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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Tell me what your lovely partner does that makes you love them

85 replies

libbyliz83 · 05/08/2017 01:15

I have only had three serious relationships, they all failed dismally and I've been single for two years. I'm quite convinced that I'll become a crazy cat lady but secretly I long to be loved. However....all I read on here is tales of controlling, abusive, belittling, cheating and non-trustworthy partners. Surely there will be some good ones out there?

Tell me a little something about your partner that will make me believe in relationships again.

OP posts:
Dowser · 06/08/2017 11:22

About an hour ago, I mentioned that the sole was coming off my fave boots.
Just passed the kitchen and there he was gluing it on with a hot glue gun.

Aww!
The artful bodger in me would've taken super glue to it!

annandale · 06/08/2017 11:39

'On one of our first dates he unblocked the septic tank'
Bloody hell I'd have married him on the spot!

He pays attention and always knows when and why I am upset or worried.

He knows when I am premenstrual (but never mentions it until afterwards)

He always makes the coffee, and nearly always does a cooked breakfast for me on a work day

He maintains my bike so I don't have to think about it (and i cycle to work so I should look after it)

He's incredibly thoughtful in the sack, it has taken a while and things aren't perfect but sex life is better than ever for me

He was brought up in quite a racist, generally prejudiced household but absolutely refuses to accept any of it now

He just adores us and does his very best for us every day; I often wish his best was different but I can't deny what he does.

WhateverNameIsStillAvailable · 06/08/2017 12:42

We've been together over 10 years have two dc's and do have our ups and downs.

The little things: when I'm cold he'll get me something warm or light the fire, always tells me how beautiful I am, makes me smile when I'm sad, tickles me...
Last night sitting outside at a campfire, the kids in the tent and I told him I feel like crying I'm that happy. We went to the beach in the morning, had a bbq after, then settled the kids in the tent in OUR GARDEN and had a couple drinks by a campfire he had made me and I told him this day was pure perfection to me and he said " that just shows me that I've asked the perfect girl to marry me!"
It's moments like this in a hectic chaotic up and down life with 2 young kids where I know we're still in love.

newsparklylife · 06/08/2017 14:18

I am 4.5 months into a new relationship after a 21 year abusive marriage so it is really lovely reading all your lovely partners and what they do Smile

I've never had anyone that I could say something nice about so really wanted to post on here!!!
My partners

Gives me lots of cuddles, he'll kiss me on my head if he walks past.
I work from home (he isn't working at the moment due to ill health) and he keeps me going with cups of tea and makes me food
He feeds me chocolate Grin
He does household chores without being asked (we don't live together but he spends a lot of time here), he'll do any household chore if he is asked (and will generally do it when asked!)
He is great with my son
He can mend stuff and knows IT stuff which is great because I don't and I'm rubbish.

arnoldbarnacles · 06/08/2017 14:23

My DP needs to seriously up his game...

tigercub50 · 06/08/2017 15:03

I actually find this really hard to read because I have been focusing on the negative stuff for so long. I think we both need to start looking at the positives. We have had a lot of problems ( some external to our relationship) & have been under a great deal of stress at times. Sometimes I am surprised we made it to 15 years of marriage! He can be romantic but has never been one for big speeches or gestures. I think he would arrange weekends away, buy gifts on impulse etc if we were better off ( money has been a major source of stress). He tends to show his love in other ways. He is always very physically affectionate & always has my back. There are things like offering to finish work early so that I could go to my karate class. That's a biggy as it means he earns less but he knows how important that me time is to me. I was borderline alcoholic & he quit drinking when I did. Cuppa every morning. Ringing when he has a gap at work to see if I & DD are ok. He makes mistakes with parenting, as we all do, but I can see how hard he's trying to get closer to DD. She went through a phase of wanting to hide away & without saying anything, he went online & researched some bed canopies where you can draw the curtains around you. He has also tried really hard to improve his behaviour towards me & worked on his anger. The house is much calmly generally now. He makes me laugh every day, sometimes to the point of pain! He loves my silliness & childlike qualities & I love him for letting me be myself. I definitely view the world slightly differently to other people & previous partners haven't really "got me". I wasn't going to say but it is mind blowing in bed!! He's also a great cook. He has made family members really special birthday cakes & put a lot of thought into the details. He's very good when I'm ill & as I can get a bit hysterical in the wee small hours, thinking I've got meningitis or I'm having a heart attack, is very good at calming me down! Just need to work on foot rubs/ massages! 🙂

ShelaghTurner · 06/08/2017 15:08

Cup of tea in bed every single morning. And he’s currently painting the stairs even though he’s rubbish at DIY and he hates it. But he’s trying because I’ve been painting everything else and am knackered.

BingoFlamingos · 06/08/2017 15:16

My DP let me sleep this morning, and it was amazing. My pregnancy is awful, and I've been so ill, so he's made me snacks I could eat. He grabs me a Starbucks and a croissant to eat in the car if I've got a big day.
He's annoying and a bit grumpy sometimes and I don't want to suggest I live in a fairytale.

ShelaghTurner · 06/08/2017 15:16

And the biggest sacrifice of all, he wiped my backside during labour with DD1 when the midwife wasnt in the room and he has never mentioned it since Grin

tigercub50 · 06/08/2017 15:17

Calmer not calmly lol

BLACKTUESDAY1 · 06/08/2017 15:22

My DH agreed to me quitting a job I hated without another one to go to and himself has taken on a second job to help us get by. I love him for that

Njordsgrrrl · 06/08/2017 15:32

Too many to list but making me laugh, challenging intellectually and being enchanted by the trivia of my life are up there 😍

Original poster
libbyliz83 · 06/08/2017 18:12

tigercub50 I hope listing all that positive has helped Smile

ShelaghTurner Grin You win!!

OP posts:
Persemillion · 06/08/2017 19:44

He reads my mind.

boddtm · 06/08/2017 20:39

He works his backside off for me and the kids and still pitches in when home.
He supported me leaving a very good job but with high stress to try self employment 4 years ago. It worked and I will always be grateful for his encouragement to pursue what was a dream of mine and is now a reality.
He strokes my hair when I can't sleep
He makes me a better person
There's so much more than this, but if I had to explain all our 'in' jokes and things, I'd probably end up being committed!

JK1773 · 06/08/2017 22:23

Mines just back from a week away with his DC and DM. Didn't really hear from him all week, (didn't expect or need to). Ran to see me today, just lovely afternoon. Didn't realise how much I missed until right then. Loads

Imbeingunreasonable · 06/08/2017 22:52

All three things people are writing are amazing. Thsee are the little things I think of when I think I want a relationship. When I tried to say this to my ex he said I was looking for "fairytale crap" or that that stuff only happened in books or movies. From reading your responses I think, no, I KNOW he was wrong, wasn't he?

Libby- my ex said the same thing and that it's all fakery. Hence he's my ex. I would kill for little tiny bit you lot have posted on this thread.

grobagsforever · 06/08/2017 23:05

Listens to me talk about my dead husband when I need to.

Doesn't freak out at the endless awkward situations being in a relationship with a young widow causes.

Absolute respect for my boundaries and needs.

Lovedlost · 07/08/2017 00:42

Tolerates my illness.
Loves me regardless.
Tells me what I do to make him happy.
Treats my children as his own.
Shares my unusual humor.
Treats me as his equal.

lubeybooby · 07/08/2017 01:11

he looks after me when im ill and when I'm not
treats me as an equal, respects me, respects women in general
generous, affectionate, kind, thoughtful
does his share of everything with a smile and no delay
excellent cuddler

Valentine2 · 07/08/2017 01:19

DH gives me all sorts of treats. Just random stuff that I feel attracted to. He knows I will move on to something new soon but still keeps doing it after all those years. Very generous of heart. i think he will give the world to me if he got a chance so I am happy with him. Smile

Original poster
libbyliz83 · 07/08/2017 01:57

Imbeingunreasonable thank you for understanding Smile

OP posts:
Original poster
libbyliz83 · 07/08/2017 02:00

Imbeingunreasonable it can be hard to read this for people like usome but I hope you're taking it the way I wanted to and giving you hope that we may (long shot) be able to meet someone one day.

OP posts:
whyareusernamessodifficult · 07/08/2017 02:13

I think I could spend hours listing the thing I love about my dp.

I love how much he adores being a father - even the boring bits.
I love my mil and how she's practically adopted me.
I love that he tries to learn my first language and that he already speaks 3 languages.
I love that he's so happy in the morning and gets up and makes breakfast even when I'm being a grouch.
I love that he'll talk to me and stroke my hair until I fall asleep when my anxiety is keeping me awake.
I love that when he's working abroad he'll phone me every night before i go to bed no matter the time difference.
I love that everyone who knows him thinks he a sweetheart.
I love when he sings musicals off key in the shower.
I love that he's not hard to look at

Most of all I love all the little things that don't just remind me why I fell in love with him but why he's been my best friends since we were teenagers.

Imbeingunreasonable · 07/08/2017 06:42

libby I'm taking it as these are excellent examples of how I want to be treated in my next relationship if I dare ever enter one again. 5 years starved of all this stuff mentioned and here was me thinking it was normal for a guy to do these things for his woman only to be told on multiple occasions 'it's all fake and bullshit'. He's my ex as of yesterday.

This thread gives me hope that good blokes who aren't selfish do really exist. No, it's not normal to always put yourself first in a relationship but that's what ex did and I got used to it. Thanks for showing me how different things can be with this thread.