Flaky Women on Tinder

[user1488655394]

Been single for over a month so decided to give Tinder a bash. Matched with a few nice women - all good so far, or you would think.

Tinder Girl #1 -

Started off chatting to her and turns our we have the same hobbies in common, indie films etc. Good flirty banter, she complimented me a lot of my looks etc. so I asked if we could arrange a date to meet for a coffee or drink.

She comes back with the following message -

'To be honest I'm not sure if I would feel things date-wise. Don't hate me even though I'm not sure we'd have loads to talk about.'

I responded with -
' I respect your honesty. What appears to be troubling you?'

She says -
'I'm going off a feeling. I've had a few flings/relationships that haven't worked out because I was a bit unsure at the start.'

Not heard from her since. A week later, same thing happens with another woman.....

Tinder Girl #2

She's really flirty, we exchange numbers, she seems lovely. She wanted to see more photos of me which I was a bit apprehensive about but still sent it her via Whatsapp. She thought I was hot.
She then says she need to pick up her kids from School so will chat in the evening. I messaged her a few times that evening - no response.

I messaged her next day around midday saying 'how's it going?' - nothing.

I then sent her the following message - ' If you aren't interested, I totally respect that but if you can let me know I'd appreciate it because I don't want to keep bothering you and pushing something that's one way.'

She finally responds with 'Sorry, that's why I haven't been replying. I'm not interested anymore.'

So my question is - they seemed flaky right? I mean, did I do or say something wrong? Was there any way I could've turned this around? I'm open to any critique / advice.

I messaged her a few times that evening - no response

Move on.

Don't pester.

There are some people on this purely for an ego boost or a way of passing time in a fun way, once they have the 1 or 2 texts then its'next'. Be they make or female, I know this from friends and my son

TheFifthKey
In most cases I start the conversation. Whenever they haven't messaged me first and I've decided to wait nothing happens or the woman unmatches me
I'm a woman as well so gender roles are out the window.

I would never ever keep messaging someone who wasn't interested in coversation. Don't do it OP.

In the initial communications, my women friends will blow off men for all kinds of reasons such as:

They use "your" when they mean "you're" - this one is HUGE, you'd be surprised. I think it's silly, but whatever.
They did a google search as soon as they got the full name or phone number and found information they don't like however major or minor - could be one bad photograph.
If they claim they are divorced, then there must be public record of it. Every single time no public record could be found, it turns out the man was still married and the wife had no idea what her husband was doing.
Height issues - esp if they don't disclose the height and the woman has to try and figure it out using photographs (I have a lot of tall women friends who love to wear heels - it's a deal breaker.)
Sexy talk way too soon. Implies the only thing the man wants is sex.
Logistically undesirable. Lives too far away.
The man's shared custody arrangement is the exact opposite of my friends' arrangement, means no child-free times between the two.
Man demands frequent texting - I have friends who do not text while at work, period, so there are HOURS of no responses - if the guy can't handle it then he is controlling and will be deleted.

So, in summary, it's a crap shoot.

They're not flaky. They haven't MET you!

I have chatted with men on line and wanted to meet but the conversation just dwindles.

It's all a process. First round - mutual like. Second round - messages. Third round -- arranging to meet. Fourth round - both showing up.

If a man I haven't even met makes me feel like I owe it to him to reply or owe it to him to reply quicker (that happens often ime) or owe it to him to meet him just because we exchanged a few messages then that is a red flag obviously. What else would he think I owed him? At what point would he understand that I owed him nothing? AFter agreeing to meet, after a date? Yikes. Reverse reverse reverse.

I then sent her the following message - ' If you aren't interested, I totally respect that but if you can let me know I'd appreciate it because I don't want to keep bothering you and pushing something that's one way.'

Her lack of response was letting you know. Why would you keep pestering someone who hadnt responded to you? One of two things was happening there, either 1) you are incredibly dim to think that pestering someone who is ignoring you will lead to a lovely relationship. I mean did you think she had made a mistake in deciding not to respond to you? Did you think reminding her that you exist would help her realise she had ignored in error and suddenly see that a man who can't take a hint is her ideal man after all? Or 2) you wanted her to apologise for ignoring you.

Agree with bubblingup's list. I ended a conversation last week because the man called me babes. I'm allowed to do that and I don't have to explain or justify it.

ps, I agree that often, something in a man's mindset just reveals itself in conversation and is a turn off.

I was chatting to a man a while back in person thought, and he defended the myth of the happy hooker. I didn't give it to him both barrels but I said something non-commital like ''no girl grows up dreaming of being a prostitute''.
He explained that he knew that some 'hookers' were happy because he'd had them in the back of his taxi and they told him they were happy.

I don't think I bothered pointing out to him that people aren't consciously aware of their unmet potential, that they don't necessarily share their deepest disappointments with a taxi driver alongside chat about the weather, and that two women in the back of his taxi is not a big enough sample group upon which to base such a firmly held belief and lastly it's just too convenient to be so invested into insisting that hookers are happy.

I said nothing, cheerio then,. But I was SO TURNED OFF

You sound needy

Also the 'how's it going' or 'how's your day' is irritating as fuck
Sometimes it just fizzles out or like PP have said it only takes one little thing to turn you off, my classic reasons have been:

Flat head
Weird beard
Too short
Thin lips
Needy
Too flirty

And more seriously:
Thought children needed a 'good hiding' to keep them in line
And another who sent me a pic of a hand print on a girls ass saying 'the only time you should mark a woman'
And men that are happy for you to meet their children after 2 dates
Dick pics
Sex talk

I've given up OLD now it's up to mr right to find me

I had a really promising man suggest we meet for ice cream with our kids for a first date
I told him I don't bring my kid on dates. He said 'sorry I'm new to dating' yeah but you aren't new to parenting you prick

Just remembered another red flag

Men who hate 'drama'. What that usually means in my experience is that they would like to mill through women at a speedy rate and that they don't have the emotional intelligence to understand that if you enter in to a sexual relationship with somebody feelings will be involved and to bear that in mind. The overt arseholes will say ''no bunny boilers'' and the buddhist players will say ''no drama''.

Obviously 'no drama' means let's do this according to my agenda and if you get hurt fuck off instantly so I don't have to be confronted with my own lack of scruples.

My friends tend to use Tinder just for hook ups and other sites or apps for actual dating.

Sadly that's how online dating works, I have been doing it Ina no off dp for 2 year and I get this a lot (sometimes a few times a week), get used to it and don't expect anything until you have met, actually still don't expect anything because even after a few dates they can still vanish.

No reponse IS a response.

Don't be so needy ! It's so off putting.

And ghosting is not a thing when you haven't met ffs

Ghosting is when there's been an actual relationship of some duration, not just when you've talked a few times over a few days.

Take it as a given that if people don't reply, they're not interested.

You can't ghost someone before you've met them. Even after a date in person it's not ghosting. Only if you've had 2+ dates and/or sex.

Says who?!
You??

Says normal social convention!
After one coffee or drink you don't owe anyone anything and they don't owe you either. Certainly after a text conversation nobody owes anything at all.
2+ dates is different and obviously if you've had sex at whatever stage that's different too. Then s level of courtesy is required.

So you thought you'd come and complain about women..... here. OK.

thestamp you are spot on 🙌🏼

I've had a few blokes I've been talking to and if I lose interest after a day or so or the conversation fizzles out then I just stop responding .... they're strangers to me, what's the big deal?

"They're strangers to me, what's the big deal?"

That you have to ask (even rhetorically) says a lot. Just because some, even if it's the majority, behave in a certain way doesn't make it something to emulate. A small bit of kindness/consideration/courtesy goes a very long way.

I think ppl can treat others like shit with online dating because there behind a screen so not dealing with real emotions.

Totally agree changedname.

Seriously. It is not expected to message every person you've lost interest in at the messaging stage to tell them you no longer wish to message them. That would be ridiculous.