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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

If you're divorced or separated...

74 replies

Annabelle4 · 16/08/2017 16:56

Can I ask a very personal question?

Did you have doubts before you got married, but married him anyway?

OP posts:
ModerateBecomingGoodLater · 16/08/2017 19:21

I didn't, but my family did.

They were so so so right.

scoobydooagain · 16/08/2017 19:25

Yes, I knew I would get divorced, went through with it as I found out I was pregnant less than a week before the wedding, if honest not sure if would have been brave enough not to go through even if not pregnant. Got divorced on a 2 year separation when ds was still 2! Expensive mistake.
My dp also says he knew he would separate but his marriage lasted about 15 years.

Desmondo2016 · 16/08/2017 19:35

Yeah, I never loved him and didn't like him much either but we had a baby and I was a mere 18 years old so didn't resist what I knew was wrong. Regretted it for 14 years until I finally made things right .

Muddlingalongalone · 16/08/2017 19:38

None at all & I would have 100% bet on him not cheating since he was still messed up about his 1St love cheating on him 2 years earlier.
How naive & stupid I was!

Queenofthedrivensnow · 16/08/2017 19:44

Yes

EllenJanethickerknickers · 16/08/2017 19:45

I had a few doubts, mainly that he was safe rather than the all consuming love of my life. I had a perfectly happy marriage, though, until he had an affair, much to everyone's surprise. I think it was a mid-crisis thing but maybe his current wife and he are the loves of their lives, who knows? He is her 4th husband, however. Shock

Whereisthesunshine · 16/08/2017 19:49

No not at all. I am still absolutely shell shocked how easily he walked away from our marriage, how little worth I was to him. I am starting to realise that he prefers life on his own which I maybe should have realised. I still love him after one year of separation Sad.

Blinkingecksake · 16/08/2017 19:49

Yes, but I can't say I should have listened to them else I wouldn't have my wonderful boys.

mrssapphirebright · 16/08/2017 19:51

Yes. I naively thought (age 24) that getting married on a romantic whim was a good idea. Very live in the moment kinda thing. I told myself that if it didn't work out then we'd just get a divorce. Easy. Shows how wrong I was. Of course I didn't realise how hard it is to leave when you have dc and a home together.

He was / is a great guy and I have no regrets. We had a good go at it and he made me happy for many years. But I knew we didn't click like we should've done.

In the run up to the wedding my family were worried I was making a mistake ( he was older than me). I too thought I was too far gone to call it off. I didn't want to let him down.

lynmilne65 · 16/08/2017 20:10

Yes, twice !Envy

Passthebiscuitspls · 16/08/2017 20:28

No none at all. I thought we would go the distance. So did everyone else around us. We were so happy for nearly 20 years, until he decided to stick his dick in someone else! I wouldn't change the marriage as my gorgeous kids have come out of it. But didn't see it coming, him turning into a twat!

BankWadger · 16/08/2017 20:41

No, but there were so many red flags all over the place I really really should have!

EasyToEatTiger · 16/08/2017 20:45

Yes. there were red flags flying but I still married him. I don't think I really knew what else to do. He is the same now but with bells on. And we are heading towards divorce.

MegFlyAway · 16/08/2017 21:07

No absolutely not. Had a brilliant relationship but a year into marriage he then fell in love with someone he worked closely with ☹️

Crowdo · 16/08/2017 21:09

I had doubts.

mistermagpie · 16/08/2017 21:43

At the time I would have said no, but I used to sort of fantasise about the kind of life I would have after we split up - that should have been a sign!

Beentherelefthimgotthetshirt · 16/08/2017 22:13

XH1 - no doubts. 6 years married before separation.

XH2 - yes. 10 years living together then I said I don't think you're as into me as I am you. He convinced me otherwise, married me then cheated on me 5 years later and we separated.

MollyWantsACracker · 16/08/2017 22:25

I actually went to my mother and said I don't think this is right. She said but everything is booked!! 🙄
I should have gone to my Dad.

SummerflowerXx · 16/08/2017 22:31

First husband - no doubts, I thought we would stay the course.

Second husband - huge, massive and correct doubts.

AnneBiscuit · 16/08/2017 22:31

Yes.

BubbleBed · 16/08/2017 22:34

Yes.

I used to ask myself if I was happy everyday. And I rarely honestly answered yes. I got swept up in it all, in my early twenties.

We are both much much happier with our respective partners nearly ten years after our split.

Now I answer yes to being happy at least 9 times out of 10.

cushioncovers · 16/08/2017 22:41

Not at the time but 20 years on I realise that I did have niggling doubts and they became great big regrets after my youngest child was born. Still took me another 9 years to do anything though.

cushioncovers · 16/08/2017 22:43

I didn't, but my family did.

They were so so so right.

Actually this ^^

SelfObsessionHoney · 16/08/2017 22:44

Yes. As did friends and family.

isntitapip · 16/08/2017 22:53

Yes. But I wanted to be married and didn't think I'd find anyone else. Everyman I've fallen in love with before that has ended up dumping me. I guess he did the same in the end, though I was no longer in love with him by then so it didn't bother me so much. I was relieved actually.