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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

Feeling like i dont matter

85 replies

Agnus86 · 17/08/2017 20:39

So my husbands daughter is off to uni and has demanded my husband go with her and her mother( his first wife) to move her in. Its an hour or so away from us and she knows how much its going to.upset me. My husband doesnt want to but is going even though he knows how i feel. We both work a lot and have a little girl at home so time is really valued. He hasnt ever done anything with his ex wife and the kids since they split when his daughter was 4. I wasnt asked to go. Feels like they are going off to play happy families and my feelings and me are forgotten or dont matter. His eldest daughter is also coming to stay that weekend as its her birthday the one before but we cant do anything as hes off with the other daughter. I feel this is bery selfish and its also causi g me to not want my husband near me as i cant stand the thiyght of him playibg happy familys.

This is one selfish issue in a whole list of them im at my wits end

OP posts:

TokenGinger · 17/08/2017 22:06

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

TokenGinger · 17/08/2017 22:08

Oh, and in relation to the older daughter and her birthday... I'd be surprised if she did want to spend her birthday with her dad! My younger brother is 20 and even at his age wouldn't spend his birthday with his parents. We go for a family meal the weekend before or after any of our birthdays. We do not celebrate on the same day.

timeisnotaline · 17/08/2017 22:08

This seems very minor and a complete overreaction. They are not playing happy families. They are settling their daughter into uni.

Regularsizedrudy · 17/08/2017 22:09

it's totally normal for parents to make the first trip down to uni with their kids
an hour journey is not long
I have no idea why you are upset by any of this...

mumof06darlings · 17/08/2017 22:20

Sorry but can I just ask, is this the set up, you have a dh with older kids- is your child your dh's child or has she a different dad

forumdonkey · 17/08/2017 22:48

I agree with PP yabu. You're the parent/adult and you sound jealous and insecure.

I bet it'd be different if it was your DD.

Ellisandra · 17/08/2017 23:09

Very weird posts, several of which I don't understand.

OP, I thought took myself off to uni alone, as I was estranged from my parents. But I can still see that it's a normal thing to do, to want both to see you off.

That's one hell of a backstory for you to decide this is all about them playing happy families.

NotTheDuchessOfCambridge · 17/08/2017 23:18

Bonkers!

WombOfOnesOwn · 18/08/2017 02:20

The escalation to "I'll just leave him" is stunning. Do you often cut ties with long-term friends and relationships very abruptly, OP?

You'll make this girl feel like she's responsible for ending her father's second marriage, all by asking for something totally normal. What a lovely woman you must be.

wonderingsoul · 18/08/2017 02:26

I think you need to get a grip

What do you think is gunna happen...

Thatll he take her to uni and in that hour or two being in the same room as his ex that theyll fall back into love?

What do you think will happen if she gets married... or will you have her pick?

HadronCollider · 18/08/2017 02:49

You sound like the stepmother from hell.

AvaCrowder2 · 18/08/2017 02:57

Get a grip woman.

itsbetterthanabox · 18/08/2017 03:35

My mum and dad who haven't been together since I was 4 both took me on my first day at uni.
My stepdad didn't mind at all. If he had everyone would have looked at him like he was insane and it would have been really hurtful to me.
You could go along too and help out with the move! But do it because you want to help not because you are jealous.

thebigbluedustbin · 18/08/2017 06:48

I'm sorry, but this has nothing to do with you at all. Your husband's daughter wants her dad to be there when she starts uni. She also wants her mum to be there. This is a completely normal thing to want, and is not in any way selfish. You, on the other hand, are being selfish by making something that has nothing to do with you all about you. Leave them to it and deal with it. Your step daughter is who is important here.

BlueUggs · 18/08/2017 06:58

misses point of thread

There - it's over there.

Their - belonging to someone

He is their dad. Or their dad is over there.

Gorgosparta · 18/08/2017 07:07

Wow you are being awful.

You need to grow up. Your relationship with your dds father has nothing to so with this.

You sound really awful on ths thread.

pigeondujour · 18/08/2017 07:09

What the fuck?

TheNaze73 · 18/08/2017 07:13

Sorry OP, I think you're being ridiculous.

You're trying to make a landmark event in a child's life all about you.

mogulfield · 18/08/2017 07:17

Going away to Uni is a HUGE deal, HUGE. YABU.

LittleCandle · 18/08/2017 07:27

Agnus you need to be handed a grip, so here it is. This is not about you and despite all your claims to the contrary, you are definitely jealous. Why do you feel so insecure about this girl? You are married to your partner, and you knew he came with children when you married him. Going to university is a big deal and of course your DSD wants her dad there as well as her mum. Get over yourself!

Dappledsunlight · 18/08/2017 07:34

I can understand why your DH's daughter wishes both her parents to take her off to uni. It's a big step for both the young person and her parents and this is separate from anything you share with your DH. This is the reality of step families and you need to step back and let them as a family share this event. It's not a slight on you; it's simply something they all need to do for the daughter's benefit.

KimmySchmidt1 · 18/08/2017 07:45

You must recognise you are being incredibly unfair, selfish and insecure I'm afraid. It is an enormously momentous day in her life, she has accomplished her dream and it will set her up for a secure future. She wants her father to see her off and set her up in a new place she is living away from home at for the grist time.

To rob her of that because of a petty jealousy that they are a family is deeply petty and selfish. You cannot murder her or wipe her from existence, so you should make a place for her in your husband,s life on this incredibly special occasion.

Lets hope your wonderful husband doesn't leave you now your daughter is four as well and completely abandon her too shall we?

Emboo19 · 18/08/2017 07:50

It doesn't sound like your step daughter is the selfish one op!
She's starting uni, moving way from home that's a pretty big landmark event and halls will be filled with parents dropping off, she's completely normal to want both mum and dad there. The fact you think it's about you in anyway says a lot.
I think the comment about time being really valued as you have a dd is very telling, so his daughter isn't worth the time.
I really not sure how you were mature at uni as you don't sound it now!

Although probably not what you want to hear......one of my friends separated parents both took her off to uni. She's 4 hours away and they realised it was silly traveling back, ended up in a holiday inn for the night. Now we don't know the details as such, but the one night stay turned to two (apparently thought they'd explore the city a bit!) and almost a year later they are no longer seperated! Sorry, you probably don't want to hear that! But it's a true story (neither were in other relationships, but had been seperated 10+ years)

Vari757 · 18/08/2017 08:43

I think you need to put a post up that tells the full story with proper spelling and grammar as I am really not following your train of thought or who is who's husband/father or what the actual issue is?

itsbetterthanabox · 18/08/2017 09:04

What is 'playing happy families'?

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