Married men, do they leave their wife for their mistress?

[MayaGol]

What makes them finally take the step and leave? Pressure from the mistress?

They don't do they? Not 19 times out of 20 anyway.

I guess when they do some introspection and find that they will be much more happy (or happy at last) with the OW.

yes but once a cheat, always a cheat

I guess when they do some introspection and find think that they will be much more happy (or happy at last) with the OW.

FTFY. The grass is always greener on the other side.

Getting found out, in my experience. Otherwise they continue to have their cake and eat it.

Every cheat I've known has only ended up leaving once the wife has kicked him out for good. Otherwise they just dither, banging on about how confused they are, waiting for someone to push them so they don't have to jump.

I will get hated here...

I was with an older man almost twice my age at 23 whom I adored.
I completely loved him.
He always told me he wasn't with her anymore ...
I had no reason to doubt this we spent almost every night and day together I couldn't of been more in love.
I found out he was - I ended it.
He left her for me because I would no longer see him .... for three whole weeks - then he saw her behind my back (whilst spending every night with me and my children in our house) until she agreed to take him back.
Then when I found out his lies were lies and he was back with her I cut contact.
He's regretted it ever since because I won't give him the time of day. He drives past my house daily... He's been on my doorstep tonight. He calls me most evenings.
She's a really good looking woman, the opposite of me very very skinny, tall and blonde ( I'm short and dark with big boobs) she's almost ten years younger and two young kids with him. I used to feel bad until I realised what a bell end she really is and I'm not surprised he hates her anymore, harsh maybe, but she really is generally nasty person I might of been too if I had 17 years off his shit.
She once said to me " Your not the first and you won't be the last" I simply replied "That says a lot more about you than it does me"
Which is true. I have had four months of ignoring him, I will never allow someone to treat me that way. I learnt a lot from him.

I probably still love him.

how can you stop a man from dithering and take the decision to leave? by refusing to see him?

Why do you want a man who doesn't want to leave his wife?

embarassedbut Your timeline makes no sense.

I was with an older man almost twice my age at 23 whom I adored.

she's almost ten years younger and two young kids with him.

I might of been too if I had 17 years off his shit.

You were 23 when you and he met, but she is 10 years younger? But she's had "17 years of his shit"?

So that means she was a married 13 year old (to a 46 year old) when you and he met, but she's been with him 17 years so they got together when she was -3 years old?

I call bullshit

What I think embarrased is 23, "her" MM is 45, his wife is 35 and they have been a couple since they were 18 and 28. It adds up.

What I think she means that that she was 10 years younger than the bloke, not 10 years younger than the poster.

Ahh, now see, that makes a lot more sense

Maya have you heard the line "when a man marries his mistress he creates a vacancy". Is that really what you want Maya, to constantly be looking for signs of infidelity?

We need all the diversion from OW angst we can get

SerfTerf Very true

You want us to tell you how to make a man leave his wife for you? Is that right?

He creates a vacancy for a new mistress it never ends well. You will never be the cat who got the cream. Some men love the excitement of sneaking around they find it sexy.

no I am actually the wife, and trying to figure out what is the pressure she is putting on him

He is having some sort of mental breakdown in front of me

It depends.

She might be late 30's and feel it's a last chance at a family.

She might at any age, be attracted to an older man due to his financial status that dries up when he has to pay maintenance.

She might genuinely love him and vice versa.

She might have low self esteem.

A combination of any of the above and a million other reasons.

Truth is - it doesn't matter.

The real question is why does a married man want to risk/destroy his family life to fuck someone else?

The most common answer is because he's an egotistical prick who thinks he'll get away with it.

Are you not turfing him out then?

You deserve better do you have kids together?

Many men put of divorce because they cant afford the payout. They want to keep that life. I know a wife who stays with her cheating husband who has had a love child only for the money. They have one child together and she is younger than him and when he dies she inherits all of his wealth.

Oh and dithering....

Read this...

www.chumplady.com/2012/04/the-humiliating-dance-of-pick-me/

And also the link to cake theory..

www.chumplady.com/2012/04/the-unified-theory-of-cake/

OWhore - told him she was pregnant, she was not and then faked a miscarriage 2 weeks after he moved out.

Faked another 5 months later when he threatened to leave her.

Patched it up - faked another miscarriage. (Ex loves a sob story and to be needed)

Finally did get pregnant, had a child and after 1 year he left.

She tried the pregnant trick again but failed to get him back

justtiredofcoping does he hate responsibility some men will just go on having children.