsnip · 10/09/2017 11:48

BackieJerkhart what a complete dick!
Most of the messages I get simply say "Hi." How imaginative.

The couple of guys I have messaged first have either only replied once or not replied at all. Fair enough. I sure as hell wouldn't keep messaging them! Accept they're not interested and move on.

I think I'm going to step away from OLD for a bit. To be honest it makes me feel a bit miserable!

AdalindSchade · 10/09/2017 11:57

Check out this dude. I really enjoyed this. But note his entitlement - 'I apologised didn't I?' - i.e. You owe me forgiveness! Fuck that

Flaky Women on Tinder
pickledparsnip · 10/09/2017 11:59

There's a guy who has been messaging me for a few weeks, and we've swapped numbers. There's something about him I'm not quite sure about though. I know I have to trust my gut. Just little things like he's called me a "slacker" twice now (when I said about bring quite messy, and talking about getting my business off the ground). I'm sure he was just trying to be funny but uh no. I told him that despite my messiness, the last thing I'd call myself was a slacker. A busy single mum yeah, slacker no. He told me that I just needed a "helper." Presumably him.

Plus he's been messaging me a lot. Bit much to be honest. He really keen to chat on the phone and meet up and I'm just not. I need to tell him. I am shit at telling people I'm not interested. Don't think OLD is for me.

fullspeedbrunette · 10/09/2017 12:03

Backie exactly! Surely not responding is a response in itself? I can't stand the guys who get nasty if you don't reply - I also had one who said hi and I wasn't interested based on his profile - he then sent 3 or 4 more messages ending on calling me a stuck up bitch! Unbelievable ....

pickledparsnip · 10/09/2017 12:03

Fucking hell AdalindSchade. What a delight.

BackieJerkhart · 10/09/2017 12:20

Seriously, full where are these guys getting the idea that not being interested in someone means you're stuck up?? Are we supposed to be grateful for all male attention and fall into their cocks?

AdalindSchade · 10/09/2017 12:22

Basically yeah
That's how male entitlement works

Emilybrontescorsett · 10/09/2017 13:18

Op are you aiming too high with the women you are messaging?
I don't want to sound rude but have a good look at yourself and ask if you were a woman what sort of man would you expect to attract?
When I was on line it was amusing the amount of men, who categorically did not meet my 'what I'm looking for' who still messaged me was ridiculous.
I'm no Angelina Jolie btw.
If someone cannot read then I'm not interested. If someone cannot read and then is rude by repeatedly messaging me then I'm getting pissed off and seriously not interested. I also don't blame women for not explaining.
If I'd been exchanging messages and then felt it was going nowhere I would politely say I'm not interested.
Some men do get aggressive and they ruin it for other men.
Nobody had to explain anything to you.
Most men can't take it anyway, they are too entitled.
The fact that they aren't what you want is precisely that. I don't want to explain to someone that actually, the last photo you sent looks like you live in a pigsty or is taken in a dodgy bar or looks as though you need to visit the dentist- now.

Queenofthedrivensnow · 10/09/2017 14:38

I think old has an effect on some men. They approach women they wouldn't irl that's for sure. Or they have issues around rejection and take it out on strangers because well - the facility is available with old.

Queenofthedrivensnow · 10/09/2017 14:40

Yesteday I had 2 messages from a guy on tinder. 1. Hello. 2. Well you're not very chatty. Drink with you will be hard work won't it!!

I hadn't yet read or responded to anyone's messages that day I was at work ffs!

fullspeedbrunette · 10/09/2017 17:14

Appears we are all having similar issues! 😂

CardsforKittens · 10/09/2017 17:33

It's been a while since I did OLD, but there did seem to be people out there who wanted an argument more than they wanted a date.

And, oddly, men who would put things in their profile like 'I keep myself healthy and I expect my girlfriend to do the same - no one over a size 10 please' ... who would then message me despite it being very obvious from my photos that I was at least a size 20. What's that about?

And yeah, also lots of rudeness if I said I didn't think it would work. Ignoring was generally much better than trying to let people down gently. I was quite startled at how rude some men could be to a woman they'd never even met.

Emilybrontescorsett · 10/09/2017 19:24

Yes I didn't bother responding when I didn't want to carry on any conversation after the rudeness I encountered.
I suppose it's like real life, some don't take rejection well so women just ignore rather than get drawn onto an argument.

Changedname3456 · 11/09/2017 18:38

You all think it's just men that react like that? Believe me, from personal experience, it's really not.

Plenty of female tossers out there.

Coconutspongexo · 11/09/2017 18:43

I recently signed up to tinder after being single for nearly 2 years I thought why not?

I only matched with 3 people (one who I knew)

One is moving to Spain - the one who I knew.

The other two 'superliked me' and they've harassed me, I mean harassed at first they were lovely spoke for a few days and gave my number as I wanted to delete tinder.

I didn't reply to one boy as I was in work I received 27 texts and a phone call in an hour with 'you best not be talking to other boys'

The other found out where I worked some how despite me being very vague and waited for me to finish work to take me for coffee?

I understand why people can come across 'flaky' on tinder people can be scary and i think some people are full on.

Also it can make people realise they aren't actually ready for dating which I now think is the case for me

ravenmum · 11/09/2017 19:18

' I respect your honesty. What appears to be troubling you?'

  • You have a really long baggy shirt and bleached jeans on and it's not my style.
  • You are wearing really strong aftershave. I can taste it in my mouth.
  • I couldn't tell from looking at three photos of you whether you were my type or not. Turns out you aren't.
  • You started that really boring conversation some people seem to like having about how young people just go round looking at their phones all day. I've heard it once too often.
  • You looked quite sad when talking about your ex. I could do with someone who's feeling a bit more cheerful.
  • You're really sweet. I like slightly more arrogant men.
  • You look fine but there's no spark and I don't want to waste anyone's time.
  • I don't know! What happens if I can't think of a good reason? Do I have to have a second date anyway?
OlderGolder · 11/09/2017 19:19

'emilybronte I think you are absolutely on the money there. Men over reach more on the internet than they do in real life I think.

I find that men 10-15 years older than I am message me, and my profile makes it clear I'm into health and fitness and wouldn't be a good match for an overweight smoker (although who knows, if they had a GREAT personality I'd risk a date) but the men who message me I think they must like being ignored. They're not implementing a strategy to be replied to.

Before anybody crucifies me, ''assortative mating'' is a thing in a real life setting. And as a woman I carry that over in to on line, when I message somebody I'm realistic. I go more by the profile but I wouldn't be foolish enough to set myself up for endless rejections by messaging younger men in their thirties who are conventionally handsome and tall and educated with great profiles to boot. I'd go for men a few years older who look like if they're living in the real world will be pleased to get a message from me.

One man was complaining to me about the number of fake profiles on line and the number of scammers and fishers. He was in his fifties. I can only presume he was over reaching massively to be taken in repeatedly. He told me he chatted to women for a bit and then they said ''oh my mother is sick can you fund her life-saving operation''. Confused A version of this happened to him more than once. Apparently.

OlderGolder · 11/09/2017 19:25

fullspeedbrunette I had a message (an opening message) from a man who said ''are you like the rest of the stuck up prudes on here''. I replied ''yeh''