Boyfriend accommodating single female friend.. not sure where I stand!

[catbasilio]

My boyfriend of almost 1 year (we don't live together) texted me that his old friend is in need of help. The next thing I know this is his female friend of 11 years with whom he lodged when he was married and working away, she became homeless, apparently vulnerable and needs to stay with him for several weeks. Needless to say I went into rage. I've told him I am not comfortable, he puts himself into ambiguous situation. He said he understood where I am coming from and I have nothing to worry about but... the friend still moving in! He 'consulted' his friends and mum and apparently they think he is doing the right thing (cannot verify).
Well I consulted my friends and they also think this is ambiguous situation he is putting himself in.
I know she is not his type and I don't think he intends cheating, but I've never met her and I can only guess that she might go for his saviour knight in a shiny armour. I keep imagining them walking about in his house in underwear or him emotionally supporting her...
I sort ot trust him, but I don't trust her. And I don't understand why a grown up woman went to stay with him and not with her family or female friends. He says she's been homeless before and her previous (male) host shagged her and she is staying with my boyfriend because he would never do that (?)?

In addition he's been less available to me than usual. Admittedly I shouted when on the phone with him, couple of times. Nothing he says reassures me. My head says he is not intending to cheat and he did it to help, my heart says he should have consulted me first and shouldn't do it if I am not happy, and should have looked for other solutions. I feel like at the bottom of his priority list.

My question is what to do next? My natural me would like to detach from him and stand back, and almost leave him as simply I cannot handle my emotions. But maybe I am oversensitive? Overreacting? What should I do?

Hello OP. Sorry you're being subjected to such vitriol.

I wouldn't like another woman living with my dp/dh either.

Ok so he's clearly willing to give you a chance to redeem yourself after your absolutely shocking tantrum overreaction.

Please use this as an opportunity to take a look at yourself and where your insecurities come from and how to keep them from consuming you like that again. Your OP was really ugly and, yes as a PP said, full of Abuser 101 vitriol.

She's his dear friend and he loves her, it doesn't mean he doesn't love you or that he'll cheat. Do some work on yourself and count your blessings he hasn't dumped you.

Please use this as an opportunity to take a look at yourself and where your insecurities come from and how to keep them from consuming you like that again. Your OP was really ugly and, yes as a PP said, full of Abuser 101 vitriol

Christ almighty... have a go at someone why don't you

Sit down - its not that deep.

Jesus - what bitchiness!

OP regardless of what people say, I don't know anyone IRL who would be happy with their boyfriend of a year moving in with another woman.

Needless to say I went into rage

Nope. If that's what you did, you'd need to explain that to most rational people. It isn't normal behaviour at all.
You need to look at your insecurities and apologise to your boyfriend.

OP regardless of what people say, I don't know anyone IRL who would be happy with their boyfriend of a year moving in with another woman
I do. I can think of several, tbh.

I'd be more concerned about the character of someone who decided not to help out an old friend, when they were able to, tbh. That would make me look again at someone's character.

MistressDeeCee not sure why you've singled me out but I honestly rarely am that harsh on here but I thought her attitude was appalling. Just my opinion.

I need to meet the lady though for my own peace of mind
Or is that to warn her off??

Seriously your faking calm suggests that you have to question why you feel that you do not trust him. Its not good enough to say you don't trust her, she is not your BF.

Any physical or emotional closeness he allows to happen will be down to a choice he has made and to be totally honest your reaction is probably made it more likely than less as he's bound to be contemplating the long term future.

For me your behaviour would be a massive red flag, imagine if he suggested that he didn't want you working with men because some of them might want to fuck you and while he trusts you he doesn't know them.....