Leaving isn't an option. What do I do?

[Spuddington]

I don't have the money to leave. I can barely afford to feed DD some weeks. I can't afford to leave, I'd have nowhere to live.

DH says I'm a fat fucking ugly bitch, he wants to have an affair and he wishes I were dead.

Like I said I can't leave. How the hell do I get through this.

Do you pay him rent or where is all your wages going that you can't afford food? I ask because sitting down and going through your finances might be of benefit and help you find a way out quicker (although ringing women's aid and getting a place in a refuge asap as pp have suggested is a good idea, but if you don't want to do that)

Stop paying him any money and buying his food, save up, get out. Why would you buy him food and not feed yourself?

I pay for food, anything DD needs and nursery fees. I earn minimum wage.

Go to a Women's Aid Refuge. Will cost you zero and you don't need to take anything besides a few clothes x

Spuddington, how many hours a week do you work and are you in an isolated part of the country with no jobs locally or a town/city? If you are working full time for

I can see how with £7 in the bank you feel you can't just walk out, so I'm not going to debate with you about that. However, although your husband is an utter cunt, you are NOT trapped - you are a strong and resourceful woman who has the power to change her situation.

Firstly, make sure that you are getting everything you are entitled to: www.gov.uk/benefits-calculators

Secondly, it's the 10th of August. What can you do by the 10th of September to improve your monthly income?

What are your skills now? Did you go to uni? What do you LIKE? Do you have any office skills? A job in an office would pay more than you are earning right now and working days would be better for your daughter anyway.

If you have any skills that you could build on, do it now, for your daughter. There are many online (and face to face) courses that you could do to get certification in different areas to boost what you have already and make you more appealing to a better employer.

You don't have to become a Bitcoin guru or a radiologist in 4 weeks - you could take in ironing, slot some hours doing cleaning in around nursery - anything to build up your weekly earnings so that you don't have £7 in your account this time next month, but £100, or £250. If you were able to increase your earnings by £75 a week (7 or 8 hours of cleaning would get you that), you could have another £25 for food during the week, and £50 to squirrel away and you'd have £1000 by Christmas.

If you have a bank account and payslips showing continuous earnings and savings for three months, and £1000 for a deposit (assuming you're not in London!) you could get a flat for you and your daughter and start divorce proceedings.

So that's four tasks:

Find out what you could be getting from the government to ease the pressure slightly.

Get a better job, and see what you can do to "upskill" yourself (Udemy has a bewildering number of courses to train in mainstream office skills, for instance - take a look - when you sign in the courses are all much cheaper).

Try to increase your income by £75 a week through some kind of nixer (or the better job) and start putting £50 a week into a secret bank account that your husband doesn't know about.

Get out by Christmas.

OP you deserve so much better for you and your little one. I wish there was some way of getting you through this and helping you see how strong you are.
I had a friend in very similar circumstances to you, the only difference was he was physically abusive too.
This friend wasn't from this country, had no family in the country, 2 children, a controlling abusive husband who used to threaten her with alsorts. He took control of finances, he even had the childrens money paid into his account so she wouldn't be able to take them. He too used to tell her she repulsed him and he should have an affair but he was a good husband and his loyalty to her should be appreciated. Oh I fkn hate that bloke for making me lose my best friend and them kids!! For what he did to her!! For all of it.
She took it for 10 years - her 2 children suffered tremendous self esteem issues and behavioural issues as the witnessed it for so long.. One day, she knew she would be better off anywhere other than there with her children no matter what she had to go through.
She rang woman's aid. Within 24 hours she was in a refuge. Within 48 hours she had been given all the assistance she needed to sort out her finances etc, within 7 days she was given legal advice regarding divorce. It wasn't easy, but 2 years on she is out of it. She is back where she belongs, in her home country with all of the family she left behind, her children are happy and healthy and she is smiling - not the fake smile she used to paint on, the real thing. And I hope so wholeheartedly that you get your happy too xxx

Have tried to have an adult discussion tonight about how I want to leave.

He's sitting on the floor crying hysterically.

He's now upstairs crying hysterically.

He says I'm abusing him. That I twist his words and there's something wrong with me because I'm just sitting here quietly.

Crying hysterically. ... what did he expect calling you horrid names that you'd hug him and love him more???
Tell him to give you more money. It's his daughter too.
Stay strong! You can do this.

You will be better if without him. My mum used to work with women in similar situations to you op.
The man makes you feel as though you can't leave, he leaves you with very little money and with no claim to your home. I believe in court that contract means fuck all especially if you can prove you've paid for everything and he's kept money from you.
Start to apply for benefits now and go to a refuge. You'll be much better off money wise as you'll have benefits and also the maintenance from dickhead. You'll also be away from him and your DD won't be learning that this is an acceptable relationship. You will eventually be housed, in a home that's your own AND eventually half the martial assets will be yours too. You'll then maybe even enough for a deposit on your own house and you can be free and happy!!!

He came down again. Tried talking. He's stormed off out somewhere because he apparently hates me.

He doesn't hate you. He hates himself. With good reason too, it appears.

Just remember you have done nothing wrong at all. He will be doing all he can to try and hurt you and regain control. Please stay safe, keep talking to us if you need to. Xx

Anyone who calls you the horrible names you described in your OP does not love you and does not deserve you. I hope you're OK and safe.

Without seeing the document you signed its difficult to be certain, BUT, in all probability the document you signed was intended to benefit the mortgage provider in the event that, as you say, he (your DH or DP) stopped paying the mortgage. The mortgage provider would not want you refusing to leave the property should they want to re-possess it and sell. You really do need to see a family law solicitor.