Moments that nearly ended your marriage (lighthearted)

[ivenoideawhatimdoing]

Just that really, we were talking about it in the office this morning and wondering if they were common. Have you ever had an argument that completely exploded, no matter how minor?

Mine had to be a few years ago when we were getting our kitchen redone and having an extension. There had been a back date for three weeks on a supply the builders needed and we had tarpaulin over the back of the house (no wall) in November.

This kitchen we had dreamt of and saved for was becoming more and more of a distant dream. We had no money after paying for said spiralling nightmare and I was cooking all of our meals in the slow cooker in the front room.

Both DH and I were working all the overtime we could to get more money in and the first night off we had together in about two weeks I got home at seven, he had finished a nightshift at 7am.

I walked in the door and was a bit confused because I couldn't smell anything. He's sat in the front room (coat on - due to no back of house) playing on his PlayStation. I looked at him and he looked at me, didn't say a word because according to him: 'I thought someone had died from the look of fear on your face'

I looked at the tv, looked down at his PlayStation (which wasn't normally plugged in) down the extension cord and the fucker had unplugged the slow cooker.

Not a big deal, 'oh you idiot, we'll get a takeaway and have it tomorrow, accidents happen,' No.

A month of stress at work and home, tiredness, frustration and just a really shitty time (we'd also been having trouble trying to conceive) exploded.

We raved, we ranted, arguments over the course of our ten year relationship were brought up and revisited and when it couldn't get any worse. I tripped over the slow cooker and knocked the contents on the floor.

At which point DH began to find it the funniest moment of his life and at which moment I began to weep and I cried for five hours about the bastarding slow cooker.

We laugh about it now but never again has he unplugged the slow cooker.

When we were shopping for a new sofa not long after moving in together and he called me by his ex wife's name. Quite a stabby moment really. If the sales guy hadn't been stood between us, a swift throat punch would've been thrown.

Anything to do with Maths. He´s a Maths teacher (and very good at his job), but he seems to use up his pedagogical quota in the classroom, as when I ask him for help, he babbles something at me that I don´t understand and then gets annoyed when I ask him for clarification. I decided last Thursday that for the sake of our relationship, we will not discuss Maths ever again. That was 24 hours after the last incident when I was so irritated I did consider never speaking to him again (we don´t live together).

Orange bird

Pregnant with DS I fancied a strawberry tart for after tea. DH packed the shopping, put it in the bottom of the bag then dropped a big bag of potatoes on top of it, totally mangling it. His cake (that I didn't like) was put on top of everything to 'keep it safe'.

Park Lane IS purple, as is Mayfair, the 'blues' are after the browns on the board.

I once asked DH to pack a suitcase for DS1 who was going on a trip the following day. I'd had to go out and run errands/collect children and attend meetings til gone 10pm. Came home, put the DCs in bed and asked DH how the packing went. He proudly showed me into the spare room, presented a mile-high pile of clothing and announced "I sorted through everything in his wardrobe and these are the things that won't fit him any more". I explained that I'd asked him to pack a bag of things which did fit, he said he decided that his job was much more important and I could pack a little bag at 6am the following day before getting DS1 to school for 6.30am.

How he wasn't stabbed in the throat that night is beyond me. It's as though he thought to himself "what can I do that will piss her off so spectacularly she'll never ask me to do shit round the house again?" and came up with that. Wanker. I still want to kick him when I think about it.

We weren't married at the time but when we'd graduated from uni and were working in different countries for a few years we used to play age of empires multiplayer on the PC as you could play and chat at the same time. He promised not to kill or convert my little people in my beautifully designed and intricate city.

Then he got bored and sent in his priests and army. I was incandescently furious and told him he'd broken his promise and I could never trust him again.

I still bring it up occasionally to watch his look of guilt

I was nine months pregnant and really, really craving a fish finger sandwhich. Honestly nothing else would do. Went to the freezer and my bastard partner had eaten the last one. His response to my full blown screaming, crying fit was that he thought it was ok because I dont usually eat fish. I nearly left him that night. We laugh about it now but yeah it was a close hit 😂

Picking curtain fabric. Dh and I lose it spectacularly every time. In fact we now have tatty curtains in most rooms because we can't face picking new. We don't really fall out other than that.

Accidentally sold the house????

How on earth do you accidentally sell your house???

When we were living in London I bought two huge antique wardrobes off eBay from two separate sellers. I told him they were near each other so he duly hired a van to collect them. Except they were each about 50 miles outside of London, one west one east. We drove two hundred miles and then when we were lugging them upstairs with me holding the rope around around it at the top and my DH bracing it at the bottom I said that I didn't think I could hold the weight anymore. He reminded me that letting go would mean the wardrobe crushing him. We argued a lot. I was very firmly in the wrong. He now vets the distance on eBay if he's to be involved in collecting.

When my husband farted in a restaurant and shit his pants.
He had ate a very spicy curry the night before.
He walked out of that restaurant like John Wayne

Getting ready to take the dogs for a walk. In the porch he was trying to shut the inner door. My thumb was in the jamb. He kept slamming, pain was so great I couldn't get breath to scream. When I finally got my finger out I refused to let him see. He refused to go on walk until he had. He locked me in the porch, wouldn't open it until I showed him. I shoved finger in trouser pocket and refused to take it out. Stand off for half hour, dogs very pissed off!

Two things:

Playing Risk (the old board game). He ruthlessly beat me and then was really proud of himself. In spite of being newly weds with an infant, I threatened divorce. We've never played Risk since. Said infant is now out of university.

Moving to Canada, the French speaking part. We've moved several times for his job and I mostly make the best of it. I'm still not sure if it was the snow or the people that caused the problem. (The only friends I made were either British or from Manitoba.) It nearly ended our marriage. He finally asked for demotion so we could move to Arizona. Lots of sun, nice people.

We have 2 toilets in our house, I was using the upstairs one when DH arrived home one day. He calls hello, I call back and inform him I'm in the bathroom and will be down soon. He starts walking up the stairs (having walked straight past the unoccupied, fully functioning, downstairs loo) asking 'will you be long, I need the loo?'. I was somewhat puzzled (has he ^forgotten^ we have two toilets???) and said I'd be a few minutes and maybe he'd better use the other loo, to which he replied 'no it's ok I'll wait' and proceeded to hop about on the landing, sighing a lot and generally making it clear I was holding him up.

I felt pressured and rushed and my irritation just kept building until I made it out of the bathroom fully intending venting my annoyance on DH. Except he rushed past me like a desperate man and shut the door behind him. So why, WHY wait til that point rather than use the perfectly clean and serviceable downstairs loo, the same one he has no problems occupying (for anything up to 45 minutes) any other time????

By the time he came down I was beyond annoyed and honestly couldn't trust myself to ask him what the fucking fuck his problem was because I may well have lost it completely. It still raises my blood pressure to think about it and I still can't 100% promise I won't LTB over it at some point, I just can't figure out why he would do that

Washing up.
He's too bloody slow. Apparently I don't do it properly.
Then there was the day I asked him to not start washing up for a few minutes so I could clear the drainer of the clean and DRY crockery from the previous meal.
His response was to utterly ignore me, pick up a plate out of the bowl and dump it on the drainer, slopping suds all over the dry stuff.
I threw the tea towel on the floor and told him he could do the drying up himself.

We got a dishwasher.

When it inevitably broke down, he was somewhat slow making a decision over a new one. I was, at that time, working very long hours on my home business and I refused to do any washing up until he either made a decision or agreed to me going and getting one by myself.
He gave in when my mum came over and did all the washing up. We've not been without one since and I'm sure if we hadn't we'd be divorced, or he'd be under the patio having been stabbed with one of his 'precious' Sabatier knives and strangled with a manky tea towel.

We both worked full time and took in turns washing yo my husband couldn't be both to clean up after I cooked a roast one day so instead of washing up them went and bought a dishwasher that needed plumbing in a d he ripped the Lino putting it in.
Now he never bloody empties it 🤔

Just last week, I offered DH white wine, and he said, 'I don't want white wine. I want fuckin rosé!' Total game changer

When we were camping one time and I was already asleep and my husband decided to try a new technique for getting into his sleeping bag. This involved stepping into it and zipping it up before "flopping" down onto our double inflatable mattress. Only when he did so the force was so great it actually bounced me off the mattress and onto the hard ground.
My screams and expletives woke our two children and those in the next tent.

Oh man, too many to mention. My DH is the world's greatest living comedian, and I want to divorce him the most when he's pulled my trousers down whilst my hands are occupied (carrying shopping, washing up) for the tenth time, or when he's made me lose control of my bladder laughing. He's funny but he's a bloody nightmare.

We do, however, get quite heated about the way he leaves his knife and fork when he's finished a meal. Wide apart. In a V or a X shape. He insists that what he was taught, but I know no one who does that. No one I tell you. I try many ways to prove that he is incorrect but that makes him more determined to wind me up by doing it.

In the days before we were married, my husband managed to change his phone number and not tell me.
He did however remember to include all my flatmates in his new number text.
I still married him

I asked my husband to vacuum when me and the children were on holiday. I came home to find a dent in the living room wall. He thinks it happened when he lifted the sofa aNd rested it against the wall. Then he tried tomhide the dent by painting over it??? With the wrong cllour paint. This happened last week so I still havent ruled out divorce.

Canoeing.
Birth of first child.
Gaming.
Gatwick north/south conundrum. Nearly missed each other.

I could go on but CBA

Trailingwife :

I moved to Québec to be with DH. You're obviously more persuasive than I am! Arizona