Urgent

[madein1995]

Bit of a backstory. Im 22, live with my parents. Mams got depression and has always had a short fuse. Dad no mh but also temper. Both have hit me in past. Ive put up with it. I think my low self esteem is a result of this.

Tonight my room was a pigsty after some warnings. Mam hit me over and over, slapping my face as dad stood there. They both hate me. Want me out. Mam vmade me give her a friends number - gave her a false one - and shes said if the girl can take me - likr im a cat. Im so angry but mainly upset. Im so down. Ive had enough. Im a good person, why should i listen to this? I could get round mam i think but i cant live my life like this. Ive nowhere to go. Best friend in uni, other friend unwell, i have family but they local and we not spoke in a while do would feel guilty. I could go to a hotel but they cost money and what about long term . If i lrft mam might change her mind or might not. But if i stay til end of thr week thry might chuck me out anyway. Ive begged and pleaded and shes still been horrible but softening. I want to go to police but vant bring myself to - it was a slap and itd ruin her life and thete really would be no going back. Shed lose her job as a carer. I have marks. I dont know whether i should stay, plead and try and put up and hopefully be allowed to stay or make the biggest, most life changing decision of my life. I just want to sob and sob. I feel useless and awful and a waste of spsce and im so scared of making the wrong decision. I know no one can say wgat to do but i need a friendly ear. Im leaning towards trying to stay but i think she is determined, and besides what happens next time?

You can't live like this. Say it happens again, you'll wish you had moved out.

Maybe start looking into it. It might not be a rush if done properly. There's shared accommodation (like student lets) some have older people living there so a lot more cleaner and more mature.

My kids are messy buggers but I'd never ever hit them. It's hard for young people today-just saying move out and get your own place isn't as easy as that, especially on a mw job, so I feel for you. Can you look for a room in a shared house maybe or look for someone needing a boarder? In the meantime go to your gp, call WA. Your "d"m will be very aware that a record of violent assault would go on her dbs and put her job at risk.

FemMom

Are you actually serious??? So it's okay to batter someone who is messy? Maybe this woman does so because her life has been ruined by being brought up by 2 dysfunctional arseholes!!

what kind of a carer is your mum? she cant even properly treat you and she slaps you. you are 22, how can she slap you? and I think u should keep your room tidy.
agree you preparing your moving out.

agree with Winebomb, you are being made homeless and abused and can get help. also, you should go to your Gp and have your bruises checked, recorded.

Have a look at spareroom.co.uk to see what single rooms go for in your area and get out and then cut yourself off from your toxic parents.

Speak to your work to see if you can get an advance if needed and then to the council to see if you can get financial assistance and then go on entitledto.co.uk to see if you can get any top up benefits.

You don't deserve what has been happening to you but renting a room is an easy way to transition to being self reliant.

My face worse than i thought - scratches all over one side of face thatll be bugger to cover with make up. If i went to gp say wednesday or thursday and the marks still there (working til then, and have taken photos) theyll be able to keep them on file if they do chuck me out, and a few days after seeing gp wanted to go to police?

it all depends on them - if they dont chuck me out i wont go to police but stay til i find somewhere else, if they do ill have nothing to lose. Mam couldnt hurt patienrs i dont think - they akways work in pairs and shes reasonable til she flips

But what if your mother's work partner keeps quiet like you?

Abuse thrives on secrecy.

People are focusing too much on the state of the room and victim blaming the OP. It doesn't matter how messy her room was, she doesn't deserve to be abused!

you, yourself take the pics of your face with date on and keep as record.

I'm horrified at some of the remarks people have made to the op. Domestic abuse is the same whether it is partners or family members. Never on here would there be any justifiroom for a man hitting a wife but apparently it's ok for a mother to I'd the adult offspring have left their room in a mess. Shocking. OP you need to find a place of safety and fast. Maybe you can think of one friend or relative who You could trust . Or your employer maybe. You also need to take your own photos of your injuries. Also make a written account of exactly what happened. It is not ok to assault someone so as to leave visible marks in any circumstances.

Even if i do stay and dont go to police i could still make an anonymous call/email to cssiw

*justification

You're playing it down. An anonymous report will not enable the employers to put any safeguarding in place if your mum denies it.

i have tlaken photos of the injuries, if they dont change my mind and i have to leave ill be going to the police

But if they do you are going to stay and wait for next time or try and move out?

made you don't have to stay there, please don't start bargaining with yourself about what day you might leave - why on earth would you want more chances to stay put, so they can do this again? This is a page from Depaul Trust's "nightstop" charity, it lists ways you can get help. Basically from what I can see you are already homeless - you either submit to physical abuse or you leave:

www.nightstop.org.uk/get-help

From the way you write it seems you have been conditioned to accept this; you need to leave in the morning, if you are not safe tonight go straight to the police now.

I am aghast. FEMMOM
I sincerely hope you are a troll and don't have kids because to put no finer point on it you are an absolute twat.
OP you have to leave beating up your 22 yo child is insane. How you can contemplate hitting your own child over a messy room is completely beyond me.

Femmom is obviously a troll and won't be back, unless to provoke further outrage.
OP - you are in the midst of an abusive dysfunctional family - I am so sorry. But you simply need to plan your exit - seek out the agencies (Womens aid, shelter etc) that can help to find you somewhere else to live. It will take a little time but it's all going to be OK, and there are people who can help. Good luck x

See if your employers have an employee assistance programme, EAP who can advise you on housing.

A messy room is no justification to be slapped around.

I get frustrated with my DDs messy room and but would never do that.

Go to family in the first instance. Honestly, if I had a neice or cousin in your position and she turned up on my doorstep, distressed and damaged, of course I would take her straight in, no matter how long it was since I'd last seen her.

Women's Aid, police (101, ask for dv unit) - both can advise you without you hvaing to commit to anything. CAB can probably give you some help in sorting what you need.

Don'tbe embarrassed or ashamed. Tell people what your mum does. You need lots of support in real life too. M!N is great, but it's only virtual.

Good luck

I do want to move out, but i think if i did it very quickly it'd be stressful and i dont think i should be rash, i definitely want to move out in the future though

There is nothing 'rash' about removing yourself from an abusive situation.

The harsh reality is that if you don't move out soon you may not have a future

I went through this OP. From my Dad. I called Women's Aid and they arrange for me to move into the local Refuge. Got given a little flat within there and was able to keep my job as it was in the same town. Only £13 a week rent. Everything else provided for except food. They even gave me toothpaste, toothbrush etc. Shower gel. Bedding. The lot. Lovely people in there. Communal room to socialise. Counselling on tap from staff on site. There is one in pretty much every town though their location is kept top secret for obvious reasons. Worth considering.