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Original poster

Was he trying to swindle me?

77 replies

Converseallstar · 10/08/2017 08:54

DP hands me over the housekeeping money (his half) every Friday which is £140, he also owed me £100 from something else. I told him he could pay me half of £100 today (£50) and half next week so it doesn't leave him broke. He happily agreed.

So this morning he goes to the cash machine (I'm waiting in the car as I drive him to work every morning), gets back in the car and puts the money directly into my pocket (no biggie as I'm notorious for leaving cash on show around the car) and I respond with "thank you babe" and he replies "ok I owe you £50 now, no problem" I replied. As we are driving down the road I had a thought, the thought was he could be incredibly skint this week, he works very hard and I'm a strong believer in the 'reward system' let's say, so I offer him back £20 of the money he just gave to me, I say "here, take that and pay me the rest over the next coming weeks" (rest of the £100 he owes me) and he says "no no" and gently pushes my hand back towards me as if to say keep the money. Two seconds later, now I can't recall the exact way it was said or the words said but he basically said he gave me £10 short of the £50 he was giving me, he "didn't draw enough out" was his words.

Now this was news to me as he hadn't mentioned anything about giving me only £40, so I asked him and his response was "I didn't want to let you down as I said I was giving you £50" 🤔 hmm...

My thoughts are, did he start to feel bad that he tried to short me when I offered him some money back so confessed? Or am I over thinking? I never count the money and I think he knows that because I trust him. Why would you draw short out the bank to begin with? He's usually on top of his finances with me.

What do you think ladies & gents?

Sorry to drip feed just trying to give you the whole scenario.

[Post edited by MNHQ]

OP posts:
Angelf1sh · 10/08/2017 13:33

Giving you less of a gift than initially advertised is not ripping you off. It's weird he didn't say it was £40, but as he didn't owe you £50 he wasn't doing you out of anything.

It sounds like you have trust issues as a couple though.

NotTheFordType · 10/08/2017 13:36

OP you may not be aware of this but the phrase "jip/gyp me" to refer to fraud/theft is racist, being used in the past to refer to gypsies.

as to your question, I wouldn't assume he was trying to short you unless he has form for it.

HerOtherHalf · 10/08/2017 13:50

He knew he was giving you £10 short and he was hoping you wouldn't notice. That seems cut and dried if the details you have provided are accurate. Strip out all the noise about what the money was for, who pays what to who and when etc and it boils down to do you want to be in a relationship with someone who would try and scam you? It may only be a tenner but it is not the amount that is important, it is the principle. Relationships need trust if they are to be successful and trust needs to be deserved.

golfin · 10/08/2017 14:15

However you look at it he did try and con you, even if he quickly regretted it. You are now aware he has that side to his personality, whilst you are someone who probably wouldn't dream of thinking that way even for a second. It's one of those moments when your view shifts slightly.

Original poster
Converseallstar · 10/08/2017 14:15

Nainer123 I guess so and I understand your point it's just because he never said, if he did I wouldn't of cared at all.

NotTheFordType I had literally no idea and that's the first time I have ever heard that. Thanks for bringing it to my attention.

Angelf1sh I have trust issues definitely. I'm currently undergoing CBT to try and work through them.

HerOtherHalf I today after. I spoke with a family member today and she advised I do the same back to him so he understands how it looks suspicious.

OP posts:
Original poster
Converseallstar · 10/08/2017 14:16

golfin EXACTLY!!

OP posts:
Original poster
Converseallstar · 10/08/2017 14:18

Thing is though wouldn't that side to his personality show in different areas of his life as well?

OP posts:
GloriaHotcakes · 10/08/2017 14:20

NotTheFord well done for pointing out the casual racism, I thought I was the only one who gave a fuck Flowers

Original poster
Converseallstar · 10/08/2017 14:21

Yes I've never seen him do this type of thing before. Although, before we met he was house sharing and some things of his went missing. He lived in a house with two grown men. He asked them both were his stuff had gone and no one admitted to it. On the day he moved out he stole some ps3 games from them, like to make up for his things that had gone missing. I wasn't impressed and it's stuck in my head ever since

OP posts:
sikedon · 10/08/2017 14:22

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Original poster
Converseallstar · 10/08/2017 14:22

Like I said I had no idea about the jip comment, genuinely. I apologise if I've offended anybody but it was an innocent mistake

OP posts:
Nainer123 · 10/08/2017 14:23

I'm playing devil's advocate here but it could be this-
Early morning, on way to work, nip to bank, not really thinking, take out 40 instead of 50 (maybe things on his mind about work ect)
Realised when he got in the car, thought shit, I'll just out it in her pocket, grab a tenner on the way home and give her it later, avoid any suspicion that it was deliberate ECT.
You were going to give him money back, thought fuck! Told you and now your suspicious.
Maybe he was just trying to avoid all of this but instead has caused it. Maybe he thought youd over react, you say yourself you have trust issues I don't know how these issues manifest themselves but maybe he was trying to avoid a drama and thought giving you the other 10 once he was back from work would save everyone a drama?
Just a thought?

Original poster
Converseallstar · 10/08/2017 14:26

Nainer123 sounds pretty legit

OP posts:
Original poster
Converseallstar · 10/08/2017 14:28

Said he overspent in the shop on his work food so that's how he became short

OP posts:
PuppyMonkey · 10/08/2017 14:30

I think your use of the words "conning me" and "cheating me" are a bit strong having read that he offered to pay some money towards something he really didn't have to in the first place. Confused

I find it a tad cringey that you're chasing him up and giving him deadlines and questioning him about it. Maybe I'm just a pushover.

Original poster
Converseallstar · 10/08/2017 14:34

PuppyMonkey nope! Completely have me wrong. I am so laid back with money, he offered to pay half as part of a gift, OFFERED. Yeah I understand he didn't have to, I didn't say he did. It was his decision in the first place. I was happy to save.

I'm not chasing him up or giving him deadlines about it. It's the LIE I can't be doing with. Making me believe something that isn't true,

OP posts:
PuppyMonkey · 10/08/2017 14:36

But you said you brought it up again when you rang him? Smile

Original poster
Converseallstar · 10/08/2017 14:36

I'm a very down to earth person, I'm happy as long as people are straight with me, I don't care if the truth hurts, I'd rather be hurt by being honest than a lie. He knows how laid back I am, hence why I never count any money I receive from him, or family.

OP posts:
golfin · 10/08/2017 14:36

Had a neighbour like this, we were discussing how the local shop ripped you off sometimes, he said he never complained, just stole something occasionally to make up for it. I was like Shock

He was slightly devious in other areas too, "What she doesn't know won't her " sort of thing about his wife. At the same time he was very likable, just a bit of a law unto himself.

Original poster
Converseallstar · 10/08/2017 14:38

golfin funny that, my OH is very likeable too... only time will tell eh. No wonder I have fucking twist issues 😂😂

OP posts:
Original poster
Converseallstar · 10/08/2017 14:38

Trust*

OP posts:
Original poster
Converseallstar · 10/08/2017 14:41

PuppyMonkey sorry I thought you meant chasing him for the money, of course I brought it up again, I had a horrible 'pits' and 'disappointing' feeling in my tummy I couldn't budge

OP posts:
MNHQ
YetAnotherBeckyMumsnet · 10/08/2017 14:58

Hi OP, we've made a small edit to your first post as many MNers reported it for using an offensive term.

Original poster
Converseallstar · 10/08/2017 15:12

That's absolutely fine. Again I wasn't aware it was an offensive word.

OP posts:
splatattack · 10/08/2017 15:25

I'm confused...he offered to pay for your screen because you couldn't afford it...but then you paid for it out of your money and he is paying you back in instalments as a gift? So since you paid it anyway clearly you have the money to do so...he doesn't because he has to pay you bit by bit?

Yes, you are being completely unreasonable...who accepts a gift like that from someone who can't afford it? And if they insist on doing it, who chases them up for £10 missed? I think the issue is you not him...

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