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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

partner went nuts at the dog

72 replies

BBLucy1891 · 15/08/2017 22:32

Maybe this is silly, but last night my partner went crazy at the dog...like totally mental...he didn't hurt him but he was going to, or at least could have, but the dog ran up and hid behind me. His voice, everything, was angrier than I'd ever seen or heard and he also scared our toddler. The dog hadn't actually done anything either, plus he's tiny. Anyway, he said he'd had a stressful day at work and he's tired. The thing is it's pretty out of character - he's very much the strong, stable, dependable type, a great father, maybe has a tendency to bottle up his feelings but you're typical man in that respect. We're both exhausted from work, having a toddler but overall we're happy, or at least I thought we were. I have tried talking to him but he said he had just had a bad day and he's sorry but that there's nothing wrong. Should I be worried? We're getting married next year (ps - I experienced domestic violence as a child so I'm probably hyper-cautious). Thoughts welcome, thanks

OP posts:
WellErrr · 15/08/2017 22:35

Not normal.

And something very creepy and unpleasant about men who do this to small defenceless things (children, animals etc).

I doubt he'd take out his frustrations on someone who'd fight back, would he?

Sorry OP Flowers

LouiseBrooks · 15/08/2017 22:38

I'd be very worried indeed. Tired and stressed is no excuse. It's most certainly not normal. Sorry.

FrancisCrawford · 15/08/2017 22:40

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

converseandjeans · 15/08/2017 22:42

It would be of concern to me. Does the dog get enough exercise? They can be a pain if they haven't been out for a run.

Dustbunny1900 · 15/08/2017 22:42

Did he try and physically hurt the dog? Can you expand a bit more? I'd be wary OP. that behavior is worrying and does not bode well, if he bottles it up maybe he should take up boxing or therapy

Girliefriendlikesflowers · 15/08/2017 22:44

No thats not o.kay Sad poor dog and toddler.

I would think thats a pretty massive red flag tbh.

Mulch · 15/08/2017 22:47

Huge red flag. If he's stressed he needs to be able to deal with it or acknowledge it. This goes to show he can act out a result. He'll be full of apologies and remorse until next time.

DadOctave · 15/08/2017 22:49

Sounds like he's got some anxiety going on.

mycatdoesntlovemeanymore · 15/08/2017 22:50

As others have said, that would be a red flag for me. taking out your anger on the defenceless would massively turn me off a person. Your poor dog would have been terrified. Good job he hid behind you.

Mrscropley · 15/08/2017 22:50

My ex used to get irritated with my cats. . One night one of them didn't come home while I was out (stayed out at a party while dh went home to sulk) coincidence? Think not.

It is a massive red flag.

Original poster
BBLucy1891 · 15/08/2017 23:01

I was upstairs with the baby so I didn't see exactly, I just heard the shouting and like him going for the dog, but he ran away upstairs. It took ages to get him out from under the bed afterwards he was shaking. But he didn't actually touch the dog...I'm not sure if he would have. It's just he sounded like someone I didn't know - in a total rage. He apologised afterwards and because nothing had actually happened (the dog was fine after a few minutes) I said it was fine. The thing is I've had the odd meltdown-over-nothing since becoming a mum - not at anyone or anything in particular just exhaustion and the pressure of my work, but for me this wouldn't be wholly out of character - I'm more "expressive" and tempestuous (not towards my child but in general)...so I wonder if I have double standards. What I'm trying to say is that it was weird because it was out of character for him, like a side I hadn't seen before...

OP posts:
Maelstrop · 15/08/2017 23:04

I'd go nuts at him, particularly if it's out of character. It's bizarre and I'd want to have a chat with him about why he did it.

AliCat36 · 15/08/2017 23:07

Out of control rage towards a tiny dog is unacceptable. If the dog hadn't got away or you hadn't been there, what would have happened?
Next it could be your child, who is also small & defenceless. The dog hid & was shaking with fear. What if he did that to your child?
I'd have huge huge concerns.

PacificDogwod · 15/08/2017 23:08

You are right to be worried.

He is showing you who he is - take note.

converseandjeans · 15/08/2017 23:11

You haven't said whether or not the dog is getting sufficient exercise. if the dog is not being taken out enough it will likely be more hyper. Our dog has always had at least 2 walks a day even on days like babies being born, things being crazy busy with work.

Nancy91 · 15/08/2017 23:15

Poor dog, being cruel to defenceless creatures is a deal breaker for me Sad

Costacoffeeplease · 15/08/2017 23:18

And me, I'd never want to look at his pathetic face again, and his stuff would be in a bag on the front step

IrregularCommentary · 15/08/2017 23:22

He behaved in such a way as to leave the poor dog shaking in fear and hiding?

Not sure how I'd get past that tbh.

Patienceisvirtuous · 15/08/2017 23:22

:( poor dog and toddler.

Simply awful.

Deal breaker for me. The defenceless need protecting from bullies.

Blackadderspants · 15/08/2017 23:26

Sorry this would be a huge red flag for me.

At the very, Very least he needs to know in no uncertain terms that behaviour like that towards a defenceless creature is beyond the pale. Truly horrible.

I recommend a strong heart to heart with him.

Sorry OP x

Fluffypinkpyjamas · 15/08/2017 23:38

Poor poor dog! What was his feeble excuse?! If anyone touched our dogs, any of our pets, they would be out on their ear whilst picking their teeth up on the way out. Do not leave your dog or child alone with him. This man is a cunt. LTB. Before he does something that makes you wish you had.

Fluffypinkpyjamas · 15/08/2017 23:39

*touched or upset or threatened. How do you know he's not hurt the dog before?

Mrscropley · 15/08/2017 23:42

My friends exh jammed a chair under the kitchen door so he could beat shit (literally) out of their dog for whining because their guest was snoring -
I reported him to Dog's trust (where she came from) and they came and took her away next day (phone call from me with name given).
Her dc were just as scared of him - ltb before it's your dc next.

ItsNachoCheese · 15/08/2017 23:45

If he did that to my dog id tell him to leave and my dog is probabaly twice the size of yours (sounds a small dog breed type)

NewBrian · 15/08/2017 23:46

Anyone that scared my dogs would be out. What's he like when you're not there? How long have you been together?

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