How much does your OH help at home?

[Halfsack]

Just that really. His excuse of doing no housework is that he goes to work full time. Whilst I appreciate this it just gets a bit monontonus when I'm left doing all the childcare, cooking, cleaning. As well as working part time. So just wondering really what your full time working partners do?

I am the OH as DH is SAHD. I do not "help at home". we mutually work together to fulfil the tasks that need doing.

DH does more than me because he's at home more. But... looking after the kids is a lot of work in itself. So I do most of the cooking and shopping (outside of him feeding kids if there aren't leftovers etc). He generally tidies up the house as he goes, but the daily monotony of the kitchen clean is shared. One of us usually does it while the other one is putting kids to bed. or one of us does it later. He does more washing than me, but I do some, especially on weekends.

We have a cleaner so neither of us do the big things like cleaning bathrooms or excessive vacuuming. Which helps.

He does the garden and bins and stuff though. But I think he'd do that even if he was the working parent.

Thanks. Interesting to know. My Oh does very little. I even have to ask for him to take the bibs out. I've just asked him to make our DD a bottle and even that felt like I was asking for the world.

Blimey Halfsack. that's ridiculous. Feeding your child isn't a household chore. It's a basic necessity of life. He needs to grow up and step up. Certainly, when DC were small, feeding them, changing them and generally keeping on top of things was shared.

Ditto, I didn't do all the night feeds when I was on maternity leave. And Dh doesn't do all the night time stuff now. Actually, that's not true. He does. But that's because we have an issue with DD. But the flip side is that I usually get up before him and he gets a bit more of a lie in every day instead.

Next to 0....

He always has a lie in too. Never gets up with the kids first. Complains if he hasn't got any ironed clothes available. If I ever bring it up though all I get is the "I go to work everyday" he's even been mad at me before because he felt like id not done anything all day. (Housework wise)

Considering he's out 7am-7pm Monday to Friday, DH does a reasonable amount, he does all the "admin" tasks that come with running a house, including regularly swapping suppliers and calling to renegotiate packages, he does the bins, fixes and mends stuff when needed, he usually takes over our DS's bedtimes when he comes in and at the weekends he spends a lot of time playing with them. I do childcare, shopping, cooking, cleaning and gardening.

My dh does too much!! I literally never cook cos he loves cooking and he's great at it
He also does all food shopping/planning etc
I do most laundry. We mostly split cleaning and pet care.
Our kids are older so they mostly need lifts etc
I was with a lazy partner years ago and it annoyed me so much

I would start going to work every day too - then ask him who is going to feed the baby and take the bins out because you aren't as you 'go to work everyday'

I'd love him to cook! Even if it was just one evening meal. :(

Sounds like he doesn't value what you are doing during the day

Has he ever spent time alone looking after his children?

Coming at this from a different angle: who does he think does all of that when both partners work FT with kids?

You are not a team and his attitude is one of disrespect.

What does he do at home, what is the point of him?. Does he come home after his full time employment and expect you to have a spotless house, his dinner on the table and the children scrubbed?. Your man is a lazy sod and likely had his own mother run around cleaning up after him as well as his own father in childhood. If this is the case you have simply taken up where she left off. His attitude is therefore deeply ingrained. You have a big problem in the shape of him on your hands as well.

Men are not helping with housework, they are sharing responsibilities. That's another excellent way of diminishing that paralysing self-hatred which has stopped men from pitching in. Sharing is caring, the earlier the better.

I would read this article:-
www.huffingtonpost.com/matthew-fray/she-divorced-me-i-left-dishes-by-the-sink_b_9055288.html

My DH does not "help" it's his house too and his kids too so he takes an equal share in looking after the house and kids. I hate these blokes who think they are helping out by parenting their own kids and keeping their own house nice.

I have to ask Halfsack why you are together at all now?

Whatever I've been to busy taking care of the DCs to do! No arguing, or whinging... See, his reasoning is that he worked FT before the DCs came along and their both our responsibility - so their environment is a shared concern! Plus he's had solo responsibility for a day once when I had to go travel away for an important appointment - so he appreciates just how challenging it can be!

Oh dear Halfsack. that sounds worse and worse. I'm not sure what men who work full time think their partners are doing. Looking after the children and the house IS hard work and I'm not sure why you have to do do it 24/7. You have a real problem here.
Is there anyway to go back to work?
Or if he's so lazy, get someone to do his share for a fee (that he pays)?

Your dh is very wrong. What happens the days you work? I suggest if you work 5 hours pick 30% of the housework , do it, and message him to say you've done x y z your share can he explain how anything else gets done. Make sure the stuff you've done includes nothing for him. But really he's a dick- in 9 years I've not ironed a shirt for my husband.

Er...my partner is a 52-year old adult who lives in this house with me and with our two daughters.

So, er, he doesn't 'help'. He cooks and does washing and other domestic stuff just like I do. On account of being a functional adult and all.

I wouldn't dream of 'giving him a list' except when he's going to the shops and there's stuff I think we need.

In that article Attila linked to, this sentence jumps out at me:
"I remember my wife often saying how exhausting it was for her to have to tell me what to do all the time. It’s why the sexiest thing a man can say to his partner is “I got this,” and then take care of whatever needs taken care of".

Dances - I imagine you can relate!?

I don't think in the 10 yes we've been together he's put a wash on. If the washing basket started to overflow he would just bring the basket down and suggest I got on top of it.

Sorry - my prior post I wrote in haste

Your OH doesn't seem to value the huge amount you do

He sounds like a prat.
I'm currently on mat leave but DP does 90% of the cooking as he is better at it than me and he enjoys it, if I cook or make lunch he will clean the kitchen up. He will do washing if he notices the basket is getting full. He is an equal parent to DS in the evening and on his days off. He always offers me a lie in when he is on a day off and he will do the early morning baby duties.

Gosh. It really seems like it's just me then. Why did I get the one that wants to do naff all to help around the house. :( There's no point in me even mentioning it to him cos he'll just pull the "I go to work full time" card and then just sulk.