Married men, do they leave their wife for their mistress?

[MayaGol]

What makes them finally take the step and leave? Pressure from the mistress?

😂 no I'm 24 now he's 48 she's about 39 ...
Italian Greyhound
I don't feel I cling on to him to be honest because I left and cut contact when realised he will never change and now I'm in another relationship, warier and taking it so much slower.
I have no contact - he tries constantly. Messages through mutual friends etc turning up, beeping outside my house but I'm pretty strong willed and now I know that he never left - he got kicked out.
I think that's why men leave.
I was only ever unknowingly the OW.
I wouldn't do it again ever. I think my feelings are just of hurt more than anything...
I'm probably off to name change now - just in case

It's really dependent on the individuals involved.

I know two couples whose relationship started as an affair. Both left their partners and both have been together now longer than they were previously married.

Some people just want to cheat and get away with it. Some people just fall in love with someone else.

For your own mental health OP kick him out until he's made his mind up.

My sister is a Mistress and I mean an actual real one. I actually didn't speak to her for a few years as I just couldn't deal with it. It's around 12 years now. He is really wealthy and she gets to go on all his business trips with him and he has done stuff like buy her cars and takes her on trips to Karen Millen and buys her Jimmy Choos, pays for her hair etc.He has said when his youngest leaves for University he will leave his wife.

They are both in their late forties. My sister is incredibly beautiful physically, men always notice her.

I do not think for a second he will leave his wife because he will need to split his assets. I had a huge argument with my sister a couple of years ago as she was going on about how he was the best person she knew, I said I bet his wife wouldn't think that if she knew about you.

I would not want a man if he had been elsewhere plus how could you ever trust them. Personally one time in my life I did develop feelings for a close friend as did he for me we walked away because it was the right thing to do as I am married.

My friend's husband was married to someone else when they met. He left his wife very quickly for her and they've been married for 14 years now, they seem happy, my friend trusts him I think as she's never mentioned that she doesn't. He's a bit older by about 8 or 9 years and she's very pretty, he seems to consider himself lucky. I also don't believe the old adage of creating a vacancy/once a cheater etc.

BamBam I know two couples whose relationship started as an affair. Both left their partners and both have been together now longer than they were previously married.. I know two couples who started as affairs and then went on to marry the mistress too. Both men are now currently cheating on wife no.2

I'm sure there are lots if different outcomes. As I said it depends upon the individuals. I don't think it's binary at all when human beings are involved.

I guess it depends why they cheat and if they actually love the ow. I think it also makes a difference if they choose to leave their wife or it they get found out in some cases.

People have affairs for different reasons.

Every case is different.

'which leaves the OW as second choice' ... and a vacancy for something on the side.

As an early teen, I found the idea of a great passion, kindled in spite of the dowdy wife in the background, impossibly romantic to many historical novels featuring Henry VIII. As an adult it's just so tawdry and sad. Relationships end, it's a pity but there it is.

The only thing a decent human being can do, is to run relationships in series, one after another rather than in parallel.

My husband was treating me more and more like shit, acting like he did not want to be with me. I tried getting him to admit that he was having an affair. He didn't leave. I tried getting him to admit that he wanted to leave. He didn't leave. I said that we could split up if he wanted to. He didn't leave. I found his email address and confronted him with all his shit. He didn't leave. I confronted him with his actions every time we were in the house together, talked openly about it with his family, sent him ads for flats. He didn't leave. When I couldn't sleep at night I got up and went to chat with him. I sat right next to him on the settee, putting my hand on his knee and saying why shouldn't I, if he was my husband. He left shortly after that. Finally.

Now still shacked up with OW and may she be lumped with the dirty shit for the rest of her life.

A friend got married to a delightful woman when they were both early 20s. They seemed happy and remained, I believe by choice, childfree. After about 15 years, he met a recently divorced woman and they (I knew nothing about it at the time) started an affair. When I did get to meet her, the OW was nice enough but not a patch on the wife for brains, looks or character.

But she wanted a baby, and it turned out so did he. What made him leave was the OW getting pregnant, which as far as I can recall happened within a few months, i.e. the deception didn't last long. The split was a clean break; friend and OW have now been married 20 odd years and have two kids.

I lost touch with the wife, who I rather liked.

Raven . A sadly familiar tale on these boards and in RL.

Definitely a lot of 'cake eating' going on with most of them.

I wondered why the OW was not pissed off with him at not leaving. According to him we'd never been happy in any of our 20 years, didn't sleep together - no cake at all - I was an awful nag and planning to desert the kids and leave the country. Yet he was actually refusing to go off with her when I was handing it to him on a plate. At that point at the latest, in her position I'd have started wondering if he really wanted to be with me.

ravenmum - I doubt very much he was telling her the same story he was telling you! I'm sure you realise that too though. I would imagine he had all sorts of reasons up his sleeve why he "had" to stay with you, possibly including your mental health, the children, you stealing all his money for maintenance etc. etc.

ThumbWitches, that was the story he was telling her! Read his emails ... I got a different story as it was a load of nonsense. Maybe there was more he didn't write, but the poor woman clearly doesn't know about Mumsnet red flags

Some do

Sorry Ravenmum - didn't quite get that from your post, my fault!
Well I don't understand her either then. She must have been desperate to hang on to him!

So many different scenarios.
Sometimes the new relationship works sometimes It doesn't.