'D'H mobile phone

[Imsorrynow]

Temporarily NC for this. Long time member, occasional poster.
Married 35 years, both mid 50's. Three grown up, independent DC.
'D'H and I run a business together so finances complicated. We employ 20+ people from our village, mostly middle aged women like myself.
My question is this. Why would my husband have the number of one of our lady employees saved on his phone as Mr John Brown?
I know the answer, obviously. But could there be another, more innocent explanation?
DH is not tech savy. He probably thinks it's a stroke of genius to save a number under an assumed name (twat). And I download the bills every month for accounting purposes so I can monitor his calls at the touch of a button (double twat). Calls have been very early or late at night, and when I've been away visiting DD. Long calls, usually 30 minutes plus.
We are not in a financial position for me to up and leave. It would have drastic implications on the business and everyone's jobs.
I am in a bit of a quandary and don't really know where to start.
It's not the first time he's betrayed me. We worked through it ten years ago for the sake of the DC who were still at home and at important stages of their education, and also because the business couldn't have weathered a divorce.
Any advice/suggestions would be massively appreciated.

Not yet kebab, I'll be taking full advantage of having the house to myself this weekend though.

If you do ever manage to get a hold of his phone, you can check if he's been going where he said he was an not to her house. Maybe when he's asleep. Use his thumbprint to get access if it's a 5S or later.

Settings > Privacy > Location services > system services > Frequent Locations.

This should show where he's been going if he has location services enabled. (Although on some iphones a glitch means it doesn't show anything. Mine doesn't and I can't make it work.)

That could be a real eye opener Kids.
I really need that phone!

whatsdetective is your friend here if tracking whatsapp activity , the amount, not the texts and supports multiple numbers, you have to pay but it's not expensive

How did people get caught out cheating before all this location services and modern technology came about? There seems to be so many ways to catch a cheater with modern tech.

Imsorrynow it does seem like you have an advantage over your husband if he's not tech savvy, I consider myself pretty good with modern tech but some of the ways to detect peoples whereabouts is even news to me.

Good luck

Do you know his passcode or does he access via fingerprint?

If you know his passcode, you could add your own fingerprint.

..settings>Touch ID & Passcode>enter passcode>Add a Fingerprint

If you could access his phone initially set this up in a matter of seconds. You would then be able to access his phone if he lost it you borrowed it even if he changes his passcode

Also if you get hold of the phone and go to
Settings
Battery
Scroll down and it will tell you how much apps, internet, WhatsApp, texts etc have been used in last 24hours or 7 days

His phone isn't locked with either a fingerprint or a passcode - it's just a case of getting hold of it!
The 'frequent location' service is one I'm itching to set up on his phone - given half a chance ..

OP I'm so sorry he appears to have shit on you again but you sound very strong. Good luck for getting hold of his phone.
When he's away for his hobby where will he be staying? If at a hotel/guest house can you ask him for the name & number (just incase of emergencies) then call them to 'reconfirm' the booking is for a double room for Mr & Mrs Imsorrynow?

Can't you also set up 'Find my iphone"? or would that trigger an email saying it has been setup

Ladies it sounds like you could make a fortune catching cheaters. Id pay you

I think frequent locations will already be set unless it's been disabled. He wouldn't know if you enabled it!

Also!
If you swipe down from home screen there's a search bar. If you enter key words it will show all recent messages, emails etc containing that word.
(Sorry if this has been said already)

How can people be so brazen?
JB (OW) has walked in to work without a care in the world - chatty, bright and breezy. Whereas I am starting to feel like a crazy woman.

Well, what a crock ....why on earth are we consulting here over tech advice ? You have 2 choices stay and put up with him degrading you or leave and find a new life. It's hardly rocket science....unless of course he is technically challenged on the boarder of being a Luddite and then maybe that would explain why he saved the she as a he. You know him your call, only you can save yourself from more degradation.

I don't disagree brandy and op may come to that conclusion, but most people discovering an affair are shocked and devastated by the discovery. They need time to process what they've learned, and often want proof with which to confront the adulterer - so that it can't be denied, so that they aren't accused of being crazy or ending a marriage without reason. Op also needs time to get her ducks in a row and plan a future, especially given the complication of a joint business. Talk suggesting it is an easy decision, talk of degrading oneself, seems very glib.

If we were not both fully involved in a business together it would be simple to up and leave. I've said that. It's not just my financial future I've got to consider. It's our employees and I have a lot of loyalty towards them.
Things will be resolved. I'm just feeling shaky this morning.

Thanks Rainy

Exactly rainyA

It seem like you're going mad and takes quite a while to process. You doubt your own mind and question your ability to understand or accept anything.
Your life as you know it is about to change and it's hard to immediately push the button that will start that process.

Got it in one user

I am just daydreaming of OP telling JB "oh thank god you're here, listen, could you hold the fort? I need to get to the doctor, DH's given me an awful rash..."

OP, for what it's worth, I think you're doing the right thing. It's not nearly as easy to actually end a decades-long marriage as it is to type 'LTB'.

There is still the chance that he is best friends with LB and has become platonically close to her but hides it for fear of looking suspicious. I realise that's not the obvious explanation- but you are right to want as many facts as possible before you go in all guns blazing, as it puts you in a much stronger position.

Stay strong

Oh it must be awful Imsorrynow to have to be in the same place as her. Hold your head high

You are being very calm and collected OP which is great and sensible. Sending you a cyber hand hold and I hope you enjoy your weekend