New relationship and drinking

[debbs77]

Evening all!

I've recently started seeing someone and he is absolutely lovely. Genuinely ticks all my boxes.

My problem is that he drinks to excess a lot. Which in itself isn't MY problem, I don't have a say in how he spends his spare time. But my concern and frustration is that his parents died young (59 and 62). So he potentially could too and he is now 45.

Do I want to be with someone who has such little regard for their own health, possibly knowing they'll die young?

If he's an alcoholic proper no consequence will put him off. Not cancer or a slow lingering death. He'd walk over burning coals to get to his lover, his wife: his beloved booze.

AA is pretty awesome. Just saying.

www.bhf.org.uk/heart-health/preventing-heart-disease/alcohol

Binge drinking, such as drinking those two/three bottles at the wedding, is strongly associated with irregular heart patterns and disease- and people who have it are told to stop drinking.

He's had surgery to help this and still won't stop drinking. He definitely does have an alcohol problem, because despite health effects, he's not going to stop.

Thanks everyone for your replies .

He is already minimising his behaviour by saying it has only be higher limits on drinking due to days off and the wedding and that he won't drink tonight or tomorrow as he is at work.

But in the month I've known him there have been numerous nights of getting hammered, PLUS the nights of a bottle at home on quiet evenings.

Feeling so gutted though xxx

It is hard. I gave my ex another chance and he said virtually the same. But then it carried on and I didn't see him go a day without drink so I ended it for good

Such a shame isn't it.

Even if he did say he would stop, we don't live together so I would never really know. So then the trust is broken anyway.

So frustrating. I finally found a nice guy!

I don't know if he is an alcoholic but he sounds like he has an alcohol dependency. As someone who grew up with a functioning alcoholic (2 bottles of wine a night) but managed to build a very successful business, they are not easy to live with. Alcohol always comes first. My father still drinks every night to excess, rarely has days off. It affects his energy now he is older, he doesn't sleep well etc.

I also left a functioning alcoholic 6 months ago. He can get up every morning and function, but his moods are foul, and everything revolved around making sure he could have a drink at some point during the evening. He was done for drink driving, and eventually alcohol became more important than me. I brought it up a few years ago, he started hiding alcohol. He won't say he has a problem, and that in itself was the problem. I also have a few friends who have had similar issues, in the end, it causes a lot of heartache.

The wedding as an isolated incident wouldn't cause me concern, its the every night thing you mentioned, plus the bingeing. When he drinks it might not be an issue, but it does start to take over daily life and thoughts. You have don't the right thing, hard as it might seem.

I would avoid now anyone who drinks and seems to have a dependency on it now. Its too much and the alcohol always wins. I'd chose a dope smoker over an alcoholic any day.

So many people on here being understanding.....thank you!

Some day I might find someone! Not interested for a long time yet though, he has knocked me for six x

I don't know if he is an alcoholic but he sounds like he has an alcohol dependency.

Erm... Someone who is alcohol dependent is an alcoholic. Just saying

* UPDATE *

So , we had a chat about my concerns and he agreed his drinking was excessive and that he would cut back at weekends etc. Agreed to give it another go.

Tonight he was supposed to come round but has been in bed poorly all day with the lurgy. So said he wouldn't be able to come round tonight after all. No problem, I don't want to catch it!

Texting me during the evening to ask how I am etc. Then he accidentally WhatsApp calls me.........very evidently in a pub......can hear him talking and his conversation!!!!

I text to ask how he is going and what he is up to.....says he is in bed feeling rough.

I call......rings out.

He is now officially deleted and blocked. Twat

Alcoholic!

See that's the shit you get when in a relationship with someone in active addiction.

Sorry op

So frustrating. I finally found a nice guy!

No you didnt. You dodged a bullet.

Well done.

Sorry debbs

I actually feel relieved now. Back to concentrating on just me and my babies!