If you're divorced or separated...

[Annabelle4]

Can I ask a very personal question?

Did you have doubts before you got married, but married him anyway?

Yes. I knew it from the second he proposed and I sat there swearing. I thought it would be okay. It wasn't.

Yup.

Arguments yes but not doubts I loved him and was very young (17) we were married 8 years almost

Yes I did. They got a tattoo of my name and I was supposed to get theirs but I made an excuse and missed the appointment. Good job!

I was in denial and didn't have enough confidence to do anything about it

Yes. I wasn't brave enough to call it off because all my friends and my employers knew him and were invited to the wedding. Hindsight is a real bitch. I've also now finally been able to process that his behaviour is not my shame, if that makes sense, so it makes it easier to know I'm doing the right thing.

No, at the time we got married I thought we were very compatible, had lots in common and were a great match. I had no doubts at all even though I did expect to have some! Then it all went wrong. I stayed a lot longer than I should have because I loved him and I kept hoping he would change back to the person I met. I was young and naive.

Looking back I think there were some signs but I just didn't see them. Or didn't want to. My family had doubts and they were right.

Yes

Yes. Even walking down the aisle I felt I was making a mistake. I left him after 6 years.

Yes. But I was in love and just thought he was oddball and different. Turns out he had much deeper issues which didn't come to light until after I married him. If he had been more upfront about his anger and control problems I would never have stayed. Time went on and bit by bit his true character emerged. I am still to this day utterly bewildered that a person could continually lie so easily and put so much energy into controlling me.
I have since found out that the correct term for toxic people like him is a narcissistic sociopath!
If you are with someone like this...run away, as fast as you can.

No, none. We had a good decade too before everything fell apart.

Yes, definitely.
And the marriage lasted 6 months.

1st marriage yes.

2nd marriage no. His dick wandered into someone else.

Yes and then went on to have a child which made it all so messy when it ended. Have to deal with him for the next 10 years...

Yes.

Was my first and only relationship, didn't know any better, and as we had been together for 9 years before we married, we were just habit really.

Going through divorce now and I am in my mid 40's. I realize now that I haven't really lived my life in that area (no break ups, no one night stands, no excitement of first, second dates, does he like me, will he call etc). Bit sad yes I know. I also feel a bit short changed really, that I have never really felt what real love is. Of course my dc I have, but in a relationship sense.

Onwards and upwards though. But I am no looking for that atm, need to get my head right first.

At this point in my life, I can never see marriage on the cards for me again.

Yes I had doubts but squashed them down. I also knew I would be better off financially if we married than if we didn't.

Yes. 100%. But I wanted children and had fallen for the sunken costs fallacy. I was a twat because I had doubts 3 months into the relationship. I even remember the first kiss as being 'oh well, I guess I better kiss him now.'

Turned out, he wouldn't have any more than one child and was a hypercritical bastard. I'm so glad I left. When I see him now I cringe that I ever let him near me. And I regret not calling the wedding off.

Yes and the marriage lasted less than three years...

Not a single doubt. I thought he was my perfect man. In reality he was just mirroring me. I guess that means I am my perfect partner?

Yes!!

Yes. I remember thinking that if it didn't work out there was always divorce. Looking back I was on the rebound and shouldn't have done it. Didn't have the guts to call it off as my parents had paid for it all!

Yes, but it seemed good enough. Two kids and 21 years later, now married to someone else, I know it was nowhere near good enough. I was 28, what was the rush?!

Yes, we were together 19 years in total, we had one DS.
I should've left years before.
I wish I had been braver. But I wouldn't have had DS.

Yes
Should have listen to myself as 3 days into marriage he show his true colours. We had not live together before the wedding should have done .we stay married for 25 years cos I was stubborn fool.

Yes
Should have listen to myself as 3 days into marriage he show his true colours. We had not live together before the wedding should have done .we stay married for 25 years cos I was stubborn fool.