Is this just one of those things? Am I being unfair and / or unrealistic?

[Holidaydisappointment]

Recently went on hols with my (for want of a better word - been together several years but don't living together) boyfriend, and my young adult DC. We've done short breaks in UK but this is the first time we've been abroad either together or separately, since we've been together.

It's been a stressful year. We have really busy, demanding jobs, lots of other stressor too, health and personal. I've spent the last few months feeling at the end of my tether.

So decided we deserved a holiday. I arranged, booked and paid for it. Went to a pretty standard AI place in the Med. My goals were short flight ( we're nervous fliers), cheapish, AI...the place I found fitted bill perfectly.

My intention was to basically spend the week lounging round the pool, reading, relaxing and de-stressing. My DC were also happy to do similar. When I told boyfriend about it he seemed on board, said he'd be happy to swim, have a few drinks etc.

However in the event he basically didn't enjoy it. It was too hot for him (around 28-30) most days. He did sit outside with us but mainly in shade (fair enough), the pool was too cold, there was too much food, he drank one day but not really after that (he's not a big drinker anyway) as it made him feel shit. He feels we wasted our week away and should have gone out for a day or 2. But really we only got 6 days (as on arrival day everyone slept mainly, as we had a very early flight) we did go out one day into the local area, but there wasn't much there tbh (we could have gone to the nearest big town which was about 5km away but neither me or DC were that bothered).

Overall I had a good holiday, as did DC, and having got through the flights fine, I was feeling confident and thinking I should do another holiday next year. To which he said he wouldn't come away with me again as he refused to sit round a pool all week and I should have compromised and done something else for 2 days. Even though I had said before we went that I didn't want to do much at all.

I didn't want to think about or organise anything. My life is constantly organising things, my to do list is massive and constant. For once it was nice not to have to do anything. If we'd gone anywhere it would have been for me to plan and arrange and I really couldn't be bothered.

I feel a bit unhappy with this. It's taken the shine off my hols, and made me think about the future. Not in a I want to split up way, but more a how is this going to work if we can't agree how we spend holidays?

Or am I being completely unfair and should I just have agreed?

He sounds like a spoilt baby! Since when was lying in the sun, next to a lovely pool, with food and drink on tap, some kind of excrutiating experience? Millions of people pay good money, every single year, to do just that. That's why it's a multi billion pound industry. He sounds ungrateful, miserable, boring and moany. What was his alternative? For you to not buy his ticket and leave him alone at home. Bet he would have moaned about that too. You really can't win, can you?

I didn't think i needed to make an agreement of when he'd pay me, just that he would at some point. I haven't said don't pay me, nor pay me by X date. He is short of funds currently (self employed) I have assumed when he's in funds and has had invoices paid he'll pay me.

I dont see how it sounds like I dont like him. We have disagreed on our holiday, I'm (understandably) disappointed by that, I thought I had been clear on the holiday type and plans.

He is very stressed at the moment over certain personal issues, which may be a factor. I think it has demonstrated that there is a lack of communication which is perhaps something we both need to improve upon.

I don't see how he could go on the holiday you paid for and not bring up at any stage when/how he was going to pay you back. I would have been aware of it the whole holiday.

@MsRight they've been dating for years and have taken several mini breaks. It sounds like the money part always works out just fine, and isn't an issue between them.

@Holidaydisapointment I think that many of the people who post here can't conceive of having a disagreement or issue in a relationship, and then constructively working through it to grow as people and grow as a couple. Some posters just want to name call rather than offer any suggestions for how to move forward.

TBH you should like you're really irritated that he doesn't like your way of holiday!

Saying I suppose I'll have to spend my holidays on my own, not what I wanted!

Well, your holiday is not what he wanted but he seemed to be able to compromise and only have two days he wanted.

Ever thought about compromising.....might be an option.

FWIW I think your ideas are boring, I'd hate to come back from a holiday where my vest achievement was reading 5 books by a kidney shaped swimming pool.

I like to dove back having seen local places, views, local menus etc.

I couldn't be doing with someone who'd made zero contribution to planning or organising the holiday, hadn't paid anything, and agreed to everything suggested - then moaned the whole time that it wasn't what he wanted after all. Why the hell did he think it was your responsibility to arrange things for him to do?

Perhaps he agrees with the posters above who think poolside/Beach holidays are boring - in which case, why didn't he bloody say so beforehand? He could have just said no thanks, not my thing; he could have done offered to find a compromise holiday with a mix-up of poolside and activities ; he could have organised the holiday himself. But doing bugger all to help and then moaning about it after the event is fucking pointless.

My mum and stepdad have been together for 30 years. He can't take hot weather and hates pool holidays, so they do city breaks and cycling holidays together.

Mum comes on at least one beach holiday a year with me and/or my sister .

Its do-able.

I think by his 40s he should know if he would like a poolside holiday in the roasting heat in the med or not and if not then he needed to do something about it.

I recently went on a beach holiday with 2 dear women friends, they wanted to sunbathe and lie by the pool all day, which was fine. I organised booked and paid for two day trips myself and very much enjoyed them. I offered the others to come but they didn't want to, and that was fine. But I am an adult, so

So he wanted you to spend more of your time and money on organising specific activities to keep him entertained?

And this was half way through the holiday that YOU paid for?

I like pool holidays and I like the more active kind too. It depends what you need, and it sounds like you needed to read and relax in the sun to recharge.

He's incredibly lucky to have a holiday paid for him. I can't believe PP have been flaming you. There was NOTHING stopping him forking out for his own day or two of adventure. He's an adult man and I doubt you had him shackled to a pair of armbands and a sun lounger

Is he usually a tight bastard op?

The part I find the strangest is that he complained there was too much food!! How is that a basis of a complaint? Too little I could understand, but too much? 🙄

Wanting to spend an entire week by the pool is normal. Wanting to do a couple of day trips or explore the local area is also normal. Neither is unreasonable but failing to communicate and then complaining about it after, or refusing to listen to your DP if they did communicate a desire to do something different is a bit unreasonable. It sounds like you need to have the chat pps above have suggested. But he does need to understand that if he wants to do cultural stuff or whatever on holiday, it's not your job to organise it for him.

Two things you could consider for the future.

Getting involved with Meetup, basically meeting people for hobbies, activities where you have a shared interest (not a relationship site). www.meetup.com/?_cookie-check=QNLgZdjQxrd8tQmG

Two booking a holiday through Explore or Exodus where everything is organised for you. Although this is more his holiday than yours. It caters for small groups including singles and you spend the week or time period with the group doing activities together. www.exodus.co.uk/

Enjoying different things on holiday? Fixable. Can find ways to work around it.

Not paying for your own share of a holiday upfront and then not paying the other person back in a timely fashion (particularly when that person is a single parent)? Big old red flag.