My dad hit me (I'm 48)

[Frogtits]

I don't see my parents often as we live in different parts of the UK.

I've posted on MN under my current name as I want to cut down my consumption of alcohol.

On my last visit to my parents, I accidentally set off the smoke alarm in their house because I burned toast.

It was early in the morning.

My dad came storming downstairs, shouted that I had woken every one up and kind of pushed/thumped with his hand.

I am so upset.

To give background - my parents regularly hit me or threatened to slap / spank me during my childhood.

My mum slapped my face so hard, when I was 14, that my jaw was bruised and I found it hard to eat. The reason she hit me was because I accidentally spilled some rice on the floor.

She often threatened to slap me after that incident.

If I'm honest, I want to distance myself from them...

Can any of you relate to this?

Thanks so much for all the replies -

My parents treat me like a fool child too.

I once asked for a second glass of wine at dinner and my dad refused - he was very angry and I felt belittled and humiliated. I was in my forties!

I will never understand that man.

I once asked for a second glass of wine at dinner and my dad refused - he was very angry and I felt belittled and humiliated. I was in my forties!

mumbles familiar. He's so angry that he hasn't suggested meeting up for 5 years now .... no exaggeration.

at least, I -think- that's the reason, from what someone else told me who was there. He turned icy cold and never actually said directly what the problem is to me.

I'm too old to walk on eggshells around someone who is desperate to get offended

I am so sad, reading all these stories of horrific abuse.

I have no contact with my parents now because they were so emotionally abusive, and because my mother was also sexually abusive.

My life is so much better without them.

I urge everyone who is treated so badly to report the abuse to the police. Don't hit back, just report.

Hi, I was 49 when my dad punched me & split me open (drunk, we called the police & he was convicted of ABH). He had hit my mum when I was 35 but no injuries (police were called, no charges at mum’s instruction) I feel so guilty for not doing more then or in between. We (partner & I) did always “rescue” her but it took me to be hit to call the police again! On the flip side ... 1. She’s a victim too and/ or an enabler of his behaviour!?
Main point is, I’m hardly talking to her and not to him at all! Any advice?

Main point is, I’m hardly talking to her and not to him at all! Any advice?
My advice is keep up the good work

some shocking and disturbing accounts on this thread, my sympathies to all who had abusive parents.
My mother was volatile and slappy, there was an occasion when I pushed back at 15 and she never went for me again but still managed to dominate and intimidate.
NC 17 years now!
If I were you OP I'd go round, wallop the c* and never speak to them again
(but I spose that'd be childish?)

My paternal grandfather was a bully. I did not have much contact with him growing up and was never alone around him. My parents were very loving and never raised a hand to me and my sibling. I had heard that my grandfather physically abused his new partner but had never seen it first hand. In my early twenties, I had this desire to establish closer family ties, as I had moved countries, so whenever I was in his city, I went to visit my grandfather, which was a couple of times a year. I had never asked or received any presents or money, which irked him because it gave him no power over me, unlike with my cousins. He tried to push his opinions and ideas on me but I politely resisted. Then one day, for me out of the blue, after I refused to agree to change my studies and disagreed with him, he suddenly struck me across my face. I was raised by my parents to defend myself and done self-defence classes, so I punched him hard, then gathered my stuff and left. Apparently, I broke his nose. I never saw him again and refused all contact. He died some years later pretty alone, as his partner left him when ill (I did not blame her) and my parents refused contact too. No fucks given. I appreciate that it is much harder with parents and being ground down by perhaps a childhood of violence but I would advocate hitting back and reclaiming the power. And then, break all contact and free yourself from these toxic fuckers.

I would not be going to their home ever again, OP. I would stop putting myself in positions where they feel able to threaten mr. I would not be inviting them into my home. I’d be going very low or no contact with them. And tell them why.

Apparently, I broke his nose
😮
Christ on a bike!
Obviously he deserved it but even so....😳😟
Were you not scared? I would be scared that he would escalate and I'd get badly hurt, after all he'd be in his 40s/50s (?) prob bigger and stronger than you?
Then again I suppose he knew he'd be in line for an ABH charge if he wanted to take it any further...so you prob had him cornered at that point?

*oil0W0lio This was my grandfather! I was in my early 20s, how on earth would he only be in his 40s or 50s with an adult grandchild! My grandfather was in his 70s and not very fit. I think he was so used to intimidating his partners and women in general throughout his life that it never occurred to him that any female would stand up to him or defend herself. At that point, I was extremely fit and done kickboxing for a number of years. I wasn't scared because it triggered a fight or flight response and I was full of adrenaline and pretty angry. I did not intend to injure him but the unprovoked assault outraged me, as I had been brought up to never tolerate anyone, especially a man to lay a hand on me. I stopped myself from further attacking him beyond the initial punch, although I still remember I wanted to kick the crap out of him but knew even in my rage that this would be wrong. I don't remember all that much after, I just grabbed my bag and left straight away. I do not feel sorry for injuring though. He brought that on himself. I would do the same again in these circumstances.

Oops maths fail doh🤦🏼‍♀️
(It was late 🤷🏼‍♀️)

@oil0W0lio

Sorry if I sounded a bit defensive too btw. My reaction was automatic. I would never start any physical fight or escalate a heated argument on purpose. But I sure as hell defend myself and end any physical altercation to my favour! I was a bit blind sighted that he hit me so unprovoked, not that he would have had any justification if I had been a rude brat either. I just calmly refused to agree to some unreasonable remands and he slapped me hard across the face. As someone that had been training boxing with a slam man, I have a really powerful and precise punch.

I'd like to think that I would do the same!
but I don't think I'm as badass as you are🤩😎

OP, I'm very sorry to read about your difficulties and it is absolutely infuriating that your father hit you, no matter your age. Personally I have no advice as I've never been hit myself, however, I'd like to ask something just for my own understanding, as I have two boys and would love to bring them up in such a way that they'd never bully others or be bullied themselves. I really don't mean to detail the thread at all, so if it's a wrong thing to ask here please ignore, I can always start a thread of my own.

So my question is. Lots of posters here seem to suggest to hit a bully back and personally this is my go to reaction as well, like I said I haven't been hit by anyone but if I was, I'd hit back immediately. Now, this is what I'm trying to teach my children- if someone hits/pushes them, you say "stop" firmly and if they hit again, hit back. This seems logical and effective to me, precisely because it undoubtedly STOPS the bully, as seen in the posts of a few people here. But it seems completely opposite of what people teach their children to do- never reply with violence to violence, this isn't effective, it teaches wrong lessons etc etc. Same logic is encouraged in nursery and school settings. Why? Can someone explain? Doesn't it then create a generation of people unable to stand up for themselves?

Again I'm very sorry if this is a wrong place to ask, i just read the OP's post and comments and it really resonated with my thoughts on the subject and I'd love to understand how to bring my children up better in this respect.

*derail the thread