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Original poster

Ungrateful sod or fair enough??

101 replies

Filly46 · 07/09/2017 18:28

My DP of one year has just had his 33rd birthday. As part of his gift I spent over £100 on tickets for both of us to attend a sports game I knew he would love. I spent ages online trying to get the best seats and spent time on creatively presenting them as a gift. (Decorated American football with the date of the event, teams etc)
Upon opening the gift he told me that he already had plans to go with his friends (I had no idea).
The game is a month away and they haven't even got to the stage of buying tickets. It's just been loosely arranged that they will plan on going.
He's told me sorry but he's already told his friends he will go with them and perhaps I can sell the tickets online instead to someone else.
I feel like a complete idiot as the gift was such an anti climax and I felt embarrassed.
I suggested maybe we could meet his mates at half time for a drink instead but he has refused.
Am I right to feel let down/upset by this?

OP posts:
Admirablenelson · 07/09/2017 18:56

He doesn't deserve any tickets or you.

expatinscotland · 07/09/2017 18:57

Just leave him to it! Flog the tickets. Get him a card and some nice bottles of beer or something.

Aquamarine1029 · 07/09/2017 19:00

I think his reaction might be very revealing as to how he really feels about you. What a prick. You can do a lot better.

Arrietty123 · 07/09/2017 19:01

I would definitely go with a friend but if you don't have anyone to go with just sell them. Spend the cash on yourself and don't buy him anything else. Also, I'd be thinking twice about the relationship, he doesn't sound like a keeper.

Threenme · 07/09/2017 19:03

Completely against the grain but I wouldn't ditch plans id made with friends for my dh of 11 years equally I wouldn't ditch plans with him for them. It has no reflection on him not caring about you he just doesn't want to do that to his friends. It is not a LTB case at all! However op I really feel for you because you did such a lovely thing and it didn't pan out. Is he usually kind and grateful? I'd try and sell them and choose something nice to do together. I am really sympathetic op but I don't think he's wrong sorry!

TrailingWife · 07/09/2017 19:04

Sell the tickets online at a profit and then spend the money on yourself.

But I'm not that big on NFL games. I wouldn't want to go. If you do want to go, then go with a friend, have a blast, and send him selfies.

What is he like otherwise? Is he always a bit of a selfish idiot, or is this out of character? I questions if he really is a "partner" since he didn't mention the game with friends ahead of time, and wasn't willing to meet up with his friends while attending the game with you even though they haven't bothered to actually get any tickets.

My DH and I put things on the calendar in the kitchen and make sure the other one knows well in advance of special things that we doing with other people. It makes it easier in the long run. However, we had to figure this out by making each other angry a few times. Grin

Cricrichan · 07/09/2017 19:12

He's already arranged to go with friends. If he's otherwise nice, then I'd be slightly disappointed but I'd just sell them. Maybe going with friends is a completely different vibe and was looking forward to that. Do something else with him.

Faithless12 · 07/09/2017 19:12

Yeah those games are sold out. The Jaguars game tickets that have gone on sale are team returns.
If your tickets are to the twickenham game and you bought from a resale place sell them on. Otherwise make plans to go.
I mention twickers as I watched a lot of people being turned away as tickets were cancelled due to suspected resale.

Threenme · 07/09/2017 19:14

Imagine I a thread reverse "best friend has been going out with dp a year, we had arranged to go to a game together and we're getting tickets next week. He has bought some so now she has ditched me to go with him. I'm really disappointed. Aibu to think this is a bad thing to do as a friend"?

Chloe421 · 07/09/2017 19:21

Vile. I knew someone like this. I once had a portrait of a photo he liked done as part of his birthday present, spent time working with the artist to get it right, chose a nice frame, was excited to give it to him. Long story short the picture ended up ripped into pieces and the frame smashed. He ended up doing similar to my life. I would take this as a huge red flag op and take a really hard and honest look at your relationship

WellThisIsShit · 07/09/2017 19:30

He's an idiot and no, no excuse for behaving so rudely, even if it's rewritten into a reverse with major facts left out!

Original poster
Filly46 · 07/09/2017 19:34

@Threenme, but he's not going with his one best friend. It's a group of 7 or 8 them. I feel like if roles were reversed and a friend of mine said "Girls I know we mentioned we would go to this game but my partners just surprised me with a ticket for my birthday, seeing as we haven't purchased our tickets yet would you mind at all if I accepted the gift and met you girls for a drink during the match to make up for it?" I wouldn't mind at all!

OP posts:
Original poster
Filly46 · 07/09/2017 19:36

@Chloe421. What?? Why did rip it up??? Thanks disgraceful!!!!

OP posts:
Original poster
Filly46 · 07/09/2017 19:37

Thats* Even!

OP posts:
HipsterAssassin · 07/09/2017 19:46

Even if he thinks OP is being a bit Klingon (I can see that) he has been ungracious and rude, and inconsiderate.

Also if he has been planning to go with his mates, and not told you, he probably does not see you in the same way as you see him.

Ergo is i) not your 'DP' and is) he is rude

And since you are on different pages I would dump him, sell the tickets on and book something lovely and indulgent just for you.

Flowers
HipsterAssassin · 07/09/2017 19:48

oops fat fingers. You get the drift..

TrailingWife · 07/09/2017 20:01

He and his friends aren't very bright if they think they can pick up 8 tickets together at the last minute, and he is especially not bright to turn down tickets that are in hand for tickets that don't exist. A bird in the hand being worth 2 in the bush and all that.

At the very least, he is clueless.

Original poster
Filly46 · 07/09/2017 20:06

@Hipsterassasin can you explain how it looks clingy? Do you mean as in trying to get involved in a part of his life that should usually be reserved for the guys?
This was in no way my intention so I really hope it doesn't come across as clingy!

OP posts:
TheNaze73 · 07/09/2017 20:08

Go with a friend. The NFL games are brilliant even for non fans.
He is one ungrateful sod.

Whocansay · 07/09/2017 20:11

I did this for my DH when we were first going out (football match though). He was really pleased and appreciated the gesture, and we had a lovely time.

What you've got there is a lovely red flag. Heed it well. He's a bit of a cunt, I'm afraid.

Howlongtilldinner · 07/09/2017 20:12

You did it with the best of intentions OP. It's a difficult one. He obviously had tb given you any indication that he was doing this with friends? If not, then it would be that upsetting me more. Do you not communicate much?

Personally I would be very very upset, but I guess I'd have to accept that I did it off my own back, so had taken that risk. However, if he said "oh wow that is so thoughtful filly, I feel so bad because I kinda said I would go to the game with my mates" I would not feel quite so upset, miffed still though.

How did he respond to you? Was he sensitive or flippant?

Chloe421 · 07/09/2017 20:15

Filly56 it was ripped up because he was a very damaged and emotionally abusive individual who did not see the point in my gesture. It wasn't thoughtful it was pathetic if I remember correctly.

Disneybump · 07/09/2017 20:23

I would literally cry if my DH did this. My surprise presents are shit compared to yours and he still pretends to be happy about them!

My DH is a total lad... loves spending time with the guys and works for Mitsubishi as a mechanic so they are a right bunch of blokes. But he knew I was high maintenance when he married me and I can tell you where those tickets would have ended up if that was his reaction to me!

It's fair to say the sports stadium would not have accepted them after and I would not have been able to sell them online.

timeisnotaline · 07/09/2017 20:28

It's not a difficult one at all. Don't get him anything instead, and go to the game with a friend. If you can't stomach that, sell them but ideally you go and have a great time. And he and his friends don't get in Grin

HipsterAssassin · 07/09/2017 20:30

Well I would hesitate to arrange something like that with a bf if I had not the first clue about the sport. I might think 'gah, he'd probably rather go with mates'

However. It doesn't negate his total lack of grace. A reaction any less than touched and appreciative makes this a dump-able offence.

Red flag. Bunting, if you will....