If you're divorced or separated...

[Annabelle4]

Can I ask a very personal question?

Did you have doubts before you got married, but married him anyway?

Yes I did but we already had couple of kids and I thought 'what the hell'? Having said that I'm guessing most people have some pre-wedding doubts

I had no doubts at all.
We had a good 15 years together but wandering dick got the better of him.

With my recent ExP there was no way on this planet I would ever have married him. And yeah, he's a total slimeball and we are over too.

I did have doubts in my 20's when I'd already booked a wedding.
I did call it off but only because I knew didn't love him.
It would have ended in divorce and I knew I had to do what I did.
I was NOT popular but everyone got over it.

Yes.

Yes.

Yes I did. Having said that it was a fairly long and reasonably good marriage that eventually ran it's course. Looking back we were pulling each other in the opposite direction the whole time and are probably both in a far better situation now.

Yup! But thought that it would get better because we loved each other.

Also thought that I deserved it (physical/emotional abuse) because of my choices. It wasn't that bad at the beginning and he'd had me convinced that I was overreacting. It didn't take much to convince me to be honest because I didn't want to fight back/walk away (even though everything inside me was saying to go) and the 'nice' part of him was there enough for me to 'forget' the other stuff.

No. Most absolutely and definitely not.

I nearly called off the wedding the day before I was due to walk down the aisle and I really wish I had had the strength to do it.
We'd been together for three volatile years and the marriage lasted two completely shitty years.

It was dead the water one month after the event.

No. But I should have had. Looking back with the hindsight of maturity it was a horrendous mis-match. But I was young and stupid.

No. But I think he did.

No, I didn't.

We married because he was a high tax payer and I was a LP on benefits and I wasn't prepared to live with him as a dependent without being married.

He turned out to be secretive, non-communicative and PA so the relationship ended but we're still married and no plans for imminent divorce as we have twins who are 8 together.

I went into the marriage feeling it was an agreement to share children and finances, so no real regrets there as he is at least good at that. I just lost respect for him as a partner and the love followed shortly after.

Yes. And I'm fairly sure he did too. And we still do, but I don't think it's necessarily a bad thing, at least you're not blindly walking into anything. But if you feel you're knowingly ignoring serious warning signs, that's a different matter.

Yes huge and my wedding day was one of the worst days of my life but everyone had been so excited for me when he proposed that I ended up going through with it despite my misgivings.

No, none. We were young and ridiculously happy and in love. Which lasted for quite a long time before things fell apart.

What the "killer" thing was for me was that I thought that the security of marriage might give my now XH a bit more structure and stop him being such a neurotic bellend.

Nope.

If you are having doubts OP then you need to assess just how deep they run and how fatal they could be if not addressed.

Yes. I knew it was a stupid thing to do even on the day of the wedding but I felt that a) I'd gone too far to back out now and b) I didn't think I deserved better.

Huge massive gigantic mistake that has cost me £50k. I do have a child from it though so that's a positive.

Yes. I don't think I was ever in love with him but he was safe and I trusted him. I shouldn't have married him.

Yes, but only with hindsight. At the time I was just not in a good place and just really felt that I had no right to better treatment. I'd never put up with crap like that now.

Nope. But I was much younger/naive/ immature and was infatuated - a whirlwind romance. Had only been together 6 months - haha! Cringe at that now.

You live 'n learn....

No, no doubts whatsoever. I was very happy in our relationship for 13 years up until the day he told me he no longer loved me.

Nope, like tickled no doubts and happy in our relationship for 21 years up until he recently told me he now didn't feel the same and left me with 3 young children

I had doubts, I kind of hoped someone would stand up and stop the wedding. I shouldn't have gone ahead with it. We stayed together for ten years but the last 5 years were spent just living together ( for the kids ).

At the time no: we'd been together 7 years, lived together for 3 years, had done long-distance etc etc.

But with the benefit of hindsight, I was spectacularly immature- he was my 1st relationship & we'd been together since late teens. It lasted 3 years, during which time I grew up & outgrew him (he turned in to a twat 6 months after we married).

Yes.