My children hate my girlfriend - what should I do?

[GNGR]

Help please. I don't know what to do.

My 3 children do not like my girlfriend. We have had a disastrous holiday together (they only spoke to say hello and complained to me about each other).

Brief facts

My Children are aged 14 (daughter) 12 and 10 (sons)

My Girlfriend is not English and is not "motherly". She thinks that children should do as they are told and should be seen but not heard. Her views on many topics are 'traditional' (racist/ homophobic) but not uncommon in Eastern Europe where she and I live (I live there because of work and met her there).

My daughter is very proud to be a campaigning equal rights feminist, she is certain in a way that only 14 year olds can be and she has strong views on almost everything (I should add that I share most of her views too)

My Children live with their mother during the week and with me at the weekend (I fly home each week). I have been divorced for 3 years.

Question is: should I continue dating someone that my children really don't like and who holds views that I cannot support?

Thank you

Message is clear

I have no idea how to disentangle myself from the relationship but I know I have to

She has many very good qualities (yes, eye wateringly good riding wild horses) but these are not enough and are not seen/ valued by my children

Thank you all

Next question will be how?

They are children, she is an adult - why is she not speaking to them, making an effort to understand their views? Why is she complaining to you?

If you stand by your kids, and support them, will she leave you?

Wow. Man goes to Eastern Europe, starts dating attractive local woman for shallow reasons, is startled because his children don't think her sexuality or appearance make her a tolerable person.

Would you spend time with this woman if she wasn't beautiful? Have a think on that. Because in 20 years, odds are, she won't be (Eastern European women who are stunning in their youth very often turn rather plain by 45).

How much older is she than your kids? 10 years at most?

This isn"t working for me. Good bye and good luck. Divide your belongings fairly. The End.

.

X- post. Sorry.

You clearly make your kids a priority in your life - travelling to see them regularly. Tell your gf that they (and their emotional security) are the most important thing. And that sadly if she can't support them too then it can't work for you two.

Then look for someone who can support you, who will adapt and accept your kids (even if they don't share the same views), and who looks good on a horse.

On second thoughts, if they are kind and loving to you and your kids, who cares about the horse!

What a bizarre thread

OP are you actually asking how to break up with a woman?

You've been divorced, surely you know how to end things?

She sounds vile btw

I have never seen 'eye wateringly good riding wild horses' as a must-have relationship criteria before. Does she live in a tampon advert?!

You really need to ask?

I think your children are a great reason to give for ending the relationship.

Simple. "I'm sorry but my children and you don't get on, and I realise that you won't ever get on. My children take priority over any relationship, therefore we need to split up"

You're welcome.

Don't let your children feel to blame for the end of your relationship!
If you don't agree with her views, then make it clear to the DC that that is the reason, don't risk them feeling guilty or victorious!

You're dating a racist, homophobic child who is spoiled enough to not want to speak to your children. What could you possibly find attractive about that?

I always think that children are works in progress rather than finished articles. So they can be forgiven for making poor choices/ill-informed comments at times because there's still learning and growing to be done.

Your girlfriend is the finished article. She's done her learning and growing and she's still a racist, ignorant asshat. That's not going to change.

tumblebee

OP look you need to put your kids first and pp was right about her in a few years time. She won't be the looker she is now.

I'm a single parent and finished with someone before because whilst he was lovely in lots of ways I didn't like the fact he was a bit of an old fashioned misogynist.

"There's a reason why you don't see many female pilots or engineers"

I'm in a male dominated industry and I don't want my dd being brought up around that seeing as I'm a feminist.

So you need to stick to your principles and what you want your kids to see as an example.

The girlfriend might have a nice "set" and be great in the hay but I bet you'll find someone better that can make your family time harmonious.

Tumblebee 😂😂

Have you never ended a relationship before?

In your case it's simple. "this relationship isn't working for me anymore. Good luck in the future and take care"

If she asks why... "you and the children don't get along and they have to be my priority"

Well, I might be a voice of dissent here. I think a holiday was a really tall order there. I've a teenager and an 11 yo and anybody I've dated has fall victim to their gimlet eye. I few never got the once over but one guy who they only saw when I spoke to him on skype is nicknamed ''that hobo'' by my eldest (he has a beard). Another one wore a pair of faded maroon trousers all the time and he was known by my dd as Pink Pants. (We're not American).

I would take a huge step back from trying to integrate your family with your relationship and focus on the relationship itself for a bit. Is it meeting your needs? I'd actually take your children out of the equation when you make the decision.

Nope. Plenty of good looking women in Eastern Europe, a lot of them are actually nice too. Find someone else.

Bloody hell, I thought this was going to be a tricky one - you have a right to a private life, blah blah blah...

She's a racist homophobe.

Makes it simple, no?

Tumble bee :)

Just tell her it's not working for you and that it surely? Unless she can influence your workplace - do you have wild horses etc? Then I suppose she might try and get you sacked/ discredited. If so, ignore and say you changed your mind which is allowed and people do all the time because that's why people date and split up - find out about each other etc.

Your DC sound very sensible and lovely. I hope you didn't let her boss them about and spoil their holiday. They won't want to go if she is there, understandably.

Noooooo!

How about "you are racist and homophobic and don't like my children so it's not going to work out"

These are deep cultural differences that no matter what you do will never change, whether it's in a year from now or 20 years from now.

Somethibg like what soup said.

This isnt working for me. Me and my children have a drastically different worldview from you. We need to end things.

Out of interest, what do you and this woman have in common?