Anyone else have NO family support?

[OhHolyFuck]

And how do you cope? And not feel jealous of those who do?
I'm NC with my parents for various reasons and ex-dps parents have passed away, no other family on either side...

You just have to, unfortunately. I get the jealousy of others with decent parents but there's no point in ruminating on it.

Think of how much nicer life is without your family rather than imagining how it might have been if they were decent people.

It's not easy and I have days where I feel bitter rage.

Yes, us.

We are fine. It's what we've always had I guess so nothing to compare it to.

Voluntarily NC so for us we appreciate the freedom and truthfulness we have in the way we can run our lives and our family in a way we're happy with.

I imagine it is tougher for those who have lost parents/family that they felt WERE real family and people they would have chosen to be close to.

Us. Through bereavement and distance.

Yeah I have gone through bouts of searing jealousy when listening to people who seem to essentially co-parent with numerous grandparents and uncles and aunts.

When they say "DH and I hardly ever get to have a date night, it must be almost two months since the last one OMG".

Oh and the people who bring their DM or MIL on holiday to Tenereife with them for "an extra pair of hands".

Or the ones who say "I have to go to the dentist so I'm dropping the kids off at Nana's on the way"

I mean, I'm just sat there like

Same here. We are overseas. No family, no cleaner, no au pair etc.

It can be tough but I'm used to it. My kids are both in school now which helps but we don't get many night outs and I have to schedule dentists etc to a school day. I work only 3 days which help as I have time in the week to shop, do housework and run errands. How do you cope OP?

Yep me! DP works long hours and away sometimes, all other family are a plane journey away and we moved to a new area recently, so no close friends. We do have a cleaner though. Planning another baby soon as well, so I'm considering an au pair.

Ex-dp and I always worked our shifts round each other which although saved money in childcare was probably a contributory factor to us splitting up, we literally didn't have any time alone or 'off' in 5 years

Ds2 starts school in September and I feel both giddy and panicked about that amount of time on my own (I work evenings and nights) because I've done literally everything with at least one child in tow the last 7 years, regardless of how difficult or awkward that has been - even had ds2 at home because there was no one to watch DS1

I just feel sad that there are no other adults in my children's life that love them and that every adult that spends time with them is because I pay them or it's their job

I understand how you feel. My DD has 1 grandparent who is interested, but will probably only see her 3-4 times a year. I'd love to have relatives nearby, so DD would grow up with a family. I have no siblings, so no cousins either.

We cope because we have to OP.

I'm usually ok - the one time it really got to me was at the airport, taking my DCs on holiday and everyone else was with families with a partner.

I permanently try to compensate for the disinterest of their DF, GPS (both sides), Aunties. Their family on XHs side live 25 minutes away. They see them birthdays and Xmas and have never once been invited to spend time with them there. Never slept over at GPs.

It's really hard, but the DCs know they are loved to their cores. It might only be me showing it, but they are secure and emotionally stable (I think).

It's pretty shit, an awful lot of responsibility, and not letting the cracks show is hard. Mine are teens now, so different pressures. But also the reward of seeing the young adults they are becoming, and it's making it all worthwhile.

We also cope. We also live overseas. dh is away a lot. We are very routined. We only do things I know I can get the boys to and from ( although friends help out). I find it hard when my parents come over and visit. !!

I think that's key - building up a circle of friends. It means going out of our way to help others, and it's returned. It's often easier to have other children over, so mine are occupied, so I'll often offer to help other with childcare.

We have absolutely no support. DH and I work opposite shifts to avoid childcare. Plus one of our children is severely disabled so childcare for him is difficult to come by and very expensive.

It really sucks, especially during the holidays or on special occasions when we have no one to visit, no grandparents or aunties and uncles to care about our DC, no nice days out with family. We do have friends of course but it's not the same.

Your sentence about being sad that the only adults in your children's lives are there because you pay them or it's their job completely summed up my feelings.

I am a lone parent, my family abroad. I work full time and have an aupair. My lifestyle is military , everything's and everyone's under a strict routine but that way I have time to spend with my boyfriend. Works well.

We have 3 children, now all in school, but have never had family support. We live overseas from one side, and hundreds of miles away from the other side. And when the first one, and then two, were very young, my DH used to travel overseas a lot for his job. You just have to get on with it, I'm afraid.

I strongly recommend playgroups if there are any in your area you can attend regularly and make local friends.

My dc have no gps or other relatives.

The way I see it I can enjoy them without having to share them with undesirable people!!
No regrets.

We have pretty much zero support. We live abroad so my family are in the UK. My parents come over around once a year, for two weeks.

DH's family are either too busy with their own kids, and his dad simply would rather do other stuff, and he lives three hours drive away anyway.

It's tough.

If I have an appointment that has to be child free for example, DH has to take the day off work.

We never get a break really, it's relentless. I'd give anything for a regular homemade Sunday dinner for example! I. E. Made by someone else.

Who do you put down as "emergency contacts" for childcare and school?

I am going to have to put friends down

There's only me otherwise and. I can't be contacted for any reason it leaves no one else

I don't think it's that uncommon, especially physical support - actually being there to help with kids etc. I've found the lack of emotional support more difficult - when my marriage split up I weirdly got the most support from my dad's second wife over the phone, just about nothing from other family members as we have been too far apart too long.

I think it's important to use other sources of support - your doctor, neighbours, acquaintances, friends; even if you are not naturally an outgoing person you still have to look outwards as otherwise you're doing yourself no favours. It is hard, though, as you don't want to be a burden on others.

Yes, us.
A long time ago i moved far from my family as a strategy, so as it's a choice I feel good about it.

I have no family due to bereavements, fil passed away along time ago, and mil is in her mid-80s. I only have one child and it will be staying that way because I am too exhausted to even think about having another.

DH's parents are dead and mine are happy to visit/be visited but will not provide any childcare unless under duress. I have to attend a parenting course for 10 sessions and DH can't get all the time we need off. I had to beg them to help, the only reason they said yes was because I said I'd need to use a childminder. They don't like childminders and essentially think all childcare should be done by the parent. Because that is what they did. They also live a good hour away.
It sucks. Like someone said, I look forward to being cooked for when we visit rarely. If if it's egg on toast.
There is DH's auntie who picks and chooses whether we are part of her family. We'd rather not DD get close to her because it will be upsetting for DD if she turns on her like she does us on a regular basis.

I don't have no support from either side of my family. DC only have me and each other. no visiting family or gatherings, they get upset on the birthdays and xmas when no one visits.
people say 'if they don't have it, they wont miss it'' but they do get upset and ask where is everyone? or why we don't visit anyone.

last xmas eve I walked past a house (neighbours) whos dinner table had been set up ready for family and friends xmas dinner - It got me so low, I felt like a knife went through me. id love for my dc to have this occasion. for other people to care about them and love them also. its so lonely sometimes.

Me. All family are a long way away and DH is always 'working'.
It's very hard - friends are key

I use a friend as an emergency number for schools. She has her own little family and her extended family all live within an hours drive. They all support each other with us great but Christmas Eve we spend just our two little families together. It's great.
Birthdays are spent with friends. Having fun😃

As they get older it gets easier, sports, activities, school etc. it will be ok

it's just me and my DS - my own family are toxic, those who are OK are miles away.

Enjoy your new time to yourself!! Make good use of it!

Very little family support (only one set of grandparents 250 miles away, all siblings over 100 miles away) but friends have been key - we only have one DD, but most of our friends have few relatives nearby, and have relied on one another when a second child has come along. I've had to accompany DH to A&E when he was too ill to recall what medication he'd had when; I was very glad to have friends who could care for DD then. DD does have a good number of adults in her life who aren't paid to be there or related.

We put a friend down as third contact for DD at school - we can't be that unusual in doing so.