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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

Need someone elses views on neighbour

77 replies

seaurchin2016 · 03/08/2017 04:18

Neighbours next door are same age as us- middle aged. He has a very bad anger management problem. At first they were sort of okay. then they starting ignoring us. Next they avoided us. Then we heard nasty one word comments over the fence. We tried to speak to them but they became aggressive and ordered us off their property- we left. the woman now peers through the curtains at us or looks at us at every opportunity and quickly closes the curtains. The man watches us when we are in the garden. We can see their profiles behind the curtains. Sometimes she stands in the window of her home and is obviously mouthing off to us. The other neighbours are friendly. We are not noisy, we go about our own business but consider others, other neighbours are fine with us. but every time we go into the garden or out in the car they are watching us. We have never seen them smile. We are not nosey and go out of our way to not look in their direction in order to keep the peace. If I do something in the garden they copy. When she does the front garden and we are going out in the car she will stand with arms folded and try to stare us out. If we stop and go towards her she quickly dashes inside the house or around the corner.
Any ideas as to what is going on with this one? It's got me beat!

OP posts:

bimbobaggins · 06/08/2017 14:04

I disagree with people saying kill with kindness,wave etc. If anyone is that rude to me I certainly wouldn't be falling over myself trying to be nice to them. Just ignore them . Act as if they don't exist. And develope your own death stare

Original poster

seaurchin2016 · 24/08/2017 02:35

New development- he is now throwing bird seed around his garden. He has a big container full of bird seed with a scoop in it. He gets a scoop full of seed and throws it around his garden loose. It is attracting rats, squirrels and pigeons but no-one can talk to him about it because he gets unreasonably angry. The squirrels do a lot of damage to our garden.
Is this normal behaviour?
Does anyone know what he is doing it for?
We have heard him call us "nutters" !

OP posts:

Bimbop5 · 24/08/2017 02:58

No that is not normal behaviour. I think they are angry with you because of the compliants about leaving food out. I think they have nothing better to do in their lives and rage about it. They are unreasonable. Don't get into a discussion with them at this point. Sounds like bylaw control needs to pay a visit, sorry I'm in Canada, I'm not sure what it is called there....

thecatneuterer · 24/08/2017 16:26

Or may be he is feeding the birds with bird seed? That's normally the point of bird seed and we are all being encouraged to help garden birds, many of which are dying out.

BMW6 · 24/08/2017 20:53

Nutters. Ignore them but ring the Council again re their rat feeding activities.

Haffiana · 24/08/2017 21:38

Maybe they love all animals including squirrels, enjoy feeding birds with bird seed and fat balls (as do many, many perfectly normal people) and consider you mad, obsessive rat-murderers. Maybe they consider that you leaving poison out is irresponsible since you have no idea what will be killed by it. Maybe they consider that there are no cats/foxes because they are being poisoned by you, directly or indirectly?

CockacidalManiac · 24/08/2017 23:20

You really can't win with nutty neighbours, there's no real cure for this low level unpleasantness. They're probably inadequates bonded into some weird 'Edward and Tubbs' us-against-the-world thing.

Original poster

seaurchin2016 · 24/08/2017 23:46

Catneuterer: The point of bird seed is to feed the birds you are right but how can you explain the massive amount of bird seed I found in the rats nest by the fence and the tunnel coming from their garden? I suppose the birds put it there! Yes birds are dying out but would you like rats in your garden? We are talking families of rats here.

OP posts:

WTAAF · 24/08/2017 23:49

Just put the necessary rat poisons and traps down in your garden discreetly, and keep some form of pest control system running constantly on your property. Let him have a garden full of rats if he likes!

Original poster

seaurchin2016 · 24/08/2017 23:53

Haffiana: For your info we have lots of cats and foxes and they are all still alive. The poison we put down to kill the many families of rats we put in the numerous tunnels and nests created by the vermin. I doubt whether you would like rats in your garden , near your children whilst they are playing. Let us not forget Haffiana that rats are disease ridden and are classed by the majority as vermin. I do not wish to sit in my garden which by the way I have a right to do - and be possibly bitten by a rat and end up in hospital with a disease from it. If you like rats send me your address and I'll arrange for a rat catcher to catch the furries and transport them to your house. By the way this service is free of charge!

OP posts:

Original poster

seaurchin2016 · 25/08/2017 00:03

WTAAF: If we put rat poison down in the tunnels which are only wide enough for rats- (we dig a hole into the tunnel and drop the rat poison in and cover it up) will it stop rats from invading our garden? If so then we'll keep doing this. We don't really want to get into an argument with our neighbour as they are very aggressive. As you can see from some posters on here some people insist on feeding birds but I wonder what they would do if they were over run with rats. The two don't go together, especially when they throw bird seed all along the shared fence. If they had feeders that caught the seed it might help but the rats around here climb fences, chew holes in the bottom of the fences and they come dangerously near the house.

OP posts:

user1488575338 · 25/08/2017 00:08

You said earlier you don't have cats and foxes near you . It's not ideal to have rats in the garden but they are better there then in the house. Not sure how you are going to sort this issue out, your neighbours clearly like wildlife.

Gingernaut · 25/08/2017 00:24

Or may be he is feeding the birds with bird seed? That's normally the point of bird seed and we are all being encouraged to help garden birds, many of which are dying out.

Yes. However, responsible householders and neighbours know not to just scatter food around without taking rat precautions.

There are responsible ways of feeding the birds without feeding vermin.

endehors · 25/08/2017 00:44

we put rat poison down in the tunnels which are only wide enough for rats-we dig a hole into the tunnel and drop the rat poison in and cover it up)

The tunnel might be wide enough only for rats, but they will come out again. Did you think the poison killed them instantly? You would be better with a trap for outdoors. It's a little more responsible, as you need to consider the other wildlife and cats.

endehors · 25/08/2017 00:48

Haffiana: For your info we have lots of cats and foxes and they are all still alive

All of them . You can't possibly know that!

I'm beginning to think there might be another side to this story...

HeebieJeebies456 · 25/08/2017 00:56

doesn't sound like racism to me.....more like they have serious mental health issues.
It also sounds like they are the type of people to only befriend people who are of some use to them/don't speak up.

i had a weird ex neighbour who behaved similar, he'd also question my friends as they were leaving my flat
I had a bbq for my birthday in the communal garden, he was out from early am and didn't have a clue.
He comes home at 11.30pm, see's us doing the final bits of cleaning up.....and decides to take 10 minutes 'hanging the tea towel' on the line
If he'd known about the bbq he would have sat in the communal garden 3 feet away watching and listening, complaining that we were getting smoke on his tea towel/noisy. He would have insisted on getting names/occupation/relationship to me info from every individual - and then caused even more drama when we didn't do as he told

I think the best way is to either act like they're not there/can't see them, or give them a big cheery smile and wave and make as if you're about to walk up to them - every time

HeebieJeebies456 · 25/08/2017 01:01

Sorry - but when it's rats and it's in MY back yard, i'll use the most effective and quickest method possible.

my cats bring in field mice who i promptly chuck out of the window....because i know the gulls on the roof will swoop down within minutes and take it.
I get foxes pooping in my garden.
So far i have been mindful of my 'neighbours'.
If i see one single rat it's getting nuked and so are it's relatives!

WTAAF · 25/08/2017 04:12

Just look on Amazon for humane rat traps if you're worried about other wildlife. Another 'safe' trap (might very well get flamed here) is one with a bucket - just Google something like 'rat bucket trap' and it should come straight up. Or you can buy old fashioned spring traps, but they're in enclosed boxes so no other pets can get in. Searching 'rat trap' on amazon will help. Poison is probably the option I'd be least likely to use.

Do whatever you need to clear your garden. I actually quite like rats. I think they're cute. I do NOT think Wiles disease (if I spelt that right) is cute though and wouldn't take the risk ever.

GarkandGookin · 25/08/2017 10:18

They sound like our old neighbours (we moved in the end). They used to stand in the bedroom window and stare at us in the garden. He used to sleep in the garden in the summer and would go into the house in the early hours (I assume for a wee) and slam the back door on the way in, and on the way back out. They used to have huge rows in the night, her screeching from the bedroom window and him from the garden. Really mature arguments "fuck off", "no, you fuck off", "no, YOU fuck off"... great at 3am
The worst bit for me was the staring - I found it quite intimidating. When he used to come round to shout at us he used to totally ignore me, if I spoke he spoke over me. I can only assume he was a sexist bastard too.
If she is Scottish and he is from the South-West they may be my old neighbours and you have my sympathy!

Haffiana · 25/08/2017 13:26

I think the real story is being revealed by your later posts. What is the point of trying to get an internet forum to agree with your extremely one-sided story? It doesn't make anything clearer or make you any more right if we only hear your take on the situation.

Try actually talking to your neighbours. That is the NORMAL thing to do.

CockacidalManiac · 25/08/2017 13:30

Haffiana

You ignore all the points about these weird neighbours, just to make a soppy point about animals? Then you play detective about the 'real story'? How weird. Unless you're the neighbour?

Haffiana · 25/08/2017 14:31

CockacidalManiac this is what the OP said re me liking rats - if you like rats send me your address and I'll arrange for a rat catcher to catch the furries and transport them to your house. By the way this service is free of charge!

So never mind whether I am 'soppy' or not (leaving aside the sheer hypocrisy of accusing me of playing detective in the same breath as suggesting I am the neighbour ffs), or whether I like rats or not, which is not the point of my post, not the point of this thread nor the point of this board which is about relationships, if this is how the OP responds to someone who mildly disagrees with her point of view on an internet forum, can you not see that she is likely to have serious disagreements with others in real life? Are you also failing to spot that when challenged she started contradicting herself?

And most of all would you not agree that she needs to speak to her neighbours in order to find a way forward?

But hey, never mind all that, yeah, her neighbours are barking mad and she is utterly in the right. Next!

CockacidalManiac · 25/08/2017 14:55

if this is how the OP responds to someone who mildly disagrees with her point of view on an internet forum

Pot, meet kettle.

Original poster

seaurchin2016 · 25/08/2017 15:12

Haffiana:
"Try actually talking to your neighbours. That is the NORMAL thing to do".

The point is I can't talk nicely to my neighbours they don't talk. They are always miserable looking and are very aggressive to everyone. They have fallen out with 4 other neighbours all over different issues - cars - children playing - paint - colour of someone's house. One neighbour three doors down from them left because of them. Our neighbour next door moaned about the other neighbours. We, however, don't get involved, we listened to their problems and we continued to be nice. Then, about 10 years ago behaviour started that I thought was odd but I wasn't sure. So, I posted on here to find out. The rat problem is part of the strange behaviour.
I posted on here because I started to find their behaviour a bit creepy and I felt unsafe in my own home. I wanted to make sure that this behaviour was unusual. The rest of our neighbours are lovely. Some keep themselves to themselves which is fine and some are chatty but all are lovely people. This one neighbour however, has behaviour that is becoming increasingly strange. The rat problem is only part of the odd behaviour. Yes, I agree that you have only my side of the story but what I tell you is the facts as it has happened. All I needed to know was whether their behaviour was considered odd. The behaviour is - watching us through curtains- shouting nasty words over the fence- throwing rubbish into our garden- putting weed killer on our property- spying on us through holes in the fence - throwing bird seed along the shared fence - washing cars in the rain and snow - mowing the lawn in the pouring rain and then mowing the lawn a second and third time all on the same day when it is still raining.
People can't visit us without our neighbour keeping a constant eye on us and our visitors have noticed. It is really un-nerving and creepy to us.

OP posts:

Original poster

seaurchin2016 · 25/08/2017 15:22

I thank all the people who have been so kind to take the time to post on here and give me their views. It has really helped me. It's nice to know that there are some very good people out there. I just wanted to say that I appreciate all the comments and words of advice.

I have felt as though I have been lucky to have such lovely neighbours up to now. We have read the posts and have decided that the best thing to do is to move. It's a shame because all our other neighbours are such smashing people.
May I say to you all - Thanks again for your help.

OP posts:

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