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Original poster

Was he trying to swindle me?

77 replies

Converseallstar · 10/08/2017 08:54

DP hands me over the housekeeping money (his half) every Friday which is £140, he also owed me £100 from something else. I told him he could pay me half of £100 today (£50) and half next week so it doesn't leave him broke. He happily agreed.

So this morning he goes to the cash machine (I'm waiting in the car as I drive him to work every morning), gets back in the car and puts the money directly into my pocket (no biggie as I'm notorious for leaving cash on show around the car) and I respond with "thank you babe" and he replies "ok I owe you £50 now, no problem" I replied. As we are driving down the road I had a thought, the thought was he could be incredibly skint this week, he works very hard and I'm a strong believer in the 'reward system' let's say, so I offer him back £20 of the money he just gave to me, I say "here, take that and pay me the rest over the next coming weeks" (rest of the £100 he owes me) and he says "no no" and gently pushes my hand back towards me as if to say keep the money. Two seconds later, now I can't recall the exact way it was said or the words said but he basically said he gave me £10 short of the £50 he was giving me, he "didn't draw enough out" was his words.

Now this was news to me as he hadn't mentioned anything about giving me only £40, so I asked him and his response was "I didn't want to let you down as I said I was giving you £50" 🤔 hmm...

My thoughts are, did he start to feel bad that he tried to short me when I offered him some money back so confessed? Or am I over thinking? I never count the money and I think he knows that because I trust him. Why would you draw short out the bank to begin with? He's usually on top of his finances with me.

What do you think ladies & gents?

Sorry to drip feed just trying to give you the whole scenario.

[Post edited by MNHQ]

OP posts:
Original poster
Converseallstar · 10/08/2017 08:58

Sorry just to add when I asked him why didn't he tell me earlier he said he should have, that was his fault, but he was going to say.

OP posts:
Buck3t · 10/08/2017 08:59

Just so you know you will get people saying how can he owe you "all money is our money." So now that derailment is out of the way. Just ask him why? Cause you would have found out later surely?

Costacoffeeplease · 10/08/2017 09:03

Why do you never count it? He may have over paid one week by mistake? Always count cash, no matter who it's from

If you've had to pay out £100 on his behalf, why does he get to pay back in instalments?

The way you talk about a 'reward' system sounds like you're talking about a child, not an equal

And yes, he was trying to pull a fast one - he sounds a real catch

Dottie39 · 10/08/2017 09:06

I think, when you suspect your partner is trying to swindle you out of a tenner.. and it bothers you this much, that maybe this relationship isn't entirely working.

Hermonie2016 · 10/08/2017 09:07

Yep, think his conscious was pricked when you offered money back.Your gut instinct is right.

He did at least agree it was wrong but he's shown what he is capable of.I think it depends on your circumstances, a few years together or a long term relationship where money is "ours" but I would be cautious in future.

If you are not together too long I would avoid feeling sorry for him, he's a grown up and should manage his finances, if he can't earn enough then he needs to be taking steps to improve his earnings.

Just be cautious as when I was younger I fell for a similar character and realised over years he began to treat me as 'mum' bailing him out whenever he had money issues.It never ends well.

Buck3t · 10/08/2017 09:07

Cross post sorry

Berthatydfil · 10/08/2017 09:08

Yes I think he was trying to trick you.

I think he put the money in your pocket without you counting it so that when you stated to spend it you wouldn't miss the £10 short. Then later on if you did miss it he would then try to persuade gaslight you you were mistaken and you had lost a tenner or spent it and couldn't remember.
I think he came clean either because he thought there was a risk you would count the money during the exchange or a bit later and find it was £10 short and call him it - or possibly he felt guilty at trying to trick you so admitted to it.

PearlyPinkNails · 10/08/2017 09:10

Jip me??

FFS.

AnotherLegoBrick · 10/08/2017 09:15

Reward system? How old is he?

Bananalanacake · 10/08/2017 09:18

Why do you drive him to work, has he lost his license.

Mrsjohnmurphy · 10/08/2017 09:24

I think you are vulnerable to being taken in by a cocklodger. No shame in it I was too. He moved in and would turn on the water works when it was time to go to work (self employed). Funnily enough be happy as larry half an hour later. I also woke of a morning some times to find he had downed half a bottle of left over wine (not conducive to driving a taxi)

He was supposed to give me 200 quid a week to cover benefits lost, never once happened and our cohabiting lasted approx 3 months, I'm not so green as cabbage looking.

Original poster
Converseallstar · 10/08/2017 09:25

He owed me the money from something I wanted earlier and couldn't wait, my phone screen broke and he kindly offered to pay half of the £217 bill, I paid the full bill last week and he said you pay it now and I'll give you my half next week. I wanted it back quick and couldn't wait so hence the owed money.

Yeah just because I use the word reward system doesn't make him a child, I use that word for everybody (including myself) it's just a few words don't take it so literal.

I did ask him why and he said "I didn't want to let you down" as in because he said he was going to give me half to the phone screen this week, thing is though I don't value money as some people would and he knows that, if he was going to give me short I wouldn't of cared. I mean come on! It's not letting me down is it if he supposedly drew short out the cash machine??

He is rapidly progressing in his new job and his finances are ok, it was because he helped me out with my phone screen and I offered to pay me over the coming weeks.

It has nothing to do with amount I was trying to be swindled, it's the fact that he tried to do it!

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Original poster
Converseallstar · 10/08/2017 09:27

No harm to you and with all respect it's no ones business why I drive him to work.

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BreakfastAtSquiffanys · 10/08/2017 09:27

It sounds like there is a lot of financial inequality in your relationship if you've agreed that he gives you £140 a week but you are settling for £30 and he owes you £100 from last week.
Just how far is £30 going to go at Tesco?

Where is he spending this agreed money that you're not getting?

Original poster
Converseallstar · 10/08/2017 09:30

No BreakfastAtSquiffanys he gave all the housekeeping which was £140 he just gave short on the money owed for the phone screen, he was supposed to give me £50 this week and £50 next, but he gave me £40 of the £50 and he only said so after I tried to give him some back

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Costacoffeeplease · 10/08/2017 09:32

He's full of it, isn't he?

Do you want to be watching and policing him all the time?

Original poster
Converseallstar · 10/08/2017 09:32

Mrsjohnmurphy I'm sorry to hear your story with cocklodger but DP works very hard and is a grafter, he has no issues going to work, he works all the hours god gives to him with no issues.

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Original poster
Converseallstar · 10/08/2017 09:33

Costacoffeeplease elaborate please.

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Costacoffeeplease · 10/08/2017 09:36

He didn't tell you, but was going to tell you - bullshit

And now you don't know if he's done it in the past or will try to slip something past you in the future - as you say, it's not the tenner it's the fact he tried to get away with it. Very low moral standards

Original poster
Converseallstar · 10/08/2017 09:37

Costacoffeeplease I whole heatedly agree. I'm very hurt and dissapointed. I knew my gut was right.

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Original poster
Converseallstar · 10/08/2017 09:37

Costacoffeeplease I whole heatedly agree. I'm very hurt and dissapointed. I knew my gut was right.

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Original poster
Converseallstar · 10/08/2017 09:38

Wholeheartedly*

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Cherylvole · 10/08/2017 09:39

Lol at reward system. And house keeping. Ffs

Original poster
Converseallstar · 10/08/2017 09:42

We've all been brought up different, different terms used for different things, you know what I mean.

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Original poster
Converseallstar · 10/08/2017 09:43

Your supposed to be mature enough to give me advice but then you are taking the piss out of words I use? Ok 🤔

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