I am trapped in my marriage

[blackberrypickinginaugust]

My children mean the WORLD to me.

I cannot bear to think of them having EOW and evenings. More than that I don't feel it is safe.

I'm trying to wait it out until the youngest starts secondary. She is only 2 so I have a long wait!

What's stopping you contact? What do you think he will do with contact?

I know AF, hope it didn't come.over harshly.

Quartz it is anybody's guess. Things from years ago sometimes come.back to me. He shagged a 17 yo once and boasted to me about various stuff I won't go into. And he twists and manipulates
Used to lock me in his flat and then have me begging forgiveness for wanting to go outside. Hit me and had me thinking it was me.

You are not harsh. Your friends just don't get it because they are not in your shoes. X

Have you made contact with your local refuge? Do they do outreach? You've got a lot to process.

OP I've investigated DV where the victim had left the suspect with her children and was living in another part of the city. I worked alongside SS and basically advised the ASW I didn't want the suspect to have any access until such time as the investigation was complete - the SS were happy to " blame" the police to him. He never went to court to challenge that which he could have done. I appreciate that you have arrangements to make but I would,personally struggle to justify your remaining in an abusive relationship despite knowing the damage that it is causing to your children ( to their brain development). I can sympathise if you're frightened I understand that but remaining because you don't wish to leave your animals is an alarming comment - that indicates a parent who is not protective IMO. I'm not trying to frighten you I'm trying to show you the attitude the authorities may have if you continue within this relationship in the long term.

My husband would go to court.

I know you are trying to help but 'threatening' me with SS isn't helpful and isnt the case.

Have you ever involved the police, doctors or health visitors for any of the abuse? My initial advice would be to start to do that if you haven't. Confide in outside agencies, especially if you're worried about the children if/when you separate. If you do spilt, and it goes to court they will want hard evidence of your concerns and who you reported these to, with dates and outcomes. Otherwise you could be making everything up (in their eyes).
It will be tough if you split, and you do run the risk of your relationships with your children being tricky. However if you don't leave, this won't be a risk, it will be inevitable, as they continue to witness his treatment of you.
I would do what someone else suggested and just think about possibilities to start with. Confide in friends and professionals as much as you can. Start believing that a change is possible.

Keep talking to us OP. This is really hard, but you can do it.