How much does your OH help at home?

[Halfsack]

Just that really. His excuse of doing no housework is that he goes to work full time. Whilst I appreciate this it just gets a bit monontonus when I'm left doing all the childcare, cooking, cleaning. As well as working part time. So just wondering really what your full time working partners do?

My Dp works full time and even when I was a sahm he pulled his weight. If he's here all house hold jobs and child care pretty much gets split 50/50. One of us will bath Dd and put her to bed and the other one will clean up, wash up etc. He's been the same since day 1. He's done more night wakes than me because he's a lighter sleeper. I work evenings and weekends now and he is more than capable of looking after Dd and doing housework.

You need to have a think about what you're getting out of this relationship.

If he starts with the well I go to work. Then tell him so do plenty of other men and they manage to pull their weight.

Together 9 years and now we play to our strengths.

We split things as evenly as possible as we both live here. Parenting is also split evenly too.

It wasn't always this way though. When I ended up working more hours, he had to step up. It was either that or live in a shit hole!

Since he's been self employed we share childcare inbetween work, and he realised how bloody hard looking after babies/toddlers is.

He thinks men who don't do their share of housework and parenting are dicks. I never have to ask him to do anything. He has eyes, he can see what needs doing.

So, I'd be in favour of a strike

Eh? Why would you put up with this? My DH is a co-habiting adult and father to our 3 children. He doesn't "help" me he does what normal adults do.

I.e. He gets up early with the children, cooks, cleans etc.

Ask your DH this. If he was single but worked full time who would cook his meals and iron his shirts and wash his pants? HE WOULD.

So that's the bare minimum a functioning adult should do. When you're at work (and yes childcare is work) you're busy with the children. Does he acknowledge that childcare is a full time job? I.e. Does he think a nanny or childminder is a "real" job?

Any additional childcare/cooking/housework outside of your 9-5s (him in an office you with the children) should be split evenly and equally.

He is good with doing any DIY around the house but that's not every day.

Is he 14?
Assuming he's an otherwise healthy adult man, he's perfectly capable of jointly managing the day to day tasks of adult life. 'Helping' with housework is something children under ten do, surely?

A relationship that's equal doesn't have to mean both partners doing an exact 50/50 split of all chores, but it does need to be fair and balanced. My DH works out of the home full time and I'm a SAHM. As a result I do more of the household tasks and manage the budget - that's my role in the family at the moment - but he deals with the car, garden and utilities. He also does tea and bath with DS every night while I get a break and we parent equally when we are both at home.
You partner sounds like he thinks having a penis prevents him for taking a fair share of the care of his own home and children. Who strops at being asked to make their own baby a bottle for heavens sake?

I do pretty much everything and yet still have more free time than him.

I judge not by what he does, but by how much down time we both get as that's the fairest way to assess it.

I think you need to force the issue, op. I'm currently ill and pregnant - dh came home from work to a shit hole of a house and my words were 'can you feed ds, I'm going to bed." He won't complain and will just crack on

My DH and I split things relatively equally I think. I do all the washing (there are only ever a few shirts to iron so no big deal), I plan the kids meals and keep the place tidy (I'm currently on maternity leave with #2). I do a lot of our "admin" but he does sort out almost everything with the car (insurance, MOT etc). We take turns to cook each night and before we had our second child we also took turns to do bedtime - with both it meant one of us would have an evening off every other night and it really worked well. Now we have two kids we both do bedtimes but still take turns cooking (or heating up some soup and pouring it into bowls!). As I'm currently at home I do the childcare during the day but on the days our eldest goes to nursery DH shares drop off/pick ups (as his works allows). At weekends he gets to do an exercise class and in return I do one in the evenings once a week.

Maybe ask your DH to share bedtime or cooking like we do as it really makes such a difference. I don't buy any of this he works "full time" ... what does he think being a parent is - a part time job?! If you can, go away for a day (and night) and see how he finds it - it might open his eyes. I'd also argue that you should take it in turns for a sleep in at weekends and he could also be on duty to help in the night at weekends. But maybe you need to take babysteps with him and introduce these things one by one

Good luck x

Dh is a chef so doesn't do much cooking at home but when he does it's heaven. I do all the cleaning. Not because i have to. I like to. Then I know it's done properly. He does do the dishes, wiped the sides and occasionally Hoover so I can't complain but I don't think he has ever touched our loo brush

My husband is absolutely incredible, he does all of the ironing (family of 6), he does most of the cleaning, puts bins out, cuts the grass, washes the cars.
As we speak he is cooking dinner to allow me to do the online food shop uninterrupted.
I tend to deal with the DIY, anything technical. washing, I do all of the cooking, pay bills, plan days out & general organization.
We equally share the child care & dog walks & decorating.
He wakes up before me every day & wakes me with a coffee & a kiss every morning. I do know & appreciate just how amazing he is & I tell him how much I love him every single day.
I am indeed a very very lucky girl.

Why did I get the one that wants to do naff all to help around the house.
Trust me there's lots of them around, I was just very strict when they 'auditioned'...

He doesn't "help" because it's his home too, and he creates just as much mess as I do! I work one day less than him, but my commute is longer so I'm out of the house for two hours a day more than he is when I am at work.

I do most of the cooking as he's the kind that burns soup, but he washes up every night. I feed the cats and do all the cat-related tasks, and he does the majority of the DIY (a lot at the moment as we bought a fixer-upper), and everything else gets split equally.

He earns slightly more than me but it all evens out over the week. As I have an extra day off I do more laundry and things but overall it's 50/50 if you look at it over the course of a week.

DH works full time - he helps out a lot over the weekend, cooks breakfast and brunch and cleans the bathrooms. If I ask him to do any extras - sorting out a room or hoovering etc, he'll do it over the weekend.
Weekdays I cook and he will clean up the kitchen afterwards
I generally change the beds but he will do his share of washing and all the ironing [I don't iron ].
So I would say we are equal in our share - I work three - four days a week from home to put into context, no DC yet.

We share jobs really, even though I'm home more than dh, and I don't tend to have to tell him what needs doing. I admit I do moan when I'm the only one tidying up and dh, ds and dd are all chilling out/enjoying themselves but that's usually my pmt talking.

In your situation I think I'd just stop doing stuff for him and point out that you're a stay at home mum to the children, not to him and that that doesn't mean you're the family maid. Long term, I'd look at getting a job, whether it be part- or full-time, and forcing some kind of balance that way. Failing that, I'd be planning ways of leaving because I couldn't live in that situation being treated with so little respect.

I think it depends on what you're happy with. I have friends who are ok with doing the housework and lion's share of the dc care, and it's not for me to say they are wrong / is their lives.

For me, I don't refer to dh 'helping'. I expect him to contribute to the daily running of the house and be as involved as I am with the dc. So for us, where I'm the parent mostly at home, it means when dh is home is 50/50. Taken at a total level it's nothing like 50/50 but he can't do house work or mind the dcs when he's at work so I'm ok with that.

When he complains about there being no ironed shirts I'd be pointing out where the iron lives and telling him to use it.

I think I'm just fed up of cleaning n it constantly being a mess. Maybe I should work ft n hire a cleaner instead

Halfsack working FT and hiring a cleaner might solve the problem of you being an unpaid cleaner... But would it actually solve the REAL problems - that you feel taken for granted despite having spoken to your OH - who refuses to acknowledge your feelings and do something to meet you halfway?
But good luck with your situation :)

Getting a cleaner won't give you a lie in, or make the baby's bottles though.

Nor will it stop him having a go at you about things you should have done

Going full time won't help. It might help you afford to divorce though.

Fucked if I'd spend my life with a man who thought I was staff.

Dh and I both work full time so everything is split 50/50.

So he cooks every night, does all the grocery shopping, half drop offs pick ups, I do all the ironing/washing and so on.

We have a cleaner but still have to do lots of cleaning and tidying which is also split equally.

My DP doesn't live with me (DSC and homes and neither of our homes big enough, we do however, have a child together. I have 3 DC and he 1DC) we do have sleepovers though. He cooks most nights, I do the laundry (except at the minute as my washer is broken, so he takes our laundry to his for me!😁)
We do our own homes chores, but he will take out my bins, cook, clean, run errands for me and my DCs...all round, a good egg.

If he can do that for people he doesn't live with, and that aren't his kids, your DH should be able to do something to help you out IMO

My OH does as much if not more than me. We support each other. If one is working the other one cooks and cleans. Don't even have to ask, I know I'm lucky 🍀

You are a mug

And setting a poor example to your kids

As with any of these threads, what hits me as much as the the dies what and how much free time you both get, is that it's as much about the attitude shown to you and his respect for you. That's where I particularly struggle to see how people can continue in a relationship where you're not equally valued and respected