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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

My husband hit me tonight

73 replies

IceWithASlice1 · 01/08/2017 00:54

I don't know what to do, my heart doesn't have the energy any longer, it is just broken. I have tried so hard.
I'm ok. I know I need to leave. I just don't know how.

OP posts:
Anecdoche · 01/08/2017 00:56

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

2wild · 01/08/2017 01:04

Woman's aid has a 24hours phone number.

Be strong, and get some help, family or friends?

I hope find a way out quickly.

Original poster
IceWithASlice1 · 01/08/2017 01:05

I have one DC, a baby. I'm on maternity leave so money is tight and renting somewhere would be hard without proof of earnings. I did save money to see me through the year so I do have some funds.
DC is fine. Sleeping away.

He is also asleep.

I need somewhere to go before I leave though. I have no family close by. Most are abroad.

Such a mess.

OP posts:
debbs77 · 01/08/2017 01:07

Would you be able to go to a refuge?

BeauMirchoff · 01/08/2017 01:08

Oh Sad any friends you could stay with?
He hit you and went to bed... nice.

MommaGee · 01/08/2017 01:09

So sorry Ice
Do you need medical help? Do you intend to report him?
Second the hostel idea but no idea how you access them

2wild · 01/08/2017 01:14

Ring the helpline.
If you have no family or friends to go to they can help you find a refuge.
I have a friend who has been in one, and now years later her life is great.
You deserve better x

Spartasprout · 01/08/2017 01:14

Your local police will give you the number for women's aid. Please ring them - you don't have to put up with this, and financial stuff can be sorted once you're in a safe place. Flowers

Spartasprout · 01/08/2017 01:17

Here are the contact details.

The 24hr freephone National Domestic Violence Helpline (run in partnership between Women's Aid and Refuge) is available on 0808 2000 247 24 hours a day, 7 days a week.

Original poster
IceWithASlice1 · 01/08/2017 01:17

I called the police. He spent an hour calling me a cunt, ugly, a bitch, a shit mum, until they arrived. I told them I was ok and it was just an argument and they left.
I know it was wrong. It seemed easier than all the threats he was dishing out though.

He has currently MH problems. I know that's no excuse but I guess I have put up with the verbal abuse longer because of it.

OP posts:
SpongeBobJudgeyPants · 01/08/2017 01:19

Are you ok op?

Original poster
IceWithASlice1 · 01/08/2017 01:20

I will call them tomorrow when he is at work.
The police asked me if I'd like to be referred to a DV support team. They will be calling me too.

OP posts:
Original poster
IceWithASlice1 · 01/08/2017 01:21

You are all so lovely Flowers Thank you so much

OP posts:
Original poster
IceWithASlice1 · 01/08/2017 01:21

I am ok. I just showered. Gathering some important bits incase I need to leave.

OP posts:
BlackeyedSusan · 01/08/2017 01:24

perhaps take photos of important documents and email them to someone you trust.

Desmondo2016 · 01/08/2017 01:24

Keep posting if you need to. Is he asleep for the night or just kinda dozing. You could phone the police now and tell them you fibbed. They will understand. They'll come take him away right now

Ceebs85 · 01/08/2017 01:25

Mental health problems do not excuse abusing others except in very very very rare circumstances where the perpetrator does not have capacity to understand the impact on their actions. It's mostly used as an excuse though. I'm sure he has full control. The fact he abused you up until the police arrived in itself displays control. You're wrong. You don't have to put up with it and nor should anyone.

If you're safe tonight and don't want to contact anyone tonight please at least seek support from women's aid/other local organisations tomorrow. You need to get out for yourself and your baby. The police should put you in touch with people who can help you.

Original poster
IceWithASlice1 · 01/08/2017 01:28

He is drunk and sleeping in another room. So I don't think he will wake til morning. DC and I are in bedroom.
I'm an awful liar I think they could tell a mile off. She asked if I was sure I wanted him to stay. They spoke to him seperately too. God knows what he told them.

OP posts:
Original poster
IceWithASlice1 · 01/08/2017 01:34

That's a good idea susan I will do.

I'm going to call them tomorrow. See if they can help me find somewhere to stay any quicker than I can do myself.

OP posts:
KoalaDownUnder · 01/08/2017 02:20

That kind of behaviour can't be attributed to mental health problems. Shock

You can't keep living like this, especially not with a baby. You poor love. SadFlowers

Original poster
IceWithASlice1 · 01/08/2017 02:29

I know koala he has played the classic "everything I do is your fault" card perfectly...and I actually fell for it. I used to be a strong person.
Even sat in the hospital when DC was born I was labelled a "shit mother" and a "cunt" I should have walked then.

OP posts:
KoalaDownUnder · 01/08/2017 02:51

You are still a strong person. The strong part is under there.

Please ask people for help. I recently helped a friend out of a similar situation, and there is zero judgement of anyone except her fuckwad husband (who I totally judge as a despicable bastard).

People will want to help you, I promise. X

duracellred · 01/08/2017 02:52

Ice - I am now just online and hoping you are OK? (sending hugs your way).

Original poster
IceWithASlice1 · 01/08/2017 03:15

Urgh why is there so many of these despicable bastards around? I'm glad your friend got the help she needed.
He will lie and make my life a misery. He said he wanted the police to come so he could tell them I abused him. Hmm

I'm doing ok. I don't think I will sleep much (at all) tonight. I have a baby group early tomorrow too.

Hugs are very much appreciated.

OP posts:
Hitrouble · 01/08/2017 08:19

Hi, I've just seen this. I hope you're ok.

I left DV nearly 2 years ago. You can present yourself homeless due to DV to any county in England. All you need to do it turn up to a council office with your baby and tell them exactly that. Legally, they have to house you, you'll be put in temporary accommodation, then refuge until they can house you. I was permanently housed within 3 months.

You can leave, you are strong enough and you most definitly can do it. My PM is open if you need a chat. hugs