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Original poster

Ungrateful sod or fair enough??

101 replies

Filly46 · 07/09/2017 18:28

My DP of one year has just had his 33rd birthday. As part of his gift I spent over £100 on tickets for both of us to attend a sports game I knew he would love. I spent ages online trying to get the best seats and spent time on creatively presenting them as a gift. (Decorated American football with the date of the event, teams etc)
Upon opening the gift he told me that he already had plans to go with his friends (I had no idea).
The game is a month away and they haven't even got to the stage of buying tickets. It's just been loosely arranged that they will plan on going.
He's told me sorry but he's already told his friends he will go with them and perhaps I can sell the tickets online instead to someone else.
I feel like a complete idiot as the gift was such an anti climax and I felt embarrassed.
I suggested maybe we could meet his mates at half time for a drink instead but he has refused.
Am I right to feel let down/upset by this?

OP posts:
joolspoon · 07/09/2017 20:35

Wow Dump him

bigfatdoughnut · 07/09/2017 20:35

I wouldn't be happy to say the least he'd be dumped

Threenme · 07/09/2017 20:37

I think I shall just accept I'm in the minority (i.e alone)! Good luck with whatever you decide op! Hope you have a good time going or get your money back Flowers

LineysRun · 07/09/2017 20:52

I agree there's a lack of grace there.

Shoxfordian · 07/09/2017 21:17

Its really ungrateful

He hasn't even got tickets yet! Sounds like he just doesn't want to spend time with you

Branleuse · 07/09/2017 21:27

id sell the tickets on and laugh when he couldnt get anymore.

Fuck him.

NanooCov · 07/09/2017 21:28

What a bell end. Sell the tickets, but yourself something lovely and tell him to go fuck himself.

Brahms3rdracket · 07/09/2017 21:29

LTB, what an ungrateful fuckwit.

SonicBoomBoom · 07/09/2017 21:34

I think he's been rude and ungrateful too.

I don't see why he can't go with you and meet his friends for a drink if they manage to get tickets, that was a good compromise you offered.

I think HJNTIY. You deserve better.

Disneybump · 07/09/2017 21:44

Do you have any hot guy friends who would go with you? Tell your OH no dramas about going with his mates, you're going with [insert hot guy friend here]. Then on the day don't text your OH and take loads of selfies and put them on Facebook.

That is a very childish immature plan but I think it sounds like it would work in my head. I don't have Facebook either so I don't know what I'm talking about. Plus I don't have any hot guy friends.

If you had a proper close guy friend (who your OH doesn't know) then get him in on the plan and really go to town on them selfies. Then spend the whole of the night talking about how much fun you had and you never realised how much fun the sport was until you went with [insert hot guy friend here]. Good luck!

Ellisandra · 07/09/2017 21:46

Well, you haven't really said what his reaction was... you did say in the OP that he says sorry. But that can be a flippant quick sorry, or a genuine "oh no..."

I don't think he needed to have told you he was thinking of going. And it sounds like he'd never have guessed you'd get them. He may also legitimately think you don't care about going to this specific event.

Going with your girlfriend and meeting friends for drinks is not the same as a big group outing.

I wouldn't mind if my boyfriend asked if I minded selling them on. But... he's always really well mannered and appreciative, and I know he'd ask me to join the group trip. And I bet he'd suggest we do a different "couple" thing.

So it all depends for me on his reaction. Remember that you know you took ages choosing seats and thinking of the present, but actually from the outside it could just as easily be a 5 minute job "what shall I get? Oh - NFL. Click click pay".

I'm trying to see it from his side, but I am veering towards thinking he's an ungrateful sod Grin

Bluntness100 · 07/09/2017 21:53

He seems more of a boyfriend than a partner? Or do you live together?

To be fair if I was looking forward to going to something with all my friends and had agreed, I'd feel a bit gutted if I had to pull out and then go with my partner instead. I love him but it wouldn't be as much fun in this context.

The issue here is should he have sucked it up and pretended he'd much rather go with his girlfriend and not his mates, even though she had no clue about the game. Subjective, but probably better he is honest rather than just hide his disappointment and lie.

foodiefil · 07/09/2017 22:05

You are right to be let down. Sorry darling. Can't him and one of his mates buy them? Then you go for cocktails x

scootinFun · 07/09/2017 22:05

I agree; sell them on or go yourself but let him sort out an attempt at going. Do not hand them over when it goes tits up.

GlitterSparkles17 · 07/09/2017 22:09

Ungreatful, id either go with a friend, and when he can't get tickets say "sorry I've asked X to go now and I can't cancel on her it's not fair" or just sell the tickets and treat yourself.

If this was me and my partner had bought the tickets I'd just tell my friends I can't go with them, it's not as if you knew they were planning on going.

Shumpalumpa · 07/09/2017 22:12

He must make a great enemy, if he can treat someone he supposedly cares about so shoddily.

Beentherelefthimgotthetshirt · 07/09/2017 22:15

I bought my XH test match tickets when we first dated and he absolutely loved the gift. Your gift is not clingy or any other red flag. His behaviour is a shocking red flag.

OllyBJolly · 07/09/2017 22:29

Is he a real NFL fan? My DH is. We go to Wembley most years - not this year for family reasons.

NFL fans are a bit weird. There are a lot who go to London, dress up in the NFL team gear, hit the pub and watch the Wembley game on telly. It''s a brilliant atmosphere and I can see why a real fan would want to go with their fan mates and just hang out there whether they are going to the game or not.

Tbh, I really don't enjoy the game (unless we're in Miami - easier to bear in the sunshine!) and would be much happier if DH went with a pal. Wembley is cold, usually raining and the games go on forever. The clock says 11 minutes to go, but in reality it could be 45 minutes. Then the eternal queues for the tube.

If I was you, I'd sell the tickets at a profit. Buy him a pair of socks and spend the rest on something lovely for yourself.

ReanimatedSGB · 08/09/2017 00:57

It can be a clingy/controlling gesture to buy tickets to an event that your partner likes but you have no interest in, if the condition is that the partner goes to the event with you rather than with friends who actually like it. Some people are like that - they have to muscle in on everything a partner does, just to show how Important this Relationship Is.

It wasn't clear in OP whether that was the case, which was why I asked about it. It now seems that she was just trying to be nice and the bloke's been a bit of a miserable sod about it.

cakecakecheese · 08/09/2017 08:07

I can sort of see why he might not want to say to his mates that he's going with the gf instead but he should have been delighted by the effort you've gone to and tried some sort of compromise rather than flat out turning down your lovely gift. I agree that you should either go without him or flog the tickets, maybe sell them to his mate with a massive mark up! And then think about whether you want to stay with someone who doesn't seem to consider your feelings very much. Is he like this often, not compromising?

ShatnersWig · 08/09/2017 08:21

I'd dump someone who responded like that I think.

SeaCabbage · 08/09/2017 08:30

Yeah I think a lot depends on his manner, his tone etc. Did he appreciate your thought?

I can see why he might prefer to go with his friends who actually enjoy the game but he should still have been really appreaciative of your thought.

Colourmylife1 · 08/09/2017 08:39

I think if you buy tickets for an event as a present you should not necessarily assume that you will be invited to use the second ticket. The tickets were his birthday present. When my EXH gave me tickets as a present he always stressed it was up to me who I invited ( and of course it was almost always him unless it was something he had no interest in). Your DP was very ungracious and your present was very thoughtful but I don't think you should have assumed he would want to go with you rather than a friend.

Doublemint · 08/09/2017 08:47

If I knew I wouldn't cave and go with DP when he realised he couldn't get tickets- I would go myself with a mate and have a great time.

If I thought I might cave and go with DP when he realises his friend is talking out of his arse I would sell them and buy myself something lovely with the money.

Disneybump · 08/09/2017 10:43

Colourmylife1 I don't think that makes any sense... she bought them tickets. She bought them an experience together doing something he liked and that is a lovely idea. I bought my DH tickets to a music festival and fully assumed I was going too... and did.

If your partner asks you if you would like to go out for dinner on your birthday, do you say "yes please I'll go with Shawn"?? No. Nobody does that. If you go to a hotel for the night you don't say "cheers hun Alice from work loves the Hitlon I'll give her a call" then let them pay the bill because it's 'a gift' and you can use it how you like?

I think it is a given with gifts like that you share them as a couple. That's the whole idea of them

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