1.Reading my messages on phone. Wouldn't bother me particularly but would rather he told me as when he reads the unread ones I don't see them highlighted and miss them iyswim
This isn't normal behaviour, like a PP said, if you had someone else's phone and a message came up you'd hand it back and tell them so they don't miss it. You certainly wouldn't across through and make the phone log it as read, knowing that you may nerve know it's been sent to you! That's selfish (nosey) and disrespectful.
2.Telling me I don't need my handbag when out for the day (actually do need it had to remind him I keep DD inhaler when we go out)
Of course you need a handbag. How else will you carry your purse or phone? Not to mention your dd's inhaler. It's almost like he's trying to strip you of anything that could possibly set you apart from him as an independent person.
3.Telling me I use too much toothpaste
That's your problem, not his! Do you use a pea sized blob? Then rest assured you're right and he's wrong. What would happen if you said you've read the instructions and are following the pea size instructions?! And no, it doesn't say petit pois!
4.Similarly that I shouldn't put the shower on while I get undressed, should wait untill I have got in
That makes no sense, I always get the cold water run off and make sure it's nice and warm before I get in. If he wants to do that, more fool him! But to expect you to do the same is just seriously controlling.
5.Where to put water bottle in compartment on side of passengers door, as in 'dont put it there, move it to there'
Do you ever ask why he requests that of you? Without a good resin it's clearly control.
6.Taking receipt out of my bag then quizzing me on what I had for lunch (disapproves of diet coke)
He needs to seriously back off. This is impingement of your freedom.
7.Asking me what I am eating on a regular basis when he sees me having something
Is it that he wants to share your food or that he wants to control what you eat?
Coming into kitchen as soon as I go in there
Same question as above
8.Turned him down for sex one night after he woke me up. He said he would do it anyway. I said no again. Nothing further happened
I'd be seriously pissed off if some one disrupted my sleep like that. It's a real control thing unless you've made it clear you like that.
9When frustrated saying things like 'im going to break X in a minute' referring to whatever he is holding or trying to deal with. He has never been physically violent with me but have seen him kick or stand on things
That is the perceived threat of violence and is used to make you tread on eggshells. Either that or he has serious anger issues. Does he shout a lot? Either way it's unhealthy.
10.Regularly saying "are you in a mood" when he picks up on me not being as I would normally be.
He's quite suffocating isn't he? Reminds me of an ex who was constantly reaching it for emotional reassurance - which I just couldn't give him. It was so draining. It's a sign of a problem with him and not with you though.
11. Saying I have my showers too hot
Tell him he has his showers too cold and that one man's meat is another man's poison, clearly!