My partner grabbed and shook me

[QuietAsAMouse1]

We have been bickering all day at each other. And yes I do push his buttons, I'm really not all that innocent. We had a fall out because of a third party and to cut a long story short I felt like he didn't stick up for me.
Anyway we went to sleep in separate beds and I got so mad and started shouting abuse through the wall. He ended up getting up and storming into the bedroom I was in. He came to the bed (it's dark so couldn't see his facial expressions) and went ballistic, I laid there realising I had wound him up so went quiet. He then got angrier and got right in my face and ended up loosing it. He shook me over and over again whilst shouting. He let go got up and punched the wardrobe. I got up and went to the corner of the room and begged him to calm down. He came at me again I honestly thought he was going to hit me.
He then packed his stuff and said he was going to leave. I begged him to stay and he admitted he had lost it and that if he stayed he would do something he would regret.
I feel like this is all my fault I really did press his buttons.

Fuckyoulinda you describe my previous life perfectly. Absolutely draining, thank god im out of it. OP you and your OH need to separate. A baby cannot and should not be living in this environment. It's abusive. I'm surprised your neighbours haven't reported you to Children's Services. You'd have been reported if you lived next door to me

You're both absolutely pathetic. Why the hell couldn't you control yourselves so you didn't bring an innocent baby into this mess of a "relationship"?!

You're both absolutely pathetic. Why the hell couldn't you control yourselves so you didn't bring an innocent baby into this mess of a "relationship"?!

His behaviour was definitely abusive but yours was also.
No matter how much you love each other, when you're screaming abuse at each other through walls and being shaken and having furniture punched all in the house with a baby you can't be together.

Dolcezza, do you think judgement is helping? Counterproductive response maybe?

I have to agree that judgement and hurling insults are counterproductive.

The OP recognises there is a problem hence she posted here to begin with.

Sandy Do you really think that? I'm not convinced. Most postings tend to have some element of a question. When they rarely ask for advice of some sort, they tend to be of a venting nature. I'm genuinely not sure what the OP wanted to get from her posting.

Thank you for all the feedback that is constructive. I wasn't looking for sympathy or criticism I was looking for advice hence the post

Children get "wound up" Adults do not.

Yeah, they do ...... not that that justifies his actions, though.

You want advice? Ok put your baby first and get anger management. You and your boyfriend are as bad as each other and you need to get out of this fucked up situation for the sake of that innocent little baby before you fuck up her childhood.

Constructive criticism not a chance to vent your anger at me

Wow, if you talk to a group of strangers in that way, after asking for advice, god only knows what 'buttons' you were pushing at home.

Yes he went too far, and you need you leave for everyone's sake. Can I ask, out of concern not being goady, have you felt more anger or easily annoyed since little one arrived? Ir has it always been this way?

My DSis got progressively angrier after the birth of her child, turns out it was hormonal imbalance and mild PND.

Look after yourself and your daughter.

I missed people telling you to go fuck yourself and calling you a bitch. Is that only acceptable if it's you doing it?

Get help. Seriously.

You've had advice. What else do you want people to say?

Your relationship is toxic
Your child deserves to grow up in a home where mum doesn't snarl and verbally abuse her partner through the wall after a row and a dad who doesn't react violently.

There isn't anything else to advise.

I just think this all went too far on both sides here, we're all only human after all although usually I have no time for physical abuse.
I think if you want to keep this relationship going you both need to go to counselling or it will have to end as it's becoming very unhealthy.

You're both as bas as each other. Him grabbing and shaking you doesn't negate your involvement. End of.

I think it is a toxic relationship but I'm so in love with him it's impossible to leave.

It is not impossible at all. Stop pretending that you are helpless. You have choices and at the moment you are choosing to stay in this fuckup of a relationship.

I don't know what you think love looks like but it doesn't look like this.

For all those that have asked yes I have a beautiful daughter aged 16 weeks we never argue or raise voices in front of her and the second I feel it will effect her I will most defiantly end it for her sake x

So you CAN leave?

I'm assuming you don't live in a soundproofed cell.

What would you say to your daughter if she were in a relationship like this?

We only know what you've told us so have to make assumptions based on that.
You write about one incident but the way it's written sounds like it's not unusual.
But it seems that you were both abusive to each other. Domestic abuse isn't just physical. You were abusive and bullying to him, he was physical with you.
Both of you acted very poorly and if this is what your relationship is typically like, then you need to really look at it.
People who "love" each other have more respect for each other than this, even when they get mad or cross the line.
Your baby girl will be picking up on this. Her age doesn't make her immune. Even now she is learning about human interaction and relationships. I'm not saying that to make you feel bad, I'm saying it because it's true and you (and your partner) are responsible for teaching her what a healthy relationship looks like and what a "healthy argumemt" looks like.

@ShatnersWig

This didn't come across as a venting post. The OP was honest in terms of her part in this. I do feel she was seeking advice.

Whoever said adults don't get wound up is wrong actually. That's what we call provocation. The word exists for situations like this.

It's akin to someone getting up close and right within an inch of you.

I'll reiterate my advice of seeking professional help via counselling. It's not good for the baby or anyone else having you in such a wound up state.

Even little babies can pick up on these moods. I know how stressful an infant can be. I don't know if you're sleep deprived, which can add to your tolerance level.... But seek some help. See your GP.