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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

Do your parents like your spouse?

60 replies

Snafu1988 · 21/08/2017 14:51

I think mine do not. They have always something negative to say... and i like both my parents and my hubby.

OP posts:

LoyaltyAndLobster · 21/08/2017 14:53

Yes.

Handsfull13 · 21/08/2017 15:01

Mine weren't keen at the start as we have an bigish age gap but after he was so amazing with my MH problems and then us having kids together they really care about him and my DSS.
Does it worry you that they might not like him?

MyheartbelongstoG · 21/08/2017 15:07

My dad hated my first husband and begged me not to marry him. He's never met my boyfriend as he passed away.

My mum likes my boyfriend.

Original poster

Snafu1988 · 21/08/2017 15:10

It worries me a bit. It is not that they hate him. They do not. They just think that a) he is not a "real man" (because he has issues with anxiety) and b) he is a bit stupid (actually he is not, he is very smart when it comes to computers and technical stuff and also has a lot of knowledge about everything... but he is clumsy with words) and so basically my dad said I must take actions so that my sons do end up different from him.

Apart from that they do like him.

OP posts:

Original poster

Snafu1988 · 21/08/2017 15:12

@MyheartbelongstoG: so was your Dad right about your first husband then?

OP posts:

PinkHeart5911 · 21/08/2017 15:13

Yes. My parents say I made a good choice with dh, his one of the good guys!

sonlypuppyfat · 21/08/2017 15:13

Viserion · 21/08/2017 15:18

No. He isn't posh enough for them and his parents are divorced.

Never mind that he has always done more to help them than either of their sons. He is immensely practical, the number of times that he has fixed something in minutes after they have been scratching their heads for hours. And that their weird snobbery and odd rules have monumentally fucked up my mental health.

greendale17 · 21/08/2017 15:18

Yes

DramaAlpaca · 21/08/2017 15:20

Yes

Original poster

Snafu1988 · 21/08/2017 15:20

@Viserion: What kind of odd rules do they have?

OP posts:

Dina1234 · 21/08/2017 15:21

My father likes my husband but my in laws do not like me at all. The feeling is mutual of course.

n0ne · 21/08/2017 15:22

They love him! They really disliked my first husband (I only found out after we split up) but they adore DH. He's definitely 'one of us' unlike DSis's DH who we all hate despite him being in the family twice as long as my DH

OnlyTheDepthVaries · 21/08/2017 15:27

My parents prefer my DH to me! They cancelled a recent arrangement to visit us as DH was busy. Hey ho!

Original poster

Snafu1988 · 21/08/2017 15:28

I think my husbands parents do not like me too because while my father is of their "ethnic group" my mother is not... and i think they see this as inferior...
My father is law is a bit difficult. He likes to boss people around.
I try to give them no reason to complain. I know hubby likes them. So I try to act very meek when around them which is difficult for me because I am not a meek person.

OP posts:

Moanyoldcow · 21/08/2017 15:32

No parents by my family like him and his parents like me. His mum and I often do things together and have been away together.

slushmucky · 21/08/2017 15:34

No my parents do not like my dp. But he doesn't like them either. At the start my parents tried to get me to break up with him. I refused of course. What business is it of theirs who I'm with? 3 children later and they don't like him still and my dp doesn't like them. Only now it's different because both parties have learnt to keep their mouths shut. My mum and dad have come to accept that he is who I'm with and that he is the person I have chosen who I want to spend my life with.
Thank god is all I can say! I hated the arguments and now I don't have to try and explain to my parents that it's my life and they have no right to make descions for me for the thousandth time.
Also I don't want something like that to have an impact on my children, espicallt now that 2 of them are old enough to understand a grasp on to the tension.

misscph1973 · 21/08/2017 15:35

My dad was really great and totally accepted my DH when we met (22 ears ago) and even though we have had problems that were mainly down to my DH, my dad has always been really respectful of my choice. In the last few years we have had bigger problems, and I have talked to my dad about it for support. He is still very respectful but has admitted to not liking certain aspects of my DH's personality that have become more pronounced.

My mum never liked my DH and we were not on speaking terms for 5 years after I married DH (17 years ago). I had a very difficult relationship with my mum as a teen and young adult, so that was also part of it. I have had a reasonable relationship with my mum for about 13 years now, but a few years ago she complained about my DH again and we had NC for some months. I have contact with her again because of the DC, I don't want to deprive them of their grandmother, but also I am older now, and I only have one mum, so I am more willing to put things behind me.

I think what I have learned and what I hope to remember when my children marry, is that it's important to respect your children's decisions also when the are grownups, if you want a good relationship to them, and welcome their partners, find something to like about them.

Having said that, I am heading for divorce. I am never going to discuss it with my mum, as it's still painful that she wouldn't welcome my DH in the family. I don't think I made a particularly good choice with DH, but I loved him, and if I had not married him, I would have been unhappy for years, maybe the rest of my life, as I was so in love. It probably doesn't make a lot of sense, but I followed my heart, not my mind, and that's who I was.

ReinettePompadour · 21/08/2017 15:36

No, hes not rich enough/clever enough/helpful enough blah blah blah

The only partner they ever liked was an obnoxious twat stuck up his own arse. DM loved him because he had lots of money (inherited), drove a fast car, lived in a huge house (inherited) and bought my Mother flowers frequently to suck up to her. He was a bully and over the last 30 years I believe he has had 3 wives and dozens of girlfriends.

To be fair my Maternal Grandparents hate my Dad and my Paternal Grandparents certainly didn't like my Mum one bit. Neither Grandparents felt anyone was good enough for their children and that runs to Aunts and Uncles too. My Grandmother said her Mother was the same. Its clearly a 'thing' that happens to run in my family.

Ecureuil · 21/08/2017 15:46

Yes. They've got no reason not to like him, he's lovely.

HelloSquirrels · 21/08/2017 15:48

Yes. But my dps parents don't like me because I am not his ex or a doormat

WhooooAmI24601 · 21/08/2017 15:48

Yep, both of mine like him. I suspect more than they like me; he's very lovely.

BitOutOfPractice · 21/08/2017 15:49

My mom loves my dp possibly more than she loves me as he's a better cook

Seriously she does like him yes.

Have you talked to your Ps about it?

Viserion · 21/08/2017 15:50

Rituals about what should happen and when, how to speak to other people, never being allowed to ask a direct question. I am trying to keep it general here. Some of the specifics would be outing to anyone who knows me.

I have consistently 'failed' in everything in my father's eyes - straight As wasn't good enough, didn't go to the 'right' uni to do my extremely hard to get into degree, carried on my professional life after marriage and even worse, kids.

My mother's parents thought he wasn't good enough for her either (I think they were right!) so I guess he is just carrying on the pattern.

Mrscropley · 21/08/2017 15:51

My dps have never met dh as I am nc. . Stress free all round!

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