My partner grabbed and shook me

[QuietAsAMouse1]

We have been bickering all day at each other. And yes I do push his buttons, I'm really not all that innocent. We had a fall out because of a third party and to cut a long story short I felt like he didn't stick up for me.
Anyway we went to sleep in separate beds and I got so mad and started shouting abuse through the wall. He ended up getting up and storming into the bedroom I was in. He came to the bed (it's dark so couldn't see his facial expressions) and went ballistic, I laid there realising I had wound him up so went quiet. He then got angrier and got right in my face and ended up loosing it. He shook me over and over again whilst shouting. He let go got up and punched the wardrobe. I got up and went to the corner of the room and begged him to calm down. He came at me again I honestly thought he was going to hit me.
He then packed his stuff and said he was going to leave. I begged him to stay and he admitted he had lost it and that if he stayed he would do something he would regret.
I feel like this is all my fault I really did press his buttons.

Yes you wound him up BUT he overstepped the mark when he got physical. An argument is one thing but he went too far when he grabbed & shook you.
He'd clearly lost control & thank goodness he managed to stop himself & leave before he really hurt you. There's no excuse for violence.

Children get "wound up"
Adults do not. Let this man-child go.

What a horrendous mess of a relationship. Please say there's no children witnessing this.

Sounds like you would both be much happier without the other one in their life.

End it.
It is not healthy for either of you.

Sounds like you pushed him way too hard.

Most people have a limit and it sounds to me as though you helped him go beyond his. I feel sorry for him being goaded in such a way, even though he lost his temper.

Have the other posters never snapped and lost their temper with anyone?

All too common a response on here. Why can people be vile to others and push them too far and not expect an explosive reaction?

I hope there were no kids around.

You guys need to split. Your relationship sounds awful.

He needs to have some fucking self control.

He was right to leave.
For both your sakes it would be better if he did not come back.
This sounds totally toxic.

Horrible.

He shouldn't have shaken you but he did admit he'd lost it and got himself offside.

You were aggressive shouting through the wall and further trying to wind him up. You wanted a reaction and certainly got one.

It's no way to live, .......

Disgraceful behaviour from both of you.

If there are kids in that house I'm hoping your neighbours call someone to check on them.

You should have let him go.

Both of you are completely out of control. It's time to grow up.

You both sounds horrifically dysfunctional.

He's assaulted you now. This has escalated, you need to end it.

On your part... please examine what occurred here that you ended up in such a melee with someone you presumably love. Shouting abuse through the wall at him? What on Earth were you thinking? Next time end a relationship rather than letting it get to this point.

Stop seeing each other. You're not good for each other.

You need to end this relationship and both seek help for very clearly dysfunctional patterns. ANY physical abuse is very wrong. Also shouting abuse through the wall is worrying.

Is there a child in the house?

From the limited information you gave it sounds like you are emotionally abusive and he snapped , does he push your buttons also? Either way it sounds toxic

You're just as bad to be honest. When you goad and do everything in your power to provoke somebody plus scream abuse at them, they dont have the right to hurt you.

But im afraid i can understand him shaking you and punching a wall. I think many of us have been there.

He took himself off before he could hurt you.

He's not blameless but neither are you.

Break up.

Some people are toxic together, you sound like that to be honest. At least I hope it's your pairing rather than how you both are in another relationship.

Thanks mums net everything you've said I have taken on board. I'm glad no one has turned around and said "he's so awful it's domestic violence etc" it really isn't. I think it is a toxic relationship but I'm so in love with him it's impossible to leave. For all those that have asked yes I have a beautiful daughter aged 16 weeks we never argue or raise voices in front of her and the second I feel it will effect her I will most defiantly end it for her sake x

Um it's definitely domestic abuse. Don't go telling yourself it's not. The only difference is it's BOTH of you abusing each other.

It doesn't matter if you love him. Love is an emotion, it's temporary. You have a child to think of here ffs. Be an adult. This isn't a fairytale it's a fucking nightmare and if you keep your DD in this situation, she will end up in the same kind of wretched relationship that you find yourself in.

And it's already affecting her btw.

So keep your word and end it for her sake.

Where was your 16 week old daughter when you were screaming at each other?

Have you always been this volatile with each other? Has it got worse since the birth of your daughter?

OP I've been in a relationship like this. I still have the wardrobe he punched a panel out of in a rage. Then it was someone's car window... Then it was my head, repeatedly. Do you really want your 16wk old baby around that kind of potential danger? Your DD needs to be protected from this toxic relationship. You and he do not belong together if you provoke these reactions from each other.

Yeah it is domestic abuse and it will only get worse if you minimise this behaviour and don't leave him