Urgent

[madein1995]

Bit of a backstory. Im 22, live with my parents. Mams got depression and has always had a short fuse. Dad no mh but also temper. Both have hit me in past. Ive put up with it. I think my low self esteem is a result of this.

Tonight my room was a pigsty after some warnings. Mam hit me over and over, slapping my face as dad stood there. They both hate me. Want me out. Mam vmade me give her a friends number - gave her a false one - and shes said if the girl can take me - likr im a cat. Im so angry but mainly upset. Im so down. Ive had enough. Im a good person, why should i listen to this? I could get round mam i think but i cant live my life like this. Ive nowhere to go. Best friend in uni, other friend unwell, i have family but they local and we not spoke in a while do would feel guilty. I could go to a hotel but they cost money and what about long term . If i lrft mam might change her mind or might not. But if i stay til end of thr week thry might chuck me out anyway. Ive begged and pleaded and shes still been horrible but softening. I want to go to police but vant bring myself to - it was a slap and itd ruin her life and thete really would be no going back. Shed lose her job as a carer. I have marks. I dont know whether i should stay, plead and try and put up and hopefully be allowed to stay or make the biggest, most life changing decision of my life. I just want to sob and sob. I feel useless and awful and a waste of spsce and im so scared of making the wrong decision. I know no one can say wgat to do but i need a friendly ear. Im leaning towards trying to stay but i think she is determined, and besides what happens next time?

You're old enough to live on ya own.

Maybe look into that.

Your being abused. Woman's Aid or the police. Do you work ?

Do you work? You need to get out of this situation and find your own accomodation.

Highgarden, that's horribly flippant.

Yes to women's aid for help.

So they told you over and over to sort out your room and you didn't? There's not enough here to make a call but as a mother of adults I can't stand my home being treated as a pigsty. Slapping is wrong but so is treating a home as a dump.

Why can't you move out and act as an adult or act in such a way that your parents might actually welcome you to stay?

Any hotels in your area, see if they have any live in staff vacancies.

I didn't mean it to be flippant.

All I meant is op could avoid this conflict by moving out and getting some independence.

In the short term, sort your room out. I'm sorry. Your parents sound pretty awful.
In the medium term, start actively working towards getting yourself out of that situation.

"I want to go to police but vant bring myself to - it was a slap and itd ruin her life and thete really would be no going back. Shed lose her job as a carer. I have marks".

They've ruined your life to date by abusing you as they have done.
Actions have consequences; I would urge you to report your mother to the police for her violence towards you.

If a person hit you in such a manner in the street you would report them. Your abusive parents are no different and she could well strike you again; they have both hit you previously and nothing has really changed here since years earlier. Do not stay within such a toxic environment any longer

Disordered of thinking people like your parents never apologise nor accept any responsibility for their actions.

Womens Aid can and will help you here; do call them on 0808 2000 247.

I would go to your GP tomorrow and get your bruising and any other marks documented by these people. Abuse like this thrives on secrecy; do not cover up for either of them.

I would also contact Centrepoint as they could help you as well (they work with young people between 16-25).

centrepoint.org.uk/

Gaining independence is very hard if you do not work, money is scarce and you have little to no self esteem. The OP is at risk and could well find herself sofa surfing or even worse homeless with all the risks that entails.

I do work but in a mw job and they expect me out by saturday morning so not much time to sort things out. wrt the police, that would be the final straw and there'd be no getting back from that. Also who's to say they'd believe me, my face is slightly red i have a scram and a mark on my hand. A decent brief could argue I'd got a rash, been scrammed by the dog and hit myself at work. I know most of you are being helpful and I really appreciate it, thank you. I thinkfor the mo I'll lay low and keep out of their way. Try and persuade them to let me stay. I'll have to work towards moving out

Nobody ever has the right to put their hands on you. Not ever.

It sounds a very odd dynamic. You're 22 and your room is a pigsty and you're being told by your mum to clean it...it's all very childlike. Who is your mum a carer for?

What about a hostel? It could be a last resort option?

Your parents are abusive arseholes!! No excuse to do that to you at all. Seems like you have come from an extremely dysfunctional family, you didn't deserve that. You need to be safe. Is there anyway you could go to family? Or friends? Do you work?

No excuse for violence. Depression or not, no excuse.

I can't offer any advice that other poster haven't said.

for you.

There is NEVER an excuse for someone to physically assault you, no matter how untidy you have been! I agree with other posters who have suggested you contact women's aid. They can help you work out how to get out of this awful situation. If you wanted to contact the police, you'd be completely entitled to do so. It's not legal to hit people!
It's really positive that you've got a job and an income, even if it's minimum wage. Keep hold of your job and move out as soon as you can

Hitting you is totally wrong & I'm not condoning that behaviour at all.

However at 22 years old having your room in a pigsty state and having to be repeatedly asked to sort it & ignore your parents isn't acceptable - it's time to take some responsibility too, it sounds like there's a huge backstory here & you should move out asap, if you're working could you find a house share to split bills?

"I do work but in a mw job and they expect me out by saturday morning so not much time to sort things out. wrt the police, that would be the final straw and there'd be no getting back from that. Also who's to say they'd believe me, my face is slightly red i have a scram and a mark on my hand. A decent brief could argue I'd got a rash, been scrammed by the dog and hit myself at work"

Speak to your employers; presumably they have some employee helpline. Are you in a union, they could help you as well?.

Do contact Centrepoint; they will help you here. You are at risk of being made homeless and you are the very type of person they can help.

Please do not talk yourself out of not reporting your abusive mother and her enabler of a husband; these people have abused you your entire life and will simply continue to do so particularly if you remain there.

Your last sentence as well is mere supposition and not based on any actual fact at all. You should report your injuries and from what you describe you have marks consistent with being slapped repeatedly. If she hits you again as is very possible you may well find yourself out of the house before Saturday. Either this scenario or you being kicked out of their home at any time are real possibilities.

I can feel myself minimising the hitting and moving it to the place in my mind i never go. I want to move out eventually but its such a big step, Im considering putting up/trying to be allowed to stay (if i can) and then working towards moving out. I want to go to the police but if i do then thats the last straw - i know our bridges will be well and truely burnt

I'm quite a messy person, as is my DP. We live with my parents currently whilst we have been saving for a house (we'll be in our new house in a week). We have two people's worth of stuff in one room so it looks awful most of the time.

They whinge at us and we do sort it out but never ever has violence or kicking us out been threatened.

Would you actually like to have your own place OP?

Contact the police.

Sorry but if she's a carer and she finds it that easy to hit her own child, goodness knows what she does at work.

I do want to move out, but i think if i did it very quickly it'd be stressful and i dont think i should be rash, i definitely want to move out in the future though

it was a slap and itd ruin her life and thete really would be no going back. Shed lose her job as a carer. I have marks
What you've written is shocking. I too would encourage you to phone the police non-emergency number 101 to report the assault, because if your mother is hitting you, she might be hitting the vulnerable people she is supposed to be caring for at work aswell.
You are in a toxic family and I'm sorry you will need to grieve for the love, kindness and support you are never going to get from them.
At the very least please call Women's Aid 0808 2000 247, available 24/7. They always call back within a time frame you leave in your message if lines are busy.

You have been made homeless, contact shelter and ask for advice.

You will probably be put on a hostel as a non priority, it won't be pretty, but if you work it should give you chance save to go private rent or give you chance to bid on studios/1 bed properties.

You are an adult, so do have to think why your room is a pigsty? Not validating this as a reason for the violence, but in hostels etc they won't let you have a messy room.